It’s funny how, even in the most surprising places, there lurk lessons and insights that lift our spirit, if we are open to receiving them. Today, a friend had posted what I would describe as the Facebook equivalent of a greetings card, that is a photo with an inspiring caption. Having thanked her for it, she later posted the following in response:
“With your words I feel good. I feel love. (I may not agree with all :^) )
Bless you bro...♥”
What is interesting is that those simple little words in brackets caught my attention and made me ask myself what she could be referring to, what I may have said in the past that she did not agree with. Being “right” was so important to me that it was a little unsettling but I didn’t let this stop me responding and I just went with the flow and was surprised by what came out:
“Thank you. Take, from anything I or anyone says, whatever feels right for you. What is right for me is not necessarily right for you. But I speak a basic truth. There is a difference between truth and right/wrong. In other words, I do not speak of right or wrong and therefore am not right or wrong. I speak only truth, the truth of the heart. This distinction is important and the right/wrong mentality is one born of a dualistic society run on ego. In that world one must be right or otherwise wrong. I no longer operate by those standards and live only according to my truth, so I am now free of the prison of right and wrong. Hooray! LOL!”
And later I added another follow-up post:
“When I wrote that post and I spoke from my heart without conscious involvement or planning and it just felt good and in my case it truly liberated me from being entrapped by worries about being right or wrong - God knows how trapped lawyers are in that little conundrum! The key thing is to speak from the heart. If we then extrapolate things from the experiences, they are interpretations and those may or may not be accurate but the experience itself cannot be right or wrong, it just IS, as long as the expression of it is words is at least reasonably close to accurate from a heart perspective.”
I find this exchange fascinating, for in it lies the realisation of how much we live in a world of right and wrong and that such a perspective is not real. It assumes things are black and white rather than a wonderful rainbow of truths and a black hole of falsehoods.
The realisation itself, the fresh awareness it brought to me, set me free and all discomfort left me. It also teaches me only to teach by example and leave others to choose those parts that feel right for them and discard the rest; also, to learn by experience and what resonates as right for me rather than what others tells me to think. Imagine if we were taught at school in such an empowering fashion, not filled with someone else’s interpretation of “facts” that become distorted according to the acceptable paradigm of the day: put another way, education is largely a lie, a process of brainwashing people into “acceptable” behaviours and beliefs.
Free of this process, we are at liberty to explore the universe at a whole new level, a level that expresses our true selves and expands it within what feels right for us and not according to what is acceptable to others. Thus the lid comes off the box and we can explode with creativity and confidence in who we are without the need for approval by others. How wonderful would it be for that to become the norm, the way we are trained to be! What wonders would mankind henceforth be able to perform!
Saturday, 22 October 2011
Tuesday, 27 September 2011
Lessons in Aloofness
I want to share this email to a friend that contains a succinct summary of today's lessons for me on aloofness:
Hello sweetie.
I was feeling a little void today - all the rain and no major developments on the surface, not sure how to react to certain things including expressing opinions, supporting causes, etc. But then on the way back from [the supermarket] later I saw that what is being asked of me is not to get involved in things of this world, political, moral or otherwise, to stand aloof, to be in this world and not of it, to extricate myself from participation and with it came a peace, a strong wisdom.
I have since ventured into grey areas and this is fine since I then explore boundaries. But this is about mental discipline and not allowing the issues of this world to drag me down. It does not mean to condone behaviour and for others it may be OK to make stands for things but I must remain neutral and speak my truth and nothing more. I immediately removed a protest entry on FB about what my friend called state sanctioned murder (execution of an innocent man). I can stand for love but not against anything. I think this succinctly sums up what is asked of me and now I understand and am happy. It is not to give up on justice but to stand for it from on high, to manifest it from non-engagement because the engagement carries a serious risk of taking it out, of causing it to fail: it is just one step removed from anger and then loss.
I said to you earlier that the illness aspect of the anger was a new perspective but it isn’t really, just in this context, I haven’t seen it in action - but now I see that there is no difference between anger at a known individual from anger at some nameless entity who has let the road prematurely stripped road surface remain untreated and therefore dangerous or at some company whose unilateral change in terms literally steals from me. Every person involved in either situation is, I know, much more than this (individually and collectively) and as such is no better or worse than me at their true core. They deserve my love, compassion and forgiveness so that they too may find the light, not my anger, my “righteous indignation” that denies them everything and locks them up in judgment.
I wanted to share this with you, since I have struggled in the last 24 hours to see what is my lesson: now it is abundantly clear and very wonderful.
Love
Maitland
Hello sweetie.
I was feeling a little void today - all the rain and no major developments on the surface, not sure how to react to certain things including expressing opinions, supporting causes, etc. But then on the way back from [the supermarket] later I saw that what is being asked of me is not to get involved in things of this world, political, moral or otherwise, to stand aloof, to be in this world and not of it, to extricate myself from participation and with it came a peace, a strong wisdom.
I have since ventured into grey areas and this is fine since I then explore boundaries. But this is about mental discipline and not allowing the issues of this world to drag me down. It does not mean to condone behaviour and for others it may be OK to make stands for things but I must remain neutral and speak my truth and nothing more. I immediately removed a protest entry on FB about what my friend called state sanctioned murder (execution of an innocent man). I can stand for love but not against anything. I think this succinctly sums up what is asked of me and now I understand and am happy. It is not to give up on justice but to stand for it from on high, to manifest it from non-engagement because the engagement carries a serious risk of taking it out, of causing it to fail: it is just one step removed from anger and then loss.
I said to you earlier that the illness aspect of the anger was a new perspective but it isn’t really, just in this context, I haven’t seen it in action - but now I see that there is no difference between anger at a known individual from anger at some nameless entity who has let the road prematurely stripped road surface remain untreated and therefore dangerous or at some company whose unilateral change in terms literally steals from me. Every person involved in either situation is, I know, much more than this (individually and collectively) and as such is no better or worse than me at their true core. They deserve my love, compassion and forgiveness so that they too may find the light, not my anger, my “righteous indignation” that denies them everything and locks them up in judgment.
I wanted to share this with you, since I have struggled in the last 24 hours to see what is my lesson: now it is abundantly clear and very wonderful.
Love
Maitland
Sunday, 18 September 2011
Dawning of a New Awareness
I woke up at 5:45am this morning, a little earlier than usual and I lay there in the half light of the pre-dawn contemplating how, as I attune myself more and more with nature and the universe, my body also comes into line, feeling the disharmony of some of what I do like drinking beer and so on.
Anyway, within a few minutes my lovely dog, Lucky, had registered that I was awake (presumably noticing the shift if the sound of my breathing) and jumped onto the bed with his usual rush of intensely imploring licks, indicating a strong desire to relieve himself! I “fought him off” for 5 minutes or so, telling him “walkies” would follow shortly and commanding him in Thai, “Norn” (“lie down”) but he did so for less than a minute before going through the whole routine again and I think it was the beginning of the 3rd round when I finally surrendered to the inevitability of the forthcoming walk and got up.
