A New Year's Eve Ramble

Once again, a blank sheet before me and nowhere to go, no goal to achieve, no purpose in mind other than the free expression of my true self pouring onto the page before me uncontrolled and with heart-felt passion. So where will you lead me today my lovely inner self, what truths will unfold of the lies untold till now? Will you be mine, true and unlimited or will you withhold yourself until another time and thereby deny your power and grace to all, unseen, hidden, denied, a fraud on the self?

No, I will venture forth and discover what there is to know today, what beauty of revelation exists in simple flow, in letting go of the self in favour of the divine inner me, my own alma mater, my one true friend, myself. Spill it out, spew forth the regurgitated thoughts until they are new and fresh and reborn of I know not what, but reborn they will be anyway, will no end in sight, no purpose, just the quintessentially aimless ramblings of a futile mind and body surrendering to the soul once more.

So, here I am. Take me...for what I am and who I am and be me, the child of a flawless universe, the son of mankind and father of all things, the internal paradox in everything. I am me, all, everything, yet nothing in a vast existence beyond the stars and beyond even the realms of love. Floating aimlessly allows me to see the stars, the world, the universe, the coils sprung deep within life bursting forth in existence that is but transitory, a magical journey as if on drugs but in my case no drug is necessary as I shun pure rigid existence and instead flow within and without, weaving the tapestry of life, neither moaning nor screaming with joy, for in this state there is no point in either state of being, just so, heaven in a state of being beyond feelings, awareness as an observer and nothing more, yet so it is I know myself to be part of the divine order and in surrender to it I am more than I can ever be alone.

So now what...?

Life is Good!

As I caressed the ever-diminishing remains of my “laughing Buddha” styled tummy, I felt a new love and closeness with my body, a strong urge to treat it as it deserves, with love and respect always. So long has it suffered my excesses, stresses and challenges, now is an awakening to the that part of me, the whole me, that has so sorely been neglected at times, the vehicle of this wonderful incarnation.

Then a short time later I took Lucky (my dog) out for a lunchtime walk and as I passed a neighbour a street away, he smiled and exchanged brief pleasantries in typical Thai style and as I left him I pondered the awareness of the loving way he was painting his front porch and painting pots to match. The colour choices would not have been mine but I saw a light form of love and respect for his home.

So, this second dose of loving respect, this time for an external inanimate object, reminded me of the love I had put into preparing a delicious meal for my partner last night and suddenly, amidst the tripartite experiences of honouring oneself and others and other things with loving respect, I felt a surge of bliss, a sense of wonder at life and the consciousness of love and being at one with everything. It all made sense to me, the love starts with oneself, one’s whole self, mind body and spirit and the more one feels it, the more one heals the lack of it, the greater it is.

Life is good!

Don’t Give Things Up, Just Heal

In the strangest, perhaps most challenging of circumstances on several levels, I find myself truly blissful and indeed excited as I notice myself emerging free of bonds that have tied me for decades, bonds of unnecessary weight and regular alcohol consumption.

The traditional approach to such things is to “give things up” and this creates a tension within the whole self, the mind, body and spirit. The reason the weight and regular beers were there in the first place was to protect me from pain, to give me comfort and numb reality that I secretly perceived as deeply painful; secretly to myself as well, as I had no idea how much pain lay buried deep within my subconsciousness as I went about my life, often smiling even int he face of challenges. But now I face a future of real smiles and peace of mind.

I have prayed for several years to be able to be slim again and not to drink every day as I have, pretty much, for the last 30 years or more, not large amounts all that time but every day without fail for more than 25 of those years!

What I was seeking was, in effect, a healing of the issues that had me feel I needed to be this way and only now do I feel ready to shed this shell I wore to protect me from my heartache. It is a wonderful feeling: having done much work to heal myself and with considerable external help from the forces that help if we ask, this realisation that I am ready has been triggered by the detox diet I am undergoing in which I just don’t miss drinking at all and all I care about is healthy, delicious food, things that honour my body and fill it with energy and a lust for life.

