In the silence of the space between internet access periods, I find myself drawn to write once more. I haven’t done it in a while, just going with the flow with no particular point to make or place to go. Here I am sat in a pyramid, a haven of support for me at this critical time in my life and I feel comfortable, at home, as if to leave to resume connection with friends online would uproot me inappropriately so I won’t and will instead forego the delights of conversations with friends for the alternative delights of writing something simple from my heart.
I miss this, taking time aside to write down whatever comes into my mind, to search beneath the surface and see what transpires. With nothing in mind, I came to this and found myself not wanting, as one word followed after the next without plan or foresight. With it will begin an incandescence born of my hearts passionate desire for expression. The fury of missed opportunities for fulfilment has long since waned and in its place a singular determination not to let life pass by a moment longer without expressing myself clearly so that others too may find what I have, the freedom to be myself and the ability to make a difference.
Here again I find myself at odds with life in that I wait patiently until the detail of my new work has erupted in a frenzy so that I may then get on with what I have dreamt of for so long, the chance to reach into people’s hearts and show them who they really are. Give me the strength, the patience and ardour to carry on regardless of delays and unsupported expectations that carry within them the seeds of disaster.
In my heart I know I will not fail but in my mind I sometimes nurture doubts born of life’s past affronts that no longer have meaning but as a distant memory. You see, in my heart I know everything is there already, waiting behind closed curtains to emerge onto the stage of life and burst into euphoric song. Not long now, I sense, no point in looking behind the curtain to check and see everything is alright; better to wait and see what will emerge to surprise and delight the audience that is me and all in sundry. Much as I crave this new work and the new me with it, I am content to wait because the gift of patience knows no bounds and with it nor will I!
Wednesday, 17 August 2011
Saturday, 13 August 2011
“Absolute Nonsense to Love God?”
Krishnamurti famously said: “When you say you love God what does it mean? It means that you love a projection of your own imagination, a projection of yourself clothed in certain forms of respectability according to what you think is noble and holy; so to say, `I love God', is absolute nonsense. When you worship God you are worshipping yourself - and that is not love.”
This was quote in fuller form on a post on Facebook and it struck me as a strange thing to say and confused me at first. But then what is love if we cannot love that which is love and what is true love? I have also seen people debate what love it but to attempt to define it is to attempt to define (i.e. limit) God or the universal consciousness and in my opinion it can never be defined, its expressions being as infinite as the love it seeks to define.
So, I think that this statement is fundamentally flawed because “to love is divine”: it is all the Lord does and is; love is all there is and all that is derives from love; the Lord loves none more than itself, for there is nothing other than itself. How could it possibly be absurd to love God; the absurdity is the notion that it could be otherwise, since it would then mean that all love is absurd: to love anything is to love God in one or more of its infinite forms and so all love would thereby be invalidated according to this statement and so, therefore, would God and all life would not exist in any of its forms and dimensions, whether this illusory world or otherwise.
That to me is the essence of absurdity.
This was quote in fuller form on a post on Facebook and it struck me as a strange thing to say and confused me at first. But then what is love if we cannot love that which is love and what is true love? I have also seen people debate what love it but to attempt to define it is to attempt to define (i.e. limit) God or the universal consciousness and in my opinion it can never be defined, its expressions being as infinite as the love it seeks to define.
So, I think that this statement is fundamentally flawed because “to love is divine”: it is all the Lord does and is; love is all there is and all that is derives from love; the Lord loves none more than itself, for there is nothing other than itself. How could it possibly be absurd to love God; the absurdity is the notion that it could be otherwise, since it would then mean that all love is absurd: to love anything is to love God in one or more of its infinite forms and so all love would thereby be invalidated according to this statement and so, therefore, would God and all life would not exist in any of its forms and dimensions, whether this illusory world or otherwise.
That to me is the essence of absurdity.
Friday, 12 August 2011
Why God Got Out of Bed!
I had a chat with a friend on Facebook yesterday and we talked about the turmoil in the world and the forecasts for the end of the Mayan calendar, the supposed “end of days”.
We talked about this and that and for my friend he seems to take comfort from the fact that this life is ultimately an illusion because in reality the universe is all one thing at every dimensional level, namely energy, our apparent physicality being an illusion according to the speed with which the energy vibrates. This means that we are all part of the universal consciousness, the everything that some call God or Allah, and that it is an illusion that we are separate, an illusion created by the ego.