Attending briefly to my own personal needs before leaving so that I was free to devote this time to him in comfort, I soon had his lead on him and was marching out the door into the beautiful cool air of the pre-dawn period some 10 minutes before sunrise. And what a beautiful morning it was (and is) too. Largely a blue sky, wisps of cloud streaked across the dawning blue expanse before me, a few huddles of cotton-wool-like clouds as well. As I came with Lucky to the end of our side-street in our “moo baan” (private housing estate) I chose to turn left and so indicated to Lucky by a gently pull on his lead as I wanted to see the beautiful canvas that the pre-dawn sky now presented before me. I love clouds. I mean I really love clouds. They are somehow heavenly, otherworldly, and lift my attention from the mundane to the sublime.
So, as I made my way towards the back of the “moo baan” on its east facing border, slowly but surely the sun burst forth in a splash of golds on the horizon, nearly blinding me as I persisted in soaking it up in its fullest glory! Lucky did his usual business, pottering about oblivious to the delights of my world as he sniffed and marked his territory, having given up attempts to force me to turn back to face his mortal enemy, the large dog who lives opposite who roams free, wreaking havoc on all dogs who dare to invade his domain.
This fleeting display of the dawning sun now complete, I led Lucky back in the other direction so that he could enjoy a fuller expression of his “doggy needs” and we went out, past the central island that greets visitors to our “moo baan” with the large golden statue of the Hindu god, Ganesh, and made our way out of the estate and down the hill past a garden centre and onto the main road that curves away from us to the north-west and in the distance I saw the mottled horizon of the numerous “karsts”, the large 300 million year-old limestone formations that once formed part of the world’s largest coral reef that is now much of South East Asia. Lit up by the sun, they looked stunning and I was totally alive to the wonders of nature, even in this otherwise somewhat bland immediate vicinity amidst ugly concrete constructions that sadly replaced the traditional wooden houses when wood became more scarce and concrete the cheaper option for building.
By this time I was feeling on cloud nine (cloud nine being that fluffy little number on the horizon that I mentioned earlier!): there I was in the cool morning sunshine, watching the beauty that is so abundant in Krabi, catching glimpses of the early morning dew in the short time before it evaporates, since the sun burns off all water so fast this near to the Equator, noticing its refreshing sparkles that quenches the thirst of the plants it blesses with its life-giving night-time blanket of moisture and how, in places, it reflects light so as to look like frost, yet the temperature is far too high at some 23-24 degrees Celsius for it possibly to be ice.
In this heavenly state of being, I felt at one with my surroundings, so happy to be alive and to live here in my new home country, Thailand, so grateful for its generous supply of natural beauty and comfortable climate. Attuned to nature in this way, and increasingly to my true self that is so at home in nature, I felt such intense joy, such deep happiness without a care in the world, a state of mind I find myself blessed to enjoy as the norm these days.
While Lucky was in his element, no doubt delighted that his impatient pulling to go in new directions had been successful, I turned my thoughts to what I had been contemplating so early on in bed, how my attuning or aligning with nature and my true self in this way was bringing me to new awareness and a prospect of new health and vitality; I could rally feel it, not just have it as some vague notion or concept. As a result of some fairly dramatic shifts in the last fortnight in my feelings about life and the people I know and don’t know, I have come to such a place of love and gratitude which feels sublime at the deepest possible level and I can feel my body’s reaction to such resonance with all that is, telling me that it is no longer comfortable with that which I had soothed up my inner aching, the beers at night, the early morning coffee one could stand a spoon in, the excesses of sugary delights and so on.
The dulling of the senses by these means was becoming unnecessary and I contemplated the prospect, indeed the probability, that as I march on and further attune myself to my true self, my natural self, when my new work begins next month, I can realistically anticipate that my body will reach new levels of vigour, of youthful balance and eventually fitness with the least of effort, because that, I realise, is our natural state when properly and finely tuned like a winning Formula One engine purring gently before the race.
Anyway, within a few minutes my lovely dog, Lucky, had registered that I was awake (presumably noticing the shift if the sound of my breathing) and jumped onto the bed with his usual rush of intensely imploring licks, indicating a strong desire to relieve himself! I “fought him off” for 5 minutes or so, telling him “walkies” would follow shortly and commanding him in Thai, “Norn” (“lie down”) but he did so for less than a minute before going through the whole routine again and I think it was the beginning of the 3rd round when I finally surrendered to the inevitability of the forthcoming walk and got up.
Attending briefly to my own personal needs before leaving so that I was free to devote this time to him in comfort, I soon had his lead on him and was marching out the door into the beautiful cool air of the pre-dawn period some 10 minutes before sunrise. And what a beautiful morning it was (and is) too. Largely a blue sky, wisps of cloud streaked across the dawning blue expanse before me, a few huddles of cotton-wool-like clouds as well. As I came with Lucky to the end of our side-street in our “moo baan” (private housing estate) I chose to turn left and so indicated to Lucky by a gently pull on his lead as I wanted to see the beautiful canvas that the pre-dawn sky now presented before me. I love clouds. I mean I really love clouds. They are somehow heavenly, otherworldly, and lift my attention from the mundane to the sublime.
So, as I made my way towards the back of the “moo baan” on its east facing border, slowly but surely the sun burst forth in a splash of golds on the horizon, nearly blinding me as I persisted in soaking it up in its fullest glory! Lucky did his usual business, pottering about oblivious to the delights of my world as he sniffed and marked his territory, having given up attempts to force me to turn back to face his mortal enemy, the large dog who lives opposite who roams free, wreaking havoc on all dogs who dare to invade his domain.
This fleeting display of the dawning sun now complete, I led Lucky back in the other direction so that he could enjoy a fuller expression of his “doggy needs” and we went out, past the central island that greets visitors to our “moo baan” with the large golden statue of the Hindu god, Ganesh, and made our way out of the estate and down the hill past a garden centre and onto the main road that curves away from us to the north-west and in the distance I saw the mottled horizon of the numerous “karsts”, the large 300 million year-old limestone formations that once formed part of the world’s largest coral reef that is now much of South East Asia. Lit up by the sun, they looked stunning and I was totally alive to the wonders of nature, even in this otherwise somewhat bland immediate vicinity amidst ugly concrete constructions that sadly replaced the traditional wooden houses when wood became more scarce and concrete the cheaper option for building.
By this time I was feeling on cloud nine (cloud nine being that fluffy little number on the horizon that I mentioned earlier!): there I was in the cool morning sunshine, watching the beauty that is so abundant in Krabi, catching glimpses of the early morning dew in the short time before it evaporates, since the sun burns off all water so fast this near to the Equator, noticing its refreshing sparkles that quenches the thirst of the plants it blesses with its life-giving night-time blanket of moisture and how, in places, it reflects light so as to look like frost, yet the temperature is far too high at some 23-24 degrees Celsius for it possibly to be ice.