The whole point about this is that doing it this way, healing the underlying causes, it is truly effortless and I have no sense of giving anything up - besides which, I have every intention of enjoying the odd glass of wine or beer, etc. I knew that in order to lead life-changing retreats I should be healed and whole to a level that has shed all addictions and here I am, now ready to receive all that I have been asking for.

I finally see that I am ready to step out into the world, free to yet another level, happy in my skin, yet all of this at a time when some aspects of my life are extremely challenging! What an adventure life is!

Itchy Fingers!

So, it seems my fingers are itching to write something; no particular place to go but a strong desire to express myself from my heart and my fingers are listening, even when I am not!

“Why?”, I hear you say. No reason, just a feeling. Feelings have no reasons. They just are. If only we could live in the feelings of what is and just be. How simple and peaceful that would be. No place to get to, no past to lament or future to long for, just now: the beautiful ever-changing patterns on the clouds at dawn as the sun rises and bring new hues on subtle puffs of white to a myriad variations pink, grey and blue, of wondrous art hewn on the fleeting art of the skies.

As I wonder around in this state of awareness I see new buds and shoots rise amid dying and dead branches and leaves, the whole cycle of life before my very eyes in its own glory, without associated fear that usually accompanies the cycle in humans, so often unaware of their part in nature for all it is.

Next, a sound: the shrill whistling of a small group tropical birds as they call to each other and play as the day breaks and beyond, providing a regular chorus that reminds me not only of their presence and their beautiful song but also the immense beauty all around me in my simple tropical paradise.

Then later in the day as heavier clouds form, the forbidding dark grey tones that promise a heavy downfall are both cause for seeking protection but also for delight as the anticipation grows and shortly before the first drops come, a sudden rush of wind to stir things up and beckon the oncoming rains. Then, in a flash, there it comes, pouring down so fast it fills large tubs in minutes and washes away much of the accumulated detritus since the last storm and I watch as the torrential rains bring freshness to all that surrounds me and invigorates me with its electric energy, its passionate embrace of the earth an act of natural love.

By my very presence in being, I see this and not the sourness of grey skies or the ugliness of dead plants. I see life in all its beauty and I am content.

By way of gift, my fingers bring me beyond the many minor woes of my day to a state of gratitude and joy, the source of the woes, a creation of a busy mind looking at what it thinks should be rather than what is, soon swept aside.

Oneness Episodes: True Glimpses of Reality

I have noticed that since I began the very powerful pyramid sessions 7 days ago in which I receive very high frequency energies, I have had the usual feelings of tiredness but also a strange sensation occasionally that I find hard to put into words.

Usually it occurs when napping, just before I nod off. I have often experienced what is presumably the commonplace drifting into sleep when “reality” mixes with dreams but this is different. In that same time slot, perhaps immediately before it, everything is strange, very confusing, like nothing makes sense anymore.

Though I remain unable to express it in words properly, I suddenly saw it for what it is this morning: I am temporarily experiencing a total lifting of the veil of illusion that we call reality and suddenly it is gone. It lasts but a split second but is perhaps a little disconcerting. My first sense was that I was “losing it” but I now realise it is part of the process as I am almost literally re-wired by the high frequency energies that I am receiving.

I actually get the odd even shorter glimpse of it sometimes during the day - not much at all but just the tiniest split second in the middle of doing something. It started with lapses in my ability to connect quickly as I am used to being able to do, having a very quick, mercurial mind as I do, but it developed to this very interesting experience. I wonder where it will lead.

I don’t expect that these episodes will necessarily grow or expand I suspect they are merely symptoms of this process, of this “re-wiring” that I had already been warned would happen and would ultimately result in me seeing the entire nature of this world differently. I have also been told that the process with inculcate a sense of oneness not only at a mental level but at a body level too so again I suspect this is part of it.

