Lessons in the Park 1

(about patience, gratitude and loving kindness)

I sat in the middle of the park whilst in the middle of a 14-day detox diet, asking myself as I sat there what useful lessons I might take from the sometimes difficult experience involving no solid food at all and only water to which lime juice and either maple syrup or fresh sugar cane juice have been added with a dash of chilli! Now several days into the diet, as I sat pondering in the scorching summer heat in Chiang Mai, I allowed myself to get calm with the positive energy of surrounding nature to help me maximise my quest for the silver lining in the challenging experience, the silver lining beyond the cleansing of my body for health and the considerable weight loss.

What I saw first was that what kept me going in the face of the stringent fasting was first the effect on my health and fitness as I shed accumulated toxins and fat from my now overweight body and the image of me looking slim and fit once more, something that would extend far beyond the detox diet period into a healthy ongoing eating regime. These benefits powerfully supported me, especially when, as an ardent lover of food, saw food everywhere, at home with my partner and out on the streets with the numerous cafes and restaurants here with intoxicatingly tempting smells from exotic foods and fruits.

Secondly, the realisation that I could choose how to feel often helped. If I focused on the food, my inability to have it, the hunger, the absence of regular treats that often provide the main preoccupation of my waking day, I would suffer much more with hunger pangs and, perhaps, the temptation to cheat or even give up on the diet altogether. Sometimes I was tempted, but really it makes little sense and, therefore, my strategy for coping was either to focus on the progress with the diet so far and project it forward, imagining how I would feel once I had regained my ideal weight and fitness, able once again to fit into clothes I miss and feel good in the loyal and hardy vehicle for my soul that I had too often taken for granted.

Further challenge came at night when my regular in-take of alcohol were no longer open to me. That, together with the whole palaver of planning food, buying fresh food from the market, preparing and cooking food and finally eating food made the evenings particularly difficult. Distracting the mind helped (e.g. watching TV, playing computer games, researching this book, etc) but I often found the best way was to stop thinking about it and simply focusing on how I felt and what was around me in the moment, aside from the hunger, of course. The reality was that I felt great – no real pain at all and somewhat slimmer and healthier already. The suffering was largely in my head, born of the ego’s addiction to indulgences of food and drink. After three days, even the minor headaches one often gets with detox diets ended, so I tried to let go and be as patient as possible rather than focusing on how many days of abstinence remain.

Then my quest for insights led to other, more tangential ideas: I wondered what lessons came from this short-term act of self denial born of my commitment to a long, healthy and fulfilled life. Well, the realisation that my sacrifices would bring me very desirable results allowed me to feel grateful for the experience and for the friend who had recommended it to me out of the blue. This gratitude itself engenders positive energy which further reinforces the likelihood of success in achieving the desired outcome and helping avoid the negative energy associated with thinking about the suffering and sacrifice. It also made the whole experience itself more pleasant. Understanding this, I was reminded how important it is to be grateful for whatever stage we are at and whatever we have.

Such gratitude is not about being “good”, it simply rewards you instantly by making you feel happier with your current circumstances, whatever they are, and, though the positive energetic impact, speeding up the process of creating what you desire for yourself. In fact, whether to adopt this approach seems a bit of a “no-brainer”, yet I often allow myself to forget this. Therefore, a regular reminder is useful.

I also wondered whether the extreme complete absence of food could in any way cast useful light on the overcoming poverty. The situation was clearly distinct in that, first, I could choose to end it at any time and in any event the diet is for a limited period and I could resume pretty much whatever level of nutritional abundance I happened to choose. This said, the focus on something to be grateful for, no matter how small or remote, still has the twin benefit of increasing happiness in the moment and in empowering us to transcend our current circumstances through a commitment to do so, a willingness to be open to opportunities and positive energy generated by the gratitude.

As I left the park, I passed someone who looked in my direction to I acknowledged him politely and walked on but received no response. It brought o mind how I tend to react to such situations. I was brought up by my mother to be friendly, even with strangers – she would frequently engage with people when out, whether on the street or in shops. I am like that myself to a large extent, when the mood takes me and I always respond if someone acknowledges me first, even if I wasn’t plan on doing so originally.

When someone doesn’t respond I feel disappointed, even a little annoyed. Yet to do that brings negative energy to me and may even make me feel bad. So it occurred to me that we often do things pout of a misplaced desire to “be good” or “be seen to be good” but if we do it genuinely and unconditionally, then it doesn’t matter if they respond. So, if I find myself feeling that disappointment or annoyance, I have two choices: let my own energy down by my reaction or let it go.

I find the latter helps enormously as I am left with self respect and if I struggle with it, I simply remind myself that that person is in a different space from me and I have no idea what is going on in his or her life and what life experiences have allowed him or her to be that way. I apply this to more than me passing acknowledgements of course, especially to people who have done something positively to annoy me like being rude, driving dangerously or whatever. I find that doing this calms me and often even makes me feel quite splendid.

I also feel that we often feel that the “right behaviour” subconsciously reminds us of childhood feelings we felt “good” or in favour with our parents or carers and “bad” or “naughty” if we realise we have been less than “good” in our response or attitude. The thing is, there is no-one to do this for, no parent to please. It is simply better for ourselves and makes us feel better, so why not do it? We are all human and most of us are prone to less than loving kindness” as an attitude and that’s OK – I forgive myself as should we all. However, when we become aware of it, we are far better of, far happier, getting back to that way of looking at things. It is less stressful and can bring inner peace and happiness.