In this heavenly state of being, I felt at one with my surroundings, so happy to be alive and to live here in my new home country, Thailand, so grateful for its generous supply of natural beauty and comfortable climate. Attuned to nature in this way, and increasingly to my true self that is so at home in nature, I felt such intense joy, such deep happiness without a care in the world, a state of mind I find myself blessed to enjoy as the norm these days.
While Lucky was in his element, no doubt delighted that his impatient pulling to go in new directions had been successful, I turned my thoughts to what I had been contemplating so early on in bed, how my attuning or aligning with nature and my true self in this way was bringing me to new awareness and a prospect of new health and vitality; I could rally feel it, not just have it as some vague notion or concept. As a result of some fairly dramatic shifts in the last fortnight in my feelings about life and the people I know and don’t know, I have come to such a place of love and gratitude which feels sublime at the deepest possible level and I can feel my body’s reaction to such resonance with all that is, telling me that it is no longer comfortable with that which I had soothed up my inner aching, the beers at night, the early morning coffee one could stand a spoon in, the excesses of sugary delights and so on.
The dulling of the senses by these means was becoming unnecessary and I contemplated the prospect, indeed the probability, that as I march on and further attune myself to my true self, my natural self, when my new work begins next month, I can realistically anticipate that my body will reach new levels of vigour, of youthful balance and eventually fitness with the least of effort, because that, I realise, is our natural state when properly and finely tuned like a winning Formula One engine purring gently before the race.
Thursday, 15 September 2011
Virtuous Circle of Love
I have had the most beautiful morning of contemplation, relaxation and love! I was tired, having risen early to walk my dog desperate for immediate relief and had therefore taken a nap late morning. As I came downstairs with Lucky after my nap and put him down on the sofa next to where my partner too was snoozing, he snuggled in beside him to join him. I was touched by how much love he has to give and what pleasure he gets from showing his love by his snuggling close. He is such a deeply loving dog and as I made my way back upstairs to return to my contemplations in what you could describe as my meditation room, I was filled with warmth at this loving scene between two of the most important creatures in my life.
I went in armed with my laptop and once sat in my meditation pyramid, I saw a message a recent friend had sent me asking for loving prayers as she had been having a tough few days. Then, as I sent the following reply that felt relevant to give, I felt such love for her, this new friend who I know is on a sincere journey if self discovery herself:
“Aw, darling, I am sorry to hear that. I have indeed sent you loving energy to help you heal whatever it is you are healing at present - in times of healing it can feel worse than before, as things surface before finally leaving our energy field. Try not to despair or attach any meaning to it or to analyse it because nothing is wrong. I went through months of this just on one subject and through years of it in fact on and off, so I am now well acquainted with thee process. The good news is that in these times, it is all speeding up and healing so much quicker than before, so it will not last. Nurture yourself, follow your feelings - if you feel like sleeping, sleep; if you feel like eating, eat and don't worry about your weight, because right now it is more important to heal and to nurture yourself through it. Bless you darling, for ultimately all this is great news. Love, Maitland”.
I was so full of love by this time that another thought occurred to me to express to her to soothe her pain and help her along the way, so I sent her this too:
“By the way, there were many times I felt so bad, I felt I had taken several major steps back into darkness but these were just part of the process, so if you ever feel that way, remember my words: you never step backwards once you have chosen this path of self discovery and renewal as you have. Love to you sister X, Maitland”
By now full of love in my heart, something strange but wonderful happened, people who had hurt me so much in the past, people who had lied, cheated, betrayed and rejected me suddenly and unexpectedly came to mind, yet as I saw each one, each of whom I had already forgiven in order to free my soul from anger and resentment, I felt love for them: I felt I could have hugged each and every one if they had with me then. A step beyond forgiveness and compassion, this pure, unconditional love seemed to radiate from my chest, so powerful it was almost tangible; it is no exaggeration to say I felt it pouring from my heart and in its wake I felt a peace and calm euphoria, taking the healing of my own heart in forgiveness to yet another level altogether.
This upward spiral of loving energy, this virtuous circle of love that started with my gorgeous Lucky lifted my whole being and as I reflected on it, the words that came to me were, “This is who you really are” and I felt a profound peace and gratitude for all that had led me here including the injuries perpetrated upon me by those souls who I now saw for who they really are; that love that came from knowing who they are at heart and from a desire that they too find themselves as I have been blessed to do.
I went in armed with my laptop and once sat in my meditation pyramid, I saw a message a recent friend had sent me asking for loving prayers as she had been having a tough few days. Then, as I sent the following reply that felt relevant to give, I felt such love for her, this new friend who I know is on a sincere journey if self discovery herself:
“Aw, darling, I am sorry to hear that. I have indeed sent you loving energy to help you heal whatever it is you are healing at present - in times of healing it can feel worse than before, as things surface before finally leaving our energy field. Try not to despair or attach any meaning to it or to analyse it because nothing is wrong. I went through months of this just on one subject and through years of it in fact on and off, so I am now well acquainted with thee process. The good news is that in these times, it is all speeding up and healing so much quicker than before, so it will not last. Nurture yourself, follow your feelings - if you feel like sleeping, sleep; if you feel like eating, eat and don't worry about your weight, because right now it is more important to heal and to nurture yourself through it. Bless you darling, for ultimately all this is great news. Love, Maitland”.
I was so full of love by this time that another thought occurred to me to express to her to soothe her pain and help her along the way, so I sent her this too:
“By the way, there were many times I felt so bad, I felt I had taken several major steps back into darkness but these were just part of the process, so if you ever feel that way, remember my words: you never step backwards once you have chosen this path of self discovery and renewal as you have. Love to you sister X, Maitland”
By now full of love in my heart, something strange but wonderful happened, people who had hurt me so much in the past, people who had lied, cheated, betrayed and rejected me suddenly and unexpectedly came to mind, yet as I saw each one, each of whom I had already forgiven in order to free my soul from anger and resentment, I felt love for them: I felt I could have hugged each and every one if they had with me then. A step beyond forgiveness and compassion, this pure, unconditional love seemed to radiate from my chest, so powerful it was almost tangible; it is no exaggeration to say I felt it pouring from my heart and in its wake I felt a peace and calm euphoria, taking the healing of my own heart in forgiveness to yet another level altogether.
This upward spiral of loving energy, this virtuous circle of love that started with my gorgeous Lucky lifted my whole being and as I reflected on it, the words that came to me were, “This is who you really are” and I felt a profound peace and gratitude for all that had led me here including the injuries perpetrated upon me by those souls who I now saw for who they really are; that love that came from knowing who they are at heart and from a desire that they too find themselves as I have been blessed to do.