The nearest experience I have had to this, on reflection, is very different and occurred 21 years ago after a year of regular meditation (once or twice a day) and involved me walking down the street when suddenly, I had a flash sense that I was just part of everything around me, the garden of the ordinary terraced house that I was passing at the time, just everything. It was a magical moment of oneness that I have never forgotten and kept open the possibility of a universal consciousness (that for shorthand I now sometimes call “God”), though i stopped meditating for 15 years and only when I started again did I suddenly find the strong faith that I now have.

So, strange though this experience is, I think it is wonderful and a sign of major internal shifts in my consciousness as well as my physical being, a move to open oneness consciousness, not merely as a intellectual concept but as an actual experience of “reality”.

Successfully Navigating the Chamber of Demons

Yesterday, I read somewhere a tale about some monks that had to pass through a chamber of demons before getting to the door on the other side that leads into the promised land, the highest state of inner peace. The tale went that monks often went into it never to emerge but when eventually one did so, he was asked how he did it, he said he just kept his eye on the door at all times.

This resonated with me as I pass through that chamber myself and feel the tugging of the demons around me, the demons of doubt and fear. Then later as I shared this with my best friend, I went deeper into the allegory and saw that the best way to live in the most fulfilled and happiest way is to set your sights on that intention without attachment to anything - how it should look and how one should get there - and then just take one step at a time, knowing one will pass through hurdles designed to strengthen us along the way, guided only by what feels right in the moment and NEVER losing sight of the door and ALWAYS following one’s heart.

The only addition to make to this simple way of living is to live in the moment, mindful of that door but present to all that is around you, looking for the good, the benefit in every experience, pleasant or unpleasant, grateful for what each one brings and happy to be on the journey.

With this I don’t need to know what step to take in two steps’ time or whether I will “succeed” - success is in every step, even when we feel we have taken the “wrong one”, for the wrong one never exists as each is perfect to teach us something new. Even persistently “failing” to learn the lesson is simply a set back that will eventually be corrected in this life or another.

So I am reminded to accept today’s challenges with gratitude, to notice my feelings that are unpleasant and know that there us a reason for them surfacing to be released and thereby empower me in the next step of the journey. Do I find this easy? No! Am I committed to this path and this perspective, however? Oh, yes indeed!

Nothing to Do But Wait

There’s nothing to do but wait...wait for my cold to get better, wait for the healing I am undergoing to be completed, wait to see what will come of me and my future, the future to which I have surrendered whilst not really knowing of what it will consist.

So, here I am sat in my “pyramid”, my “intergalactic vehicle for redemption”, to supercharge ‘ad infinitum’ and I am bored, not really tempted by the highly rated if somewhat old film that I have been watching. So, instead I turn to my electronic “pad” and start to scribble the words you are now reading. There’s no place to get to, no goal or end, just wherever they take me, a word-based ramble which is pretty much all I am capable of in this mixture of heat, humidity, fatigue and mucus!

I have become quite a patient man really. I obediently do what I am “told”, guided by words and feelings to do nothing but relax and rest for now. Days have past, perpetually tired but with passing moods that flit in briefly and leave as fast as they came to make room for the next one, the next eradication of past unhappiness from the deep recesses of my ageing mind. Yet, I do not complain too much, remarking on the varying states of being but knowing they are unreal and will soon pass, thereby freeing me of concerns about what it all means. I am therefore at liberty to pursue whatever entertainment I can find.

Now almost recovered from my online addiction to social media, I still peek into it frequently but now leave almost as fast, since I can see how trivial it has all become or is it that something is shifting in me, the petty observations and debates, the meaningless statements and assertions, the occasional conflicts and derisions. It all seems such a waste of time but I search still for something to fill the boredom of this temporary state. But why? Why not be contented with the free time and dwell in the moment rather than on dissatisfaction that has the ‘now’ occur as lonely and boring?

