As I continue to work with my struggle to overcome the ego and be with stillness and lack of activity, I sat at my computer playing a simple free game I have become addicted to – much as I have done with a game on my mobile phone. I started each of these games with very low scores and no apparent likelihood of significant increase yet in both cases I have now managed quite high levels. They are not easy to attain but I have done the seemingly impossible.
What is interesting is the neutral observation of oneself in playing such games effectively. My natural inclination is to feel that I am not good at such things and to let that thought dominate. However, in both cases I simply set my sights on something better and let any negative thoughts just pass me by. More specifically, at times when I was playing the online game I suddenly become aware of the score so far. If it is high and especially if it coincides with a difficult moment in the game when solutions are less obvious, my mind wants to rush and panic but I now consciously let go of the panic and accept that it will be better if I remain calm and trust myself. Sometimes it fails and sometimes it doesn’t but as a result I have been able to achieve exceptional results (not only for me but by comparison with the others who register their scores on the site, now being the 6th best performer in all Thailand!).
It is extraordinary how mental discipline and letting go of doubts enables me to exceed my greatest expectations, not fighting the doubt but simply letting it go. I have used this technique to help me do other things such as riding our motorbike in the face of fear from my first attempt that led to a crash into a granite wall within three minutes of hiring a moped while on holiday in Greece! When I tried to motorbike when we first got it, my mind went into fear mode yet I let that go after one shaky attempt and then managed to steer it reasonably well – I should add that I have not persisted with this but I could easily do so if I was so minded.
So, what I see is that by letting the ego’s contribution to our thinking be accepted yet passed by (rather than fighting or denying it) allows a greater me to emerge, free of the limitations set by the protective ego. My goal is to achieve this level of consciousness in everything I do so that I may achieve things greater than I have ever thought possible of Maitland, the identity born of a multitude of experiences that the ego carved into self limiting beliefs that are only true as long as we surrender to the sometimes over-protective ego. By this method, with patience and faith, I can truly be, do and have anything I desire.