Friday, 2 September 2011
Coming to Ramadan
It’s interesting but I have been aware of Ramadan and its practices of personal sacrifice to show devotion to Allah since about 1983 when my sister fell in love and eventually married and Egyptian man but I have never really understood it in all its depth and purpose. Of course I understood its purpose superficially but not deep down, deep inside me. But now I do.
I am not a Muslim and have no desire to follow any specific religion but that doesn’t mean I don’t respect their values and practices or at least some of them. I live in a region of Thailand where Muslims make up over 30% of the population and will soon move to an island where the vast majority are Muslim and though there are problems between the Buddhist and Muslim communities nearer to the Malay border, the region formerly part of Malaysia until my country did a deal and carved it up many years ago, generally the communities live together in harmony.
As a man committed to world peace and mankind unified as a single whole, respecting the views of others, the rich diversity of mankind on earth, is vital. So, my opening to the richness of the Ramadan duties is particularly welcome.
I am no expert on Ramadan despite the family connection and the close proximity of so many of the faith of Islam, but I recall that during this period, Muslims are expected to show devotion by doing without drink of any kind (including water) and food during daylight hours and throughout the entire period to avoid physical contact (sex and even kissing or hugging) and alcohol (the latter being prohibited altogether for some of the faith). How it occurred to me before was as an obligation with more suffering than merit, especially for Muslim in Northern Europe where the daylight hours if Ramadan falls in summer are so long it is sheer torture.
But in recent years of my own hardships I have had to scrape by, though never once have I gone hungry, and I have been aware for some years that I am likely to earn large sums of money in the end and will be free to have anything material I may want, but the effect of the hardships has not been to drive me to want all those things and shower myself in possessions and excesses of food and drink.
Though I will undoubtedly have much of what I want if I am right about my future, I actually enjoy the restraint, the need to “make do” and be grateful for what I have. In fact, I am going through such a period right now and it is remarkable how well I can now “make do” and I am happy for it because it sharpens my sensitivity to the issue and above all it heightens my gratitude for what I have. And it is in this that lies the core of the benefit of Ramadan, to show devotion and gratitude and not to take for granted. That I have food and drink is at Allah’s grace and something I still too often forget, especially when money becomes tight, yet I am so blessed, so provided for that never once have I gone hungry even though there are many who do. It would be a “dis-grace” not to appreciate what Allah provides for me so loyally if I keep my faith. I don’t have anything as of right but only by His/Her loving grace.
Thank you Allah. Allah is indeed great!
I am not a Muslim and have no desire to follow any specific religion but that doesn’t mean I don’t respect their values and practices or at least some of them. I live in a region of Thailand where Muslims make up over 30% of the population and will soon move to an island where the vast majority are Muslim and though there are problems between the Buddhist and Muslim communities nearer to the Malay border, the region formerly part of Malaysia until my country did a deal and carved it up many years ago, generally the communities live together in harmony.
As a man committed to world peace and mankind unified as a single whole, respecting the views of others, the rich diversity of mankind on earth, is vital. So, my opening to the richness of the Ramadan duties is particularly welcome.
I am no expert on Ramadan despite the family connection and the close proximity of so many of the faith of Islam, but I recall that during this period, Muslims are expected to show devotion by doing without drink of any kind (including water) and food during daylight hours and throughout the entire period to avoid physical contact (sex and even kissing or hugging) and alcohol (the latter being prohibited altogether for some of the faith). How it occurred to me before was as an obligation with more suffering than merit, especially for Muslim in Northern Europe where the daylight hours if Ramadan falls in summer are so long it is sheer torture.
But in recent years of my own hardships I have had to scrape by, though never once have I gone hungry, and I have been aware for some years that I am likely to earn large sums of money in the end and will be free to have anything material I may want, but the effect of the hardships has not been to drive me to want all those things and shower myself in possessions and excesses of food and drink.
Though I will undoubtedly have much of what I want if I am right about my future, I actually enjoy the restraint, the need to “make do” and be grateful for what I have. In fact, I am going through such a period right now and it is remarkable how well I can now “make do” and I am happy for it because it sharpens my sensitivity to the issue and above all it heightens my gratitude for what I have. And it is in this that lies the core of the benefit of Ramadan, to show devotion and gratitude and not to take for granted. That I have food and drink is at Allah’s grace and something I still too often forget, especially when money becomes tight, yet I am so blessed, so provided for that never once have I gone hungry even though there are many who do. It would be a “dis-grace” not to appreciate what Allah provides for me so loyally if I keep my faith. I don’t have anything as of right but only by His/Her loving grace.
Thank you Allah. Allah is indeed great!
Wednesday, 17 August 2011
The Gift of Unbounded Patience
In the silence of the space between internet access periods, I find myself drawn to write once more. I haven’t done it in a while, just going with the flow with no particular point to make or place to go. Here I am sat in a pyramid, a haven of support for me at this critical time in my life and I feel comfortable, at home, as if to leave to resume connection with friends online would uproot me inappropriately so I won’t and will instead forego the delights of conversations with friends for the alternative delights of writing something simple from my heart.
I miss this, taking time aside to write down whatever comes into my mind, to search beneath the surface and see what transpires. With nothing in mind, I came to this and found myself not wanting, as one word followed after the next without plan or foresight. With it will begin an incandescence born of my hearts passionate desire for expression. The fury of missed opportunities for fulfilment has long since waned and in its place a singular determination not to let life pass by a moment longer without expressing myself clearly so that others too may find what I have, the freedom to be myself and the ability to make a difference.
Here again I find myself at odds with life in that I wait patiently until the detail of my new work has erupted in a frenzy so that I may then get on with what I have dreamt of for so long, the chance to reach into people’s hearts and show them who they really are. Give me the strength, the patience and ardour to carry on regardless of delays and unsupported expectations that carry within them the seeds of disaster.
In my heart I know I will not fail but in my mind I sometimes nurture doubts born of life’s past affronts that no longer have meaning but as a distant memory. You see, in my heart I know everything is there already, waiting behind closed curtains to emerge onto the stage of life and burst into euphoric song. Not long now, I sense, no point in looking behind the curtain to check and see everything is alright; better to wait and see what will emerge to surprise and delight the audience that is me and all in sundry. Much as I crave this new work and the new me with it, I am content to wait because the gift of patience knows no bounds and with it nor will I!
I miss this, taking time aside to write down whatever comes into my mind, to search beneath the surface and see what transpires. With nothing in mind, I came to this and found myself not wanting, as one word followed after the next without plan or foresight. With it will begin an incandescence born of my hearts passionate desire for expression. The fury of missed opportunities for fulfilment has long since waned and in its place a singular determination not to let life pass by a moment longer without expressing myself clearly so that others too may find what I have, the freedom to be myself and the ability to make a difference.
