Powerful Creativity from “Going Inward”

In the 24 hours or so since I realised that my next big challenge was to find a focus for the theories I am writing about, rather than just putting them “out there”, thinking they will somehow magically reach the right people, and I have gone through several phases: first, a sort of panic based on the fear that I am not up to the task (worthless!); second, a sense of having come to a grinding halt, a brick wall of nothingness (see yesterday’s blog entry for how that felt!); third, after a good night’s sleep, a reluctant acceptance and conscious choice not to push it or “stress it”; and now the most powerful state so far, a wholehearted surrender to the process, the creative process, if you like.

It is in that space that I write this piece somewhat excitedly as the process has brought me peace of mind and real faith that I will find the solution when the time is right. The source of this was the realisation that “going inward”, as I was advised to do, is far easier than I had realised. When people told me this in the past, I tended to be afraid that I wasn’t able to. I have a busy mind and though I meditate often it is often not necessarily the most powerful meditation that one could achieve - I have taught myself that it is better to do it than not (many people are so perturbed by the inability to silence their mind that they give up before they start).

But “going inward” can be done without meditation if necessary and, indeed, very powerfully when supported by other tools to get into a creative flow and it is this realisation that has freed me up from reluctance to genuine patience and faith, a sort of knowing that things will be all right.

So, what I do in order to “power up” this process to maximum effect - which will produce results equally effective as with the best of meditations - is that I start by being clear on what it is I am asking of myself and the universe; what is it exactly that I want answered - if it is blurred, this will confuse the subconscious as well as the universal consciousness into which I am effectively tapping when I do this.

Then, if I have any fears or doubts about my ability to do it, I notice how the ego likes to play games, thank it for its contribution and then let the thought go and trust in the process. It is a bit like when you are trying to remember something but it stubbornly sticks in the recesses of the mind and won’t come out: the more your force it, the more you try, the worse it gets; whereas, if you let go, think about something else, 9 times out of 10 the answer will suddenly pop into your head. In effect, this process is the same but is taken to a more creative level, not simply retrieving something from the annals of your memory, but processing things so as to churn out something innovative, the essence of human creativity.

Depending on the size of the creative task you have set yourself, the process then involves degrees of patience: the bigger and more complex the issue, the longer it will usually take for the answer to be forthcoming, but there are no hard and fast rules. Some things will flash into consciousness as soon you relax your mind; others will take days, weeks, months or even years perhaps, but if so the level of detail and creativity will certainly be outstanding, perhaps even a quantum leap of human thinking. For most purposes, the period will be very short.

For me, realising that I can just let go and use this process to answer my predicament about the angle and focus to apply to my work and my ebook is enough to trigger, first, that peace of mind I referred to earlier but, then, a sort of creative flow that led to this piece that I am writing now. Most exciting of all is that during the outpouring of this creative flow, the results of which you now see before you, I began to see things from it that touch upon the answer to my problem. It is not all there yet, but in the sudden rush of creativity born of freeing the mind and trusting the process, the answer is already beginning to come through, almost like magic. So this is all that going inward requires; this is the power of what it can produce!

Moving Beyond the Tower of Babel

Words suffice to describe the feelings of most of us for everyday purposes, yet they never suffice for those of us who seek a deeper understanding and fulfilment. They limit the sensations by attempting to define them. This is unfortunate since it will not allow for fluctuations and subtleties that need expression yet cannot find words.

The medium of feelings to communicate sensitively has long been used by ancient cultures but we have lost touch with this innate skill that transcends language barriers; barriers of language both within cultural groups and between them.

The goal of this article is to awaken in some a desire for a return to what was once normal, to what expresses accurately one’s feelings and needs without having to struggle to find suitable words. Once relearned, this skill enlivens the connection between humans and brings the possibility of mutual understanding at a deep level in a way that is not possible with words.

This process I describe for feeling sooner than speaking is communication by telepathy. It takes time and practice to ‘build the muscle’ we all have as our birthright and time is on our side as we slide into a new era and begin to seek understanding as the source of mutual respect and love amongst humans as well as the source of world peace.

In future I will explore some practices one can adopt to begin the process of rebuilding the muscle of this important skill for mankind’s long term growth and survival.

Sleeping Blind

It is for me as if I have hit a brick wall after travelling at some speed and with relish, only to find that the journey had no destination of value and now all the accumulated mileage is meaningless and pointless. It is as abrupt and blinding as that. I can conceive of no way out, as if in a maze that has suddenly closed in on me, crushing my spirit and enthusiasm. It is very strange. My current numbness, born of a blindingly obvious yet neglected need for focus of intent and benefit for all that I am doing, has brought me to a grinding halt that has had me frozen all day, so frozen that till now not even words have been emitted to describe the block on my thinking that even had my blog dry of contribution and understanding. In a rare moment of inability to see the next step, I will just surrender to the now and relax until a new day brings fresh perspective on my dilemma that comes remarkably close to reviving that sense of worthlessness that I had thought surmounted. Beyond my current vision is just one thing, just one glimmer of hope for tomorrow: my faith that the universe always pulls me through, no matter what it is. That I cannot yet see it is of little importance. I shall not waste sleep in anxiety over the dilemma; instead I look forward to whatever tomorrow may bring by way of clarity and focus. I shall sleep blind.