Therefore, my friend argues, whether we live or die doesn’t matter. He maintains that it is an ego attachment that we care about it at all. So, he is trying to keep the perspective that he will be OK whether he dies or not. This is all good stuff in that we can then be free to live in the moment and not live in fear. I get all that and its great. It is also true that we are just part of the One and in death we go “home”. Great. By why come here at all? What is the point if we don’t “give a damn”?
As my friend said (I hope I recall this correctly) we come to experience and I think he said that God, as I will call the universal consciousness for ease, want to experience itself. OK. I get that too. But from my experience, when we die, we don’t just go back into the common pool that is the universal consciousness free of separation (i.e. we don’t vanish or melt back into God) but somehow continue to be ‘demarked’ - I say “somehow” because the main separation tool in life to allow the maintenance of the illusion is the ego but the ego is part of our incarnation which vanishes on or soon after death. I have no thoughts on what it is that maintains the separation until a spirit is ready to re-join the whole in unseparated form once more. I just experience the separate spirits that persist beyond this incarnation and indeed reincarnate until they have reached the point of no longer needing to do so (though some still do anyway to assist other souls advance).
Let me interject at this point. I “know” or at least think I “know” the things I am writing about and that my friend talks about too, but I was left feeling something was missing in that perspective as in a way it makes a nonsense out of living. If you are going to go out and play football, would you go on the pitch and just stand there? It is perhaps unfortunate that my example uses competition which is not relevant in the game of life, but a game is what life is, a game to be played “to the max”. I agree that if you “lose” or “fail” it doesn’t matter but to come to the game to play and then not play in earnest is not, for me, an attachment, it is what life is about.
No wonder I had an uncomfortable feeling inside. It is not about being attached to the outcome but committed to something, preferably something that lifts your spirit and contributes directly or indirectly to the collective game, the collective benefit. Sure, if we fail and earth is destroyed, the universe will go on as an illusion without us and, in all probability, Mother Earth would pick up her illusory pieces and continue her own game of illusion, but my aim is not one of the ego at all, it is something I have set my heart of for lifetimes at a soul level. I know because it is what sets my heart on fire and fills me with a passion for life. It’s why I get out of bed in the morning and probably why God did too!
We talked about this and that and for my friend he seems to take comfort from the fact that this life is ultimately an illusion because in reality the universe is all one thing at every dimensional level, namely energy, our apparent physicality being an illusion according to the speed with which the energy vibrates. This means that we are all part of the universal consciousness, the everything that some call God or Allah, and that it is an illusion that we are separate, an illusion created by the ego.
Therefore, my friend argues, whether we live or die doesn’t matter. He maintains that it is an ego attachment that we care about it at all. So, he is trying to keep the perspective that he will be OK whether he dies or not. This is all good stuff in that we can then be free to live in the moment and not live in fear. I get all that and its great. It is also true that we are just part of the One and in death we go “home”. Great. By why come here at all? What is the point if we don’t “give a damn”?
As my friend said (I hope I recall this correctly) we come to experience and I think he said that God, as I will call the universal consciousness for ease, want to experience itself. OK. I get that too. But from my experience, when we die, we don’t just go back into the common pool that is the universal consciousness free of separation (i.e. we don’t vanish or melt back into God) but somehow continue to be ‘demarked’ - I say “somehow” because the main separation tool in life to allow the maintenance of the illusion is the ego but the ego is part of our incarnation which vanishes on or soon after death. I have no thoughts on what it is that maintains the separation until a spirit is ready to re-join the whole in unseparated form once more. I just experience the separate spirits that persist beyond this incarnation and indeed reincarnate until they have reached the point of no longer needing to do so (though some still do anyway to assist other souls advance).
Let me interject at this point. I “know” or at least think I “know” the things I am writing about and that my friend talks about too, but I was left feeling something was missing in that perspective as in a way it makes a nonsense out of living. If you are going to go out and play football, would you go on the pitch and just stand there? It is perhaps unfortunate that my example uses competition which is not relevant in the game of life, but a game is what life is, a game to be played “to the max”. I agree that if you “lose” or “fail” it doesn’t matter but to come to the game to play and then not play in earnest is not, for me, an attachment, it is what life is about.
No wonder I had an uncomfortable feeling inside. It is not about being attached to the outcome but committed to something, preferably something that lifts your spirit and contributes directly or indirectly to the collective game, the collective benefit. Sure, if we fail and earth is destroyed, the universe will go on as an illusion without us and, in all probability, Mother Earth would pick up her illusory pieces and continue her own game of illusion, but my aim is not one of the ego at all, it is something I have set my heart of for lifetimes at a soul level. I know because it is what sets my heart on fire and fills me with a passion for life. It’s why I get out of bed in the morning and probably why God did too!