Here again I find myself at odds with life in that I wait patiently until the detail of my new work has erupted in a frenzy so that I may then get on with what I have dreamt of for so long, the chance to reach into people’s hearts and show them who they really are. Give me the strength, the patience and ardour to carry on regardless of delays and unsupported expectations that carry within them the seeds of disaster.
In my heart I know I will not fail but in my mind I sometimes nurture doubts born of life’s past affronts that no longer have meaning but as a distant memory. You see, in my heart I know everything is there already, waiting behind closed curtains to emerge onto the stage of life and burst into euphoric song. Not long now, I sense, no point in looking behind the curtain to check and see everything is alright; better to wait and see what will emerge to surprise and delight the audience that is me and all in sundry. Much as I crave this new work and the new me with it, I am content to wait because the gift of patience knows no bounds and with it nor will I!
Saturday, 13 August 2011
“Absolute Nonsense to Love God?”
Krishnamurti famously said: “When you say you love God what does it mean? It means that you love a projection of your own imagination, a projection of yourself clothed in certain forms of respectability according to what you think is noble and holy; so to say, `I love God', is absolute nonsense. When you worship God you are worshipping yourself - and that is not love.”
This was quote in fuller form on a post on Facebook and it struck me as a strange thing to say and confused me at first. But then what is love if we cannot love that which is love and what is true love? I have also seen people debate what love it but to attempt to define it is to attempt to define (i.e. limit) God or the universal consciousness and in my opinion it can never be defined, its expressions being as infinite as the love it seeks to define.
So, I think that this statement is fundamentally flawed because “to love is divine”: it is all the Lord does and is; love is all there is and all that is derives from love; the Lord loves none more than itself, for there is nothing other than itself. How could it possibly be absurd to love God; the absurdity is the notion that it could be otherwise, since it would then mean that all love is absurd: to love anything is to love God in one or more of its infinite forms and so all love would thereby be invalidated according to this statement and so, therefore, would God and all life would not exist in any of its forms and dimensions, whether this illusory world or otherwise.
That to me is the essence of absurdity.
This was quote in fuller form on a post on Facebook and it struck me as a strange thing to say and confused me at first. But then what is love if we cannot love that which is love and what is true love? I have also seen people debate what love it but to attempt to define it is to attempt to define (i.e. limit) God or the universal consciousness and in my opinion it can never be defined, its expressions being as infinite as the love it seeks to define.
So, I think that this statement is fundamentally flawed because “to love is divine”: it is all the Lord does and is; love is all there is and all that is derives from love; the Lord loves none more than itself, for there is nothing other than itself. How could it possibly be absurd to love God; the absurdity is the notion that it could be otherwise, since it would then mean that all love is absurd: to love anything is to love God in one or more of its infinite forms and so all love would thereby be invalidated according to this statement and so, therefore, would God and all life would not exist in any of its forms and dimensions, whether this illusory world or otherwise.
That to me is the essence of absurdity.
Friday, 12 August 2011
Why God Got Out of Bed!
I had a chat with a friend on Facebook yesterday and we talked about the turmoil in the world and the forecasts for the end of the Mayan calendar, the supposed “end of days”.
We talked about this and that and for my friend he seems to take comfort from the fact that this life is ultimately an illusion because in reality the universe is all one thing at every dimensional level, namely energy, our apparent physicality being an illusion according to the speed with which the energy vibrates. This means that we are all part of the universal consciousness, the everything that some call God or Allah, and that it is an illusion that we are separate, an illusion created by the ego.
Therefore, my friend argues, whether we live or die doesn’t matter. He maintains that it is an ego attachment that we care about it at all. So, he is trying to keep the perspective that he will be OK whether he dies or not. This is all good stuff in that we can then be free to live in the moment and not live in fear. I get all that and its great. It is also true that we are just part of the One and in death we go “home”. Great. By why come here at all? What is the point if we don’t “give a damn”?
As my friend said (I hope I recall this correctly) we come to experience and I think he said that God, as I will call the universal consciousness for ease, want to experience itself. OK. I get that too. But from my experience, when we die, we don’t just go back into the common pool that is the universal consciousness free of separation (i.e. we don’t vanish or melt back into God) but somehow continue to be ‘demarked’ - I say “somehow” because the main separation tool in life to allow the maintenance of the illusion is the ego but the ego is part of our incarnation which vanishes on or soon after death. I have no thoughts on what it is that maintains the separation until a spirit is ready to re-join the whole in unseparated form once more. I just experience the separate spirits that persist beyond this incarnation and indeed reincarnate until they have reached the point of no longer needing to do so (though some still do anyway to assist other souls advance).
Let me interject at this point. I “know” or at least think I “know” the things I am writing about and that my friend talks about too, but I was left feeling something was missing in that perspective as in a way it makes a nonsense out of living. If you are going to go out and play football, would you go on the pitch and just stand there? It is perhaps unfortunate that my example uses competition which is not relevant in the game of life, but a game is what life is, a game to be played “to the max”. I agree that if you “lose” or “fail” it doesn’t matter but to come to the game to play and then not play in earnest is not, for me, an attachment, it is what life is about.
No wonder I had an uncomfortable feeling inside. It is not about being attached to the outcome but committed to something, preferably something that lifts your spirit and contributes directly or indirectly to the collective game, the collective benefit. Sure, if we fail and earth is destroyed, the universe will go on as an illusion without us and, in all probability, Mother Earth would pick up her illusory pieces and continue her own game of illusion, but my aim is not one of the ego at all, it is something I have set my heart of for lifetimes at a soul level. I know because it is what sets my heart on fire and fills me with a passion for life. It’s why I get out of bed in the morning and probably why God did too!
We talked about this and that and for my friend he seems to take comfort from the fact that this life is ultimately an illusion because in reality the universe is all one thing at every dimensional level, namely energy, our apparent physicality being an illusion according to the speed with which the energy vibrates. This means that we are all part of the universal consciousness, the everything that some call God or Allah, and that it is an illusion that we are separate, an illusion created by the ego.
Therefore, my friend argues, whether we live or die doesn’t matter. He maintains that it is an ego attachment that we care about it at all. So, he is trying to keep the perspective that he will be OK whether he dies or not. This is all good stuff in that we can then be free to live in the moment and not live in fear. I get all that and its great. It is also true that we are just part of the One and in death we go “home”. Great. By why come here at all? What is the point if we don’t “give a damn”?
As my friend said (I hope I recall this correctly) we come to experience and I think he said that God, as I will call the universal consciousness for ease, want to experience itself. OK. I get that too. But from my experience, when we die, we don’t just go back into the common pool that is the universal consciousness free of separation (i.e. we don’t vanish or melt back into God) but somehow continue to be ‘demarked’ - I say “somehow” because the main separation tool in life to allow the maintenance of the illusion is the ego but the ego is part of our incarnation which vanishes on or soon after death. I have no thoughts on what it is that maintains the separation until a spirit is ready to re-join the whole in unseparated form once more. I just experience the separate spirits that persist beyond this incarnation and indeed reincarnate until they have reached the point of no longer needing to do so (though some still do anyway to assist other souls advance).