Pulling the Plug on the Impact of a Lie

Allowing the effects of this recent healing about my “worthlessness issue” to slowly unfold, I had a “shower moment” this morning when I realised that not only had I resisted completing any of the five books I have started because of it but also I am afraid that if I put down all the detail, it would become obvious that it is worthless!

In fact, the effects of the lie my ego told myself for decades is far more involved than I make it sound. I have noticed in the last couple of days how I see other people doing different yet somewhat similar things to me and for that they produce considerable detail that scares the living daylight out of me (even repulses me!). It is only this shower moment that got me to see why I felt that way. If I have any chance of making my life purpose come true, I have to transcend this fear and I am aware that as I come out of the healing phase, I will still feel its effects as I slowly adjust to the healing. The first step is the awareness, the identification of the issue. Then one can choose being something else rather than fearful.

It is my passionate desire to ignite in others the many wonders that lie within us all. To do that I cannot expect to act alone and I must be able to express it clearly and in detail if I am to reach more than a few hundred people - I say that because I am fine with handling things intuitively “one-on-one” but that severely limits the effectiveness and reach of my work.

I know that for me the one thing that always works is to forget myself and my fears and to plough ahead regardless, simply trusting that when I connect with the universe and write from the heart, I always produce something effective that reaches those the universe intends it to reach. I am watching this process with great interest, if also more than a little trepidation, but one thing is for sure, I will not let this continue, no matter what I have to do.

A Healing Revisited - Part 3

How fascinating this healing process has been: much pain, emotion and finally an upset stomach that left me feeling utterly drained today, both literally and energetically, so much so that I had to cancel my last chance for lunch with a friend before she leave for foreign parts tomorrow. and instead I just slept for some 90 minutes.

I felt that, though separate ailments, they were all connected with the same issue in my life and that this might be the closing chapter on the mini saga of my healing. Sure enough, when I woke up I felt so much better and within an hour I was almost back to normal in terms of freshness and energy and also 90% of the pain in my arms had vanished in just a few hours. In fact, I could almost observe myself getting better, so fast was the change. Several hours later, I feel totally reinvigorated and almost back to my very energetic, upbeat self, except with the extra benefits of the healing which I really feel is set to catapult me forward at long last.

Only time will tell but I have been shocked by today's peculiar events and ailments and the rapid change that seems to have brought 5-6 days of sometimes hellish pain to an end. What strikes me is how much easier it was because I went along with the process, even though it was painful, because I understood some of how the body works to help us by releasing pent up negative energy in the form of pain and sickness, pent up energy that otherwise holds us back and even brings long term health problems. It is also trying to tell us what it wrong so that we can make changes for the better. In modern thinking, so much of medicine has neglected this time-honoured understanding and respect for our body and how it works. It is such a pity.

A Healing Revisited - Part 2

Another day dawns and the physical pain is still strong and extremely debilitating as the healing process continues to eject all the pent up negative energy from decades of subconsciously feeling worthless. As I stand back and observe myself undergoing this painful healing, I recognise that I am better off peacefully accepting the process, going with its natural flow, since it is ultimately in my best interests and, after all, nothing last forever.

Then, as I sat here poised to write today’s blog entry, a strong surge of sadness surfaces and I immediately see it for what it is, a deep sadness, the emotional pain of years of feeling worthless and all that it has cost me in life until now. It is quite breathtaking as I feel the buried sadness emerging from the depths of my being and I allow myself to be with the pain, to experience it and no longer deny it, and as I do so I fight back the tears that would otherwise flow, since I am for now in a public place!

However, I welcome this surfacing of hidden emotions (energy) that has been locked deep inside me for so long: I welcome it also for the firm evidence that it constitutes for the effectiveness of the healing process and for the prospect it offers for flourishing at long last in the wake of all the pain both physical and emotional. For this reason, again I say, I would not swap this important if unpleasant experience for anything.

A Healing Revisited

How slippery is the ego on the path to freedom! Just when you think you are getting somewhere, it hits you in the back of the head!

I have looked at myself very closely over the last 7 years or so and I thought I had got to the bottom of something I knew was eating me away yet was slow to reveal itself: I refer to my favourite topic, my worthlessness (don’t cry, please!). So painful was the fear that my ego had hidden the memory of what it came from but I persisted and after two months of enquiry and leaving it to my subconscious to disclose, it finally came home to roost and I saw it in all its pathetic glory...the moment when my father had slapped me for breaking a valuable wedding present when I was aged just three. Being three years old, I drew conclusions that for an adult may seem silly, that “my Daddy doesn’t love me” and “I’m obviously not worth anything because he thinks the valuable gift is more important than me!”. The sad thing is that it is incidents like this that form the basis of who we think we are (our ego or personality), yet they are mere reflections or interpretations of what other people seem to think about us. They are not at all real.

