As I improved at weeding out hidden meanings I had given to past events that were dictating my reaction to things decades later (as humans do!), I became gradually freer and happier, almost by the day. Sure, there were and still are occasional set backs but usually it just keeps getting better, each set back offering yet another chance to get closer to the truth and strip away the lies from the past. Ever-increasing self awareness was bringing me inner peace, freedom and joy.
A Beggar's Existence
As I walked past a man selling a magazine to support the homeless, I noticed how his tone of voice was plaintiff, almost begging for people to buy the magazine out of pity rather than for its inherent value. How interesting, I thought. What can I learn from this about what I am looking at in my life; my willingness (or otherwise) to receive love and money.
As I thought it through, seeing that this man's mindset was of an unworthy beggar, he behaved consistent with it, whereas if he believed in his value and the value of what he was selling, his entire demeanour would have been different: upbeat, confident. My first thought therefore was that I too am reinforcing negative thought patterns derived from things that happened in my childhood. But in a flash I then saw that the lesson from this subtle message from the Universe is more literal even than that; that I beg for snippets of love and money everywhere in life, my hidden fear being that I am not really worthy of love or money, so of course I have to beg for it!
As I reflected on what must seem ridiculous to those who know me, the recognition of my deeply buried emotions brings tears to my eyes, freeing my burdened heart of this debilitating self doubt and allowing myself to receive love and money in abundance.
Since this gift of self awareness was opened by me with obvious relish, still another message was given to me through someone to whom I read a love poem: he said I should send it to my beloved who is still not speaking to me and my response confirmed the healing my heart had undergone "I will not beg for love from anyone" and in an instant I saw this was a test for this new-found awakening within my heart.
Thank you, God, thank you!