Let me interject at this point. I “know” or at least think I “know” the things I am writing about and that my friend talks about too, but I was left feeling something was missing in that perspective as in a way it makes a nonsense out of living. If you are going to go out and play football, would you go on the pitch and just stand there? It is perhaps unfortunate that my example uses competition which is not relevant in the game of life, but a game is what life is, a game to be played “to the max”. I agree that if you “lose” or “fail” it doesn’t matter but to come to the game to play and then not play in earnest is not, for me, an attachment, it is what life is about.
No wonder I had an uncomfortable feeling inside. It is not about being attached to the outcome but committed to something, preferably something that lifts your spirit and contributes directly or indirectly to the collective game, the collective benefit. Sure, if we fail and earth is destroyed, the universe will go on as an illusion without us and, in all probability, Mother Earth would pick up her illusory pieces and continue her own game of illusion, but my aim is not one of the ego at all, it is something I have set my heart of for lifetimes at a soul level. I know because it is what sets my heart on fire and fills me with a passion for life. It’s why I get out of bed in the morning and probably why God did too!
Thursday, 4 August 2011
The Third Eye...Our Very Own Cinema of the Mind
I’ve noticed something in recent weeks: I am getting more and more clear images and also more fantasy images in my so-called “third eye”, the little cinema screen inside you head located between you eyes where you see images that you just think are inside your head until you realise that this third eye is a real gift and very useful indeed.
I’ve always thought of myself as not being very good at the visual and being more of a word-based person; not surprising for someone who a friend described only yesterday as clearly having a writer’s soul! But, actually, I am finding that as I learn to stop and pay attention to some of the things I see when I close my eyes, I am seeing more and more interesting things. This suggests to me that Ia m building the “third eye muscle” over time and that it will become a strong tool for communication within me and externally.
Let me explain. You see, there appear to be two now distinct types of images: those that I have described as fantasy images, not real “photos” of people and things and those that are snapshots of something real, past, present and maybe even future (though I have no real personal experience of the latter myself).
Yesterday, I experienced a snapshot image of a young boy, a black and white photos obviously dating back to the 1940’s or so. This kind of image is not one for interpretation and without other skills I would never have known who the boy was and why I was seeing him. Through psychic connection with my guides I gleaned that he was the latest incarnation of the soul who is my one true soulmate and whom I already knew had chosen to remain in spirit at this key time and incarnation in order to assist me better from “above”. Indeed, I was then introduced to him and what followed was a most extraordinary introduction to this soul who is the mirror of me and whose love for me is second to none other than the universal consciousness itself.
His name as I knew him in our last joint incarnation many thousands of years ago in Kashmir, India, was Castria and I saw a picture of his face in that life, a young, handsome man with a slim light-skinned face and medium length dark burly locks and an intriguing smile, a man who, I am told, was my lover in yet another gay life of mine (that makes 3 I am aware of including this one!). He simply told me that he had come to announce his fulfilment of his promise to me to be by my side always, now that my “real work” in this life is about to begin.
So, there is what is for me a beautiful example of why real images can sometimes appear. But what then of fantasy images and how do I distinguish between them?
I will answer the second question first. The non-fantasy type of image, whether still or moving, has a certain vividness to it and leaves me with a knowing that it is a real image and not a creation of my subconscious imagination. I cannot put it any other way. The fantasy ones are often clearly so and are less vivid. These are a communication from the subconscious for whatever reason. Observed and interpreted appropriately, they give you a message about what is going on or something that needs attention in your life. They may also be a message for communication to someone else - I sometimes see representational images when a friend is seeking support in some way.
I recently a dream in fact (while sleeping) that told me I was making progress in accepting my new role in life as a teacher instead of a lawyer. But how did this show up - as words printed on a page in my head? No! The subconscious works in images, not words. The dream was strange. My current partner existed in the background of awareness and I was out at a gathering at a sort of multi-designer studios and there was a party in fact and my clothes were swapped from my fuddy duddy one for a really nice modern one that really suited me (see the imagery in that!) and I wanted to keep it and by the end of the dream (into which I kept dipping after moments of wakefulness) I was in my coat but with the new shirt underneath and I felt I had to own up to it and pay for it so I asked whose it was and could I buy it. It ended there as I awoke. In between I went to the loo and a man could see through the toilet that just had railings, not private at all and he came in thought he space was so tight even before he did that I couldn't move well and he stood behind me and took my penis and helped me pee and that was it (I think I awoke again then!) and later in the party my ex partner (who was not just like him but was a perfect image of his about 10 years ago) arrived but we were not together (as I said, my current partner existed in my awareness but was not there) and indeed I even referred to him as my ex and I showed off my new clothes, though he wasn't too impressed it seemed to me.
What is strange too is that I feel emotional and I couldn't put my finger on what the feeling was. It was making me feel tearful but it didn't feel like fear of the future actually and then it hit me, it is a grieving for the passing of a dear and longstanding friend, the old me, like I am sad to see him go. I suppose that is a sort of hanging on - my ex being there was a representation of the past yet I was not wanting to be with him at all and in fact I didn't much like him. I found him uninterested in anyone but himself. I think the coat over the new shirt was about the holding on, hiding my new self perhaps.
So, what I saw in this is progress, a recognition that I am a new person but not a full acceptance of it still. I later realised what the toilet incident meant: the toilet itself was tiny in two small chambers and had bars like bamboo in light grey around it so anyone could see in and though I noticed it but it didn't really bother me. That's when the chap appeared (after the event he looked completely different - neither one attractive at all!). It wasn't about sex in the dream and less so in its message. In simple terms, it represented my power and creativity (the penis!) and that I was comfortable for people now to see it though still a little reserved (the bars and the noticing of the visibility) and the man handling me (there was no sex) was my being comfortable with my power and its ability to call to & reach people.
That was a dream although it works the same way as with waking fantasy images and likewise comes from the deep subconscious processing things. Today I had an example of a waking “story”. In it, I saw an old man in a dark cloak and hood that looked a bit like a monk. He sat and looked forward, slightly hunched, sitting in moonlight on a snowy winter’s night. Afterwards he got up and was suddenly driving through the snow with some horses pulling a sledge or cart (I couldn’t quite make out which). Then the horses got stopped by the snow and became engulfed in it. Then a fresh image came: the horses somehow now free, the man, now looking remarkably like Santa Claus, was happily driving the horses forward at speed (speed that had the horses hairs swept back and snow cleared in their path until they took off into the air and by this time it was Santa Claus happily about to deliver his gifts to the children of the world. I then saw the deep, deep snow and a way ahead already cut in it for the man to pass through without hindrance.