Since this awakening I felt it was “handled” or “healed” but, in fact, I now understand healing at a deeper level and such life-shaping decisions attract negative energy that we store inside our whole self and indeed continue to do so as evidence secretly accumulates within us over the years to “prove we are right”. It is this that I am now dealing with at the next level. Will I shed it completely? I doubt it. Will it have the effect of reducing its impact on my life considerably? Of that, I have no doubt.

That said, where I am at now is that I have woken up to where this childish yet seemingly very real (if buried) fear is impacting my life and holding me back from writing the books that so excite me that I gave up everything to create them! It took the physical manifestation of the fear to awaken me and bring me to this latest healing on my endless journey. Right now it shows up as agonising aches in the arms and neck, so bad that I find I cannot stretch to reach up for even the lightest things - how interesting is it that the manifestation of my fears even shows me that I cannot, with this ailment, hope to reach for the things I aspire to unless I heal it?

My body, relieved at my awakening, slowly allows me to heal but not before using the opportunity to rid itself of the negative energy my poor, long suffering body has endured and stored away like a mischievous squirrel. So it is that I reluctantly embrace the process and go with the flow of the pain until it is gone (with a little help from pain killers when it gets severe!). I await with interest the end of this phase so that I may resume normal life but empowered by this latest letting go or healing. Such is the journey that pain does sometimes ensue in order to release us from the burdens of the past. I may not enjoy it but I would have it no other way.

Out in Nature

Today our trip to visit my partner’s second cousin has brought us out into the country for the first time in many weeks, thus feeding my craving for nature, that source of sustaining energy, energy that feeds my heart and my connection with the universe. Just being among trees, in peace and with clean air lifts me like a refreshing drink or healthy meal. How ever did I manage to live for so long in the choking energy of London, such a large, intense presence that drains sooner than nourishes. Yet for all that, I still love London; I just cannot live there any more.

The much quieter and smaller Chiang Mai has also become too much for me and I cannot wait until we make the leap at last into nature in the relative paradise that is Krabi. That thought sustains me as I slowly address the issues that need resolving before that leap can be made, now just five short weeks away.

As the co-creator of my existence, I do what I can when it feels right but, as for the things that are beyond me to change, I simply make the request of the universe, knowing it will sort things out when the time is right. I can accept that and be at peace or I can fight it and the futility of doing so will cause me stress, which is suffering by another name, suffering that I can choose to experience or not. The choice is mine and mine alone and I choose inner peace.

Ours is Not to Reason Why

"Ours is not to reason why. Ours is but to do and die", Alfred Lord Tennyson.

There are years ahead of me, I hope, in which to fulfil my potential and realise my ambitions. These ambitions are ahead of my like a guiding light or principle and they call upon me to stretch myself and my thinking way beyond what Maitland Kalton, the ego, can contemplate at this time. It lies within us all to do something great, something momentous that is worthy of our precious time on Earth.

That said, until we believe it and identify it, it lies dormant within, perhaps never to be realised and I feel sad when I consider the lost opportunity for each of us as we let life pass us by without thought of what great thing we are here to do. It is usually something surprisingly big and it often lies beyond our conscious awareness.

As for me, I am astounded at what came out when I sat down to write out my main purpose in life, my commitment. At first I fed ideas from conscious thought about helping people find and fulfil their true potential and indeed I do wish to do that but the words sounded a little contrived, so I decided to approach it differently. I engaged the consciousness of my whole self (mind, body and spirit) and then handed over to “it” (me) the task of producing something that is the essence of my purpose, simply transcribing the words as they poured forth. What resulted was almost shocking for me:

“My main commitment and purpose in life is to ignite in mankind a desire for honesty and integrity in all dealings, to unify mankind as a single whole and to being peace to the entire planet”.

Well, there’s an easy task - I think I’ll manage that by lunchtime on Tuesday! In fact I have no idea where these words come from nor how I will do it, though I can see the seeds of it already in what I am now doing, following my heart to a career as a writer.

Of course such grandiose statements are beyond Maitland, the ego, as I have said, but expressed with passion and commitment from the core of my whole being and coupled with undying faith, since anything is possible in life, so then is this too...and so shall it be, since “Ours is not to reason why......” (or how)!

The Co-creators of Life

It is said that we are the co-creators of our life with God, not just observers as it unfolds. That said, we are also sometimes told that it is wrong to desire (at least with attachment), so where lies the boundary between co-creation and pushing against the natural flow of things? Of that I am unsure, even confused. As I let my pen speak freely without forethought from me, what emerges is the following:

You are my fellows in the creation of what you seek for your life. You have the power, with me, to be, do and have whatever you want. I will not hinder you if you will leave me to do my bit in the process in a time frame that suits your needs from my perspective, not yours.

You need to act clearly to show me your desires and your passion for their fulfilment, nothing more. From then, just listen out and feel your way through, doing what feels right in the moment and nothing more. Correct any aberrations from course and stay in touch with me periodically to indicate your continuing desire, but don’t push me, for I will deliver...when the time is right.

Remember, I will facilitate whatever outcome, so do take care in what you wish for, as it may turn around and bite you!