There is no reason, except perhaps for false expectations and disappointments, things I set my mind to that may or may not come to fruition. We shall see. It will slowly be unveiled when the time is right and patience is a virtue I have come to admire greatly. In the meantime, let nature take its course with my cold, my moods and my overall well-being, for tomorrow is another day made better by today’s patient acceptance.

Occupy “For”, Not “Against”

Having seen a friend’s link to a video entitled, “David Icke - Essential Knowledge For A Wall Street Protestor”, I took the time to listen for once. I am not an avid fan of Mr Icke’s, though he speaks a lot of sense at times, but it just felt right to do so and I must say that I very glad that I did, not because it says much I didn’t know already from him and  others but because he succinctly explains what could happen if these valiant, peaceful protests succeed only to be met by the forces behind the current system.

I want to make something very clear: I am not against anything, because being against something is, by definition, negative and I have learned that all negativity breeds more negativity. So, does that mean that we all join hands and sing “Kumbaya” while Rome burns, so to speak? No, decidedly not!

Before I set out what I am for, I want to be clear that there is a distinction between focusing on a negative and beneficial discernment: the former is undesirable since it brings more of the same (negativity) whereas the latter allows us to be aware of what we are up against whilst standing for something positive. It is with discernment in mind that I advocate listening to the video, in order to watch out for ourselves individually and collectively, not to rouse anger and rebellion.

So, what I support is positive evolution of society and mankind by a firm yet peaceful stand for what we want as a collective, not against anything. I stand for:

Power of the individual and the collective
Freedom
Love
Peace
Social justice

And I advocate a stand for this in the face of anything that is less than these things.

I don’t stand for fighting for these things, as that itself is conflict and, therefore, negative. I see a simple image of me stood proudly in public, hand in hand with my fellow humans of equal dedication, saying what we stand for and want and approving only that which meets what we stand for and want and rejecting anything else. Now, once you have seen the video by David Icke, you will see that the protests could indeed be met by solutions that answer the call, solutions that answer stands against certain things. So, for example, to stand up against the banks would appear to be met by greater central regulation and perhaps later a central global bank as anticipated by Mr Icke. Regardless of whether a particular forecast of Mr Icke’s is the actual outcome, it is illustrative of what could happen if we stand against something and not for it.

Instead, we must stand firmly for what we want and what meets those exact broad principles, much as what the founding fathers of the original union of states in North America stood for in the face of the oppression their forebears left behind in Europe. The constitution, before it was tampered with, stood for higher level guiding principles and not for negative controlling laws that have become an ever-increasing mass intelligible only to an elite whose status, often based on manipulation of laws, has lost all public respect.

The simple reality is that we exist and we have power individually and collectively and anything that purports to grants us rights that we have by grace of God (or whatever you choose to call the benevolent universal life force) is a fraud upon the people who have power as a matter of fact: standing firmly but peacefully for what they want can never ultimately be resisted by any self-appointed “authority”. Failure to make such a stand, however, could indeed result in a negative scenario such as the one painted by Mr Icke.

Finally, I say, be not afraid, as fear begets fears; fear begets loss of power; fear empowers those whose values are opposed to what humanity deserves. So, I urge you to beware clarion calls for action against anything and boldly stand for what you want.

A Release from the Prison of Right and Wrong

It’s funny how, even in the most surprising places, there lurk lessons and insights that lift our spirit, if we are open to receiving them. Today, a friend had posted what I would describe as the Facebook equivalent of a greetings card, that is a photo with an inspiring caption. Having thanked her for it, she later posted the following in response:

“With your words I feel good. I feel love. (I may not agree with all :^) )
Bless you bro...♥”

What is interesting is that those simple little words in brackets caught my attention and made me ask myself what she could be referring to, what I may have said in the past that she did not agree with. Being “right” was so important to me that it was a little unsettling but I didn’t let this stop me responding and I just went with the flow and was surprised by what came out:

“Thank you. Take, from anything I or anyone says, whatever feels right for you. What is right for me is not necessarily right for you. But I speak a basic truth. There is a difference between truth and right/wrong. In other words, I do not speak of right or wrong and therefore am not right or wrong. I speak only truth, the truth of the heart. This distinction is important and the right/wrong mentality is one born of a dualistic society run on ego. In that world one must be right or otherwise wrong. I no longer operate by those standards and live only according to my truth, so I am now free of the prison of right and wrong. Hooray! LOL!”