This was very clear for a fantasy yes also vague and suddenly shifting like in a dream. So, what do I interpret this to mean? Well, the man in the monk’s outfit is me. I always say that I am about to live a non-religious ministry! I see that in a sometimes cold and dark world, if I allow myself to get caught up in the things that surround me, I will eventually be stopped and swallowed up by the cold and dark and so be unable to deliver on my gifts to mankind. So, instead, I must go speedily through the cold and dark, paying no attention to either aspect of my surroundings and instead keeping my eye on the road ahead (the vision for the future) and if I do this I will find that a way will always be made for me to pass safely through and deliver the gifts to the children, the gifts of my words to the lives of many unhappy souls eagerly awaiting their Santa Claus.
You may see my images differently but that is how I see them and indeed it makes sense to me at this crossroads in my life as I venture out to share with people what I have learned that has set me free in the hope it will help others. What is wonderful is that we can receive feedback from within, and feel truly connected with our whole selves. This muscle is becoming quite powerful and in identifying it, its power and effectiveness will grow even faster.
I’ve always thought of myself as not being very good at the visual and being more of a word-based person; not surprising for someone who a friend described only yesterday as clearly having a writer’s soul! But, actually, I am finding that as I learn to stop and pay attention to some of the things I see when I close my eyes, I am seeing more and more interesting things. This suggests to me that Ia m building the “third eye muscle” over time and that it will become a strong tool for communication within me and externally.
Let me explain. You see, there appear to be two now distinct types of images: those that I have described as fantasy images, not real “photos” of people and things and those that are snapshots of something real, past, present and maybe even future (though I have no real personal experience of the latter myself).
Yesterday, I experienced a snapshot image of a young boy, a black and white photos obviously dating back to the 1940’s or so. This kind of image is not one for interpretation and without other skills I would never have known who the boy was and why I was seeing him. Through psychic connection with my guides I gleaned that he was the latest incarnation of the soul who is my one true soulmate and whom I already knew had chosen to remain in spirit at this key time and incarnation in order to assist me better from “above”. Indeed, I was then introduced to him and what followed was a most extraordinary introduction to this soul who is the mirror of me and whose love for me is second to none other than the universal consciousness itself.
His name as I knew him in our last joint incarnation many thousands of years ago in Kashmir, India, was Castria and I saw a picture of his face in that life, a young, handsome man with a slim light-skinned face and medium length dark burly locks and an intriguing smile, a man who, I am told, was my lover in yet another gay life of mine (that makes 3 I am aware of including this one!). He simply told me that he had come to announce his fulfilment of his promise to me to be by my side always, now that my “real work” in this life is about to begin.
So, there is what is for me a beautiful example of why real images can sometimes appear. But what then of fantasy images and how do I distinguish between them?
I will answer the second question first. The non-fantasy type of image, whether still or moving, has a certain vividness to it and leaves me with a knowing that it is a real image and not a creation of my subconscious imagination. I cannot put it any other way. The fantasy ones are often clearly so and are less vivid. These are a communication from the subconscious for whatever reason. Observed and interpreted appropriately, they give you a message about what is going on or something that needs attention in your life. They may also be a message for communication to someone else - I sometimes see representational images when a friend is seeking support in some way.
I recently a dream in fact (while sleeping) that told me I was making progress in accepting my new role in life as a teacher instead of a lawyer. But how did this show up - as words printed on a page in my head? No! The subconscious works in images, not words. The dream was strange. My current partner existed in the background of awareness and I was out at a gathering at a sort of multi-designer studios and there was a party in fact and my clothes were swapped from my fuddy duddy one for a really nice modern one that really suited me (see the imagery in that!) and I wanted to keep it and by the end of the dream (into which I kept dipping after moments of wakefulness) I was in my coat but with the new shirt underneath and I felt I had to own up to it and pay for it so I asked whose it was and could I buy it. It ended there as I awoke. In between I went to the loo and a man could see through the toilet that just had railings, not private at all and he came in thought he space was so tight even before he did that I couldn't move well and he stood behind me and took my penis and helped me pee and that was it (I think I awoke again then!) and later in the party my ex partner (who was not just like him but was a perfect image of his about 10 years ago) arrived but we were not together (as I said, my current partner existed in my awareness but was not there) and indeed I even referred to him as my ex and I showed off my new clothes, though he wasn't too impressed it seemed to me.
What is strange too is that I feel emotional and I couldn't put my finger on what the feeling was. It was making me feel tearful but it didn't feel like fear of the future actually and then it hit me, it is a grieving for the passing of a dear and longstanding friend, the old me, like I am sad to see him go. I suppose that is a sort of hanging on - my ex being there was a representation of the past yet I was not wanting to be with him at all and in fact I didn't much like him. I found him uninterested in anyone but himself. I think the coat over the new shirt was about the holding on, hiding my new self perhaps.
So, what I saw in this is progress, a recognition that I am a new person but not a full acceptance of it still. I later realised what the toilet incident meant: the toilet itself was tiny in two small chambers and had bars like bamboo in light grey around it so anyone could see in and though I noticed it but it didn't really bother me. That's when the chap appeared (after the event he looked completely different - neither one attractive at all!). It wasn't about sex in the dream and less so in its message. In simple terms, it represented my power and creativity (the penis!) and that I was comfortable for people now to see it though still a little reserved (the bars and the noticing of the visibility) and the man handling me (there was no sex) was my being comfortable with my power and its ability to call to & reach people.
That was a dream although it works the same way as with waking fantasy images and likewise comes from the deep subconscious processing things. Today I had an example of a waking “story”. In it, I saw an old man in a dark cloak and hood that looked a bit like a monk. He sat and looked forward, slightly hunched, sitting in moonlight on a snowy winter’s night. Afterwards he got up and was suddenly driving through the snow with some horses pulling a sledge or cart (I couldn’t quite make out which). Then the horses got stopped by the snow and became engulfed in it. Then a fresh image came: the horses somehow now free, the man, now looking remarkably like Santa Claus, was happily driving the horses forward at speed (speed that had the horses hairs swept back and snow cleared in their path until they took off into the air and by this time it was Santa Claus happily about to deliver his gifts to the children of the world. I then saw the deep, deep snow and a way ahead already cut in it for the man to pass through without hindrance.
This was very clear for a fantasy yes also vague and suddenly shifting like in a dream. So, what do I interpret this to mean? Well, the man in the monk’s outfit is me. I always say that I am about to live a non-religious ministry! I see that in a sometimes cold and dark world, if I allow myself to get caught up in the things that surround me, I will eventually be stopped and swallowed up by the cold and dark and so be unable to deliver on my gifts to mankind. So, instead, I must go speedily through the cold and dark, paying no attention to either aspect of my surroundings and instead keeping my eye on the road ahead (the vision for the future) and if I do this I will find that a way will always be made for me to pass safely through and deliver the gifts to the children, the gifts of my words to the lives of many unhappy souls eagerly awaiting their Santa Claus.
You may see my images differently but that is how I see them and indeed it makes sense to me at this crossroads in my life as I venture out to share with people what I have learned that has set me free in the hope it will help others. What is wonderful is that we can receive feedback from within, and feel truly connected with our whole selves. This muscle is becoming quite powerful and in identifying it, its power and effectiveness will grow even faster.
Monday, 1 August 2011
The Power of Commitment
In the past 48 hours I had been exchanging emails with a friend who was very down about her progress in life lately and even I feel victim to my own doubts and fears a bit in the last 24 hours. As I shared with her about the importance of being committed to yourself and to fulfilling your life purpose, things really shifted with my friend who wrote back sharing about the insights gained as a result and also talking about her work as being her truth. I explain this so you can make sense of my reply:
Dear [Anon]
For me the power of commitment is huge. When making one, we are saying we will do it, not that, as I said yesterday, we will “try” and it pulls us through our doubts and fears. How I see your "little wobbly" & mine is that we forgot our commitment for a moment and so the 1st thing I do is forgive myself and I invite you to do the same. Then we just dust ourselves off and get on with it! Same rules: just keep on doing what feels right till the moment we die. It really is that simple and when we get upset it is because we have allowed ourselves to get caught up in the drama of the illusion for a while. I can see it now for myself and I plod on patiently again. I really see it like running a marathon.
I would say that for me truth is very very high level - love - the rest is not truth but what you stand for and choose. So, for me, my truth is that I am pure love and am here to spread love and light to as many people as I can possibly reach. I set myself aspirations for that (many millions of people to reach) but that is detail and in some ways unimportant. In fact, I am love, compassion and integrity, a teacher and a writer. These are all subsets of the main thing. So some way down the list is the work I will do on the retreats in furtherance of the higher level stuff. I see it similarly for you - your work is the means of delivery of something that you wish to bring about and so it is not your truth but an important vehicle for the fulfilment of your purpose in this life.
Do you see what I mean? This is something I have been aware of for some time - it really helps to give clarity whilst not getting attached to detail - the retreats are a detail. No need for attachment. Sure, they will be powerful and an expression of the highest me, but that is all they are. They are not me. Indeed, I will do retreats for as long as it feels right but I know I also have much more I intend doing with my life, some of it I have a vague idea about and others I am still clueless about since in the current paradigm they are beyond my comprehension.
Why I am telling you this is not to "correct" you as such but to help you stand back from things and see yourself - when I do this, I see us as high spirits looking down at ourselves (I guess I am saying that what I am expressing here is a perspective from our higher selves, beyond our silly dramas from this life). I actually find it most uplifting to express it in this way, almost as if I have taken myself in hand like a naughty child and have set him straight and he is now happily sat at his toy (my Macbook) playing and sharing with his close friend! It brings a tear to my eye as I say it. LOL! I really see me as the little boy here and you are my little friend and we are in a playpen together as we both got upset with our toys!!! ROFL! It really is a very vivid picture for me right now!
In fact, looking at you again, seeing yourself from "up here" allows you to see the toys for what they are and not to take them too seriously. It is not to belittle my retreats or your own work but they are vehicles and nothing more. Our choice of partners are fellow travellers for however long both parties wish - again, nothing more. When we do our work we will be very happy as any child would be with the toy of their dreams but all toys become boring after a while and we will move on when the time is right. Retreats are not my life’s work as I have been saying. They are the highest expression of my life so far and of my higher self too but later there will be more if I remain "up for it" and how far we go is up to us individually. I know my higher self has set a path that stretches way beyond my imaginings at this time but that is OK. Its fun watching it unravel.
I feel so happy now, at peace with myself and no longer frustrated or fearful.
I hope this helps.
Love
Maitland
Dear [Anon]
For me the power of commitment is huge. When making one, we are saying we will do it, not that, as I said yesterday, we will “try” and it pulls us through our doubts and fears. How I see your "little wobbly" & mine is that we forgot our commitment for a moment and so the 1st thing I do is forgive myself and I invite you to do the same. Then we just dust ourselves off and get on with it! Same rules: just keep on doing what feels right till the moment we die. It really is that simple and when we get upset it is because we have allowed ourselves to get caught up in the drama of the illusion for a while. I can see it now for myself and I plod on patiently again. I really see it like running a marathon.
I would say that for me truth is very very high level - love - the rest is not truth but what you stand for and choose. So, for me, my truth is that I am pure love and am here to spread love and light to as many people as I can possibly reach. I set myself aspirations for that (many millions of people to reach) but that is detail and in some ways unimportant. In fact, I am love, compassion and integrity, a teacher and a writer. These are all subsets of the main thing. So some way down the list is the work I will do on the retreats in furtherance of the higher level stuff. I see it similarly for you - your work is the means of delivery of something that you wish to bring about and so it is not your truth but an important vehicle for the fulfilment of your purpose in this life.
Do you see what I mean? This is something I have been aware of for some time - it really helps to give clarity whilst not getting attached to detail - the retreats are a detail. No need for attachment. Sure, they will be powerful and an expression of the highest me, but that is all they are. They are not me. Indeed, I will do retreats for as long as it feels right but I know I also have much more I intend doing with my life, some of it I have a vague idea about and others I am still clueless about since in the current paradigm they are beyond my comprehension.
Why I am telling you this is not to "correct" you as such but to help you stand back from things and see yourself - when I do this, I see us as high spirits looking down at ourselves (I guess I am saying that what I am expressing here is a perspective from our higher selves, beyond our silly dramas from this life). I actually find it most uplifting to express it in this way, almost as if I have taken myself in hand like a naughty child and have set him straight and he is now happily sat at his toy (my Macbook) playing and sharing with his close friend! It brings a tear to my eye as I say it. LOL! I really see me as the little boy here and you are my little friend and we are in a playpen together as we both got upset with our toys!!! ROFL! It really is a very vivid picture for me right now!
In fact, looking at you again, seeing yourself from "up here" allows you to see the toys for what they are and not to take them too seriously. It is not to belittle my retreats or your own work but they are vehicles and nothing more. Our choice of partners are fellow travellers for however long both parties wish - again, nothing more. When we do our work we will be very happy as any child would be with the toy of their dreams but all toys become boring after a while and we will move on when the time is right. Retreats are not my life’s work as I have been saying. They are the highest expression of my life so far and of my higher self too but later there will be more if I remain "up for it" and how far we go is up to us individually. I know my higher self has set a path that stretches way beyond my imaginings at this time but that is OK. Its fun watching it unravel.
I feel so happy now, at peace with myself and no longer frustrated or fearful.
I hope this helps.
Love
Maitland
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