And later I added another follow-up post:

“When I wrote that post and I spoke from my heart without conscious involvement or planning and it just felt good and in my case it truly liberated me from being entrapped by worries about being right or wrong - God knows how trapped lawyers are in that little conundrum! The key thing is to speak from the heart. If we then extrapolate things from the experiences, they are interpretations and those may or may not be accurate but the experience itself cannot be right or wrong, it just IS, as long as the expression of it is words is at least reasonably close to accurate from a heart perspective.”

I find this exchange fascinating, for in it lies the realisation of how much we live in a world of right and wrong and that such a perspective is not real. It assumes things are black and white rather than a wonderful rainbow of truths and a black hole of falsehoods.

The realisation itself, the fresh awareness it brought to me, set me free and all discomfort left me. It also teaches me only to teach by example and leave others to choose those parts that feel right for them and discard the rest; also, to learn by experience and what resonates as right for me rather than what others tells me to think. Imagine if we were taught at school in such an empowering fashion, not filled with someone else’s interpretation of “facts” that become distorted according to the acceptable paradigm of the day: put another way, education is largely a lie, a process of brainwashing people into “acceptable” behaviours and beliefs.

Free of this process, we are at liberty to explore the universe at a whole new level, a level that expresses our true selves and expands it within what feels right for us and not according to what is acceptable to others. Thus the lid comes off the box and we can explode with creativity and confidence in who we are without the need for approval by others. How wonderful would it be for that to become the norm, the way we are trained to be! What wonders would mankind henceforth be able to perform!

Lessons in Aloofness

I want to share this email to a friend that contains a succinct summary of today's lessons for me on aloofness:

Hello sweetie.

I was feeling a little void today - all the rain and no major developments on the surface, not sure how to react to certain things including expressing opinions, supporting causes, etc. But then on the way back from [the supermarket] later I saw that what is being asked of me is not to get involved in things of this world, political, moral or otherwise, to stand aloof, to be in this world and not of it, to extricate myself from participation and with it came a peace, a strong wisdom.

I have since ventured into grey areas and this is fine since I then explore boundaries. But this is about mental discipline and not allowing the issues of this world to drag me down. It does not mean to condone behaviour and for others it may be OK to make stands for things but I must remain neutral and speak my truth and nothing more. I immediately removed a protest entry on FB about what my friend called state sanctioned murder (execution of an innocent man). I can stand for love but not against anything. I think this succinctly sums up what is asked of me and now I understand and am happy. It is not to give up on justice but to stand for it from on high, to manifest it from non-engagement because the engagement carries a serious risk of taking it out, of causing it to fail: it is just one step removed from anger and then loss.

I said to you earlier that the illness aspect of the anger was a new perspective but it isn’t really, just in this context, I haven’t seen it in action - but now I see that there is no difference between anger at a known individual from anger at some nameless entity who has let the road prematurely stripped road surface remain untreated and therefore dangerous or at some company whose unilateral change in terms literally steals from me. Every person involved in either situation is, I know, much more than this (individually and collectively) and as such is no better or worse than me at their true core. They deserve my love, compassion and forgiveness so that they too may find the light, not my anger, my “righteous indignation” that denies them everything and locks them up in judgment.

I wanted to share this with you, since I have struggled in the last 24 hours to see what is my lesson: now it is abundantly clear and very wonderful.

Love

Maitland