Thursday, 4 August 2011
The Third Eye...Our Very Own Cinema of the Mind
I’ve noticed something in recent weeks: I am getting more and more clear images and also more fantasy images in my so-called “third eye”, the little cinema screen inside you head located between you eyes where you see images that you just think are inside your head until you realise that this third eye is a real gift and very useful indeed.
I’ve always thought of myself as not being very good at the visual and being more of a word-based person; not surprising for someone who a friend described only yesterday as clearly having a writer’s soul! But, actually, I am finding that as I learn to stop and pay attention to some of the things I see when I close my eyes, I am seeing more and more interesting things. This suggests to me that Ia m building the “third eye muscle” over time and that it will become a strong tool for communication within me and externally.
Let me explain. You see, there appear to be two now distinct types of images: those that I have described as fantasy images, not real “photos” of people and things and those that are snapshots of something real, past, present and maybe even future (though I have no real personal experience of the latter myself).
Yesterday, I experienced a snapshot image of a young boy, a black and white photos obviously dating back to the 1940’s or so. This kind of image is not one for interpretation and without other skills I would never have known who the boy was and why I was seeing him. Through psychic connection with my guides I gleaned that he was the latest incarnation of the soul who is my one true soulmate and whom I already knew had chosen to remain in spirit at this key time and incarnation in order to assist me better from “above”. Indeed, I was then introduced to him and what followed was a most extraordinary introduction to this soul who is the mirror of me and whose love for me is second to none other than the universal consciousness itself.
His name as I knew him in our last joint incarnation many thousands of years ago in Kashmir, India, was Castria and I saw a picture of his face in that life, a young, handsome man with a slim light-skinned face and medium length dark burly locks and an intriguing smile, a man who, I am told, was my lover in yet another gay life of mine (that makes 3 I am aware of including this one!). He simply told me that he had come to announce his fulfilment of his promise to me to be by my side always, now that my “real work” in this life is about to begin.
So, there is what is for me a beautiful example of why real images can sometimes appear. But what then of fantasy images and how do I distinguish between them?
I will answer the second question first. The non-fantasy type of image, whether still or moving, has a certain vividness to it and leaves me with a knowing that it is a real image and not a creation of my subconscious imagination. I cannot put it any other way. The fantasy ones are often clearly so and are less vivid. These are a communication from the subconscious for whatever reason. Observed and interpreted appropriately, they give you a message about what is going on or something that needs attention in your life. They may also be a message for communication to someone else - I sometimes see representational images when a friend is seeking support in some way.
I recently a dream in fact (while sleeping) that told me I was making progress in accepting my new role in life as a teacher instead of a lawyer. But how did this show up - as words printed on a page in my head? No! The subconscious works in images, not words. The dream was strange. My current partner existed in the background of awareness and I was out at a gathering at a sort of multi-designer studios and there was a party in fact and my clothes were swapped from my fuddy duddy one for a really nice modern one that really suited me (see the imagery in that!) and I wanted to keep it and by the end of the dream (into which I kept dipping after moments of wakefulness) I was in my coat but with the new shirt underneath and I felt I had to own up to it and pay for it so I asked whose it was and could I buy it. It ended there as I awoke. In between I went to the loo and a man could see through the toilet that just had railings, not private at all and he came in thought he space was so tight even before he did that I couldn't move well and he stood behind me and took my penis and helped me pee and that was it (I think I awoke again then!) and later in the party my ex partner (who was not just like him but was a perfect image of his about 10 years ago) arrived but we were not together (as I said, my current partner existed in my awareness but was not there) and indeed I even referred to him as my ex and I showed off my new clothes, though he wasn't too impressed it seemed to me.
What is strange too is that I feel emotional and I couldn't put my finger on what the feeling was. It was making me feel tearful but it didn't feel like fear of the future actually and then it hit me, it is a grieving for the passing of a dear and longstanding friend, the old me, like I am sad to see him go. I suppose that is a sort of hanging on - my ex being there was a representation of the past yet I was not wanting to be with him at all and in fact I didn't much like him. I found him uninterested in anyone but himself. I think the coat over the new shirt was about the holding on, hiding my new self perhaps.
So, what I saw in this is progress, a recognition that I am a new person but not a full acceptance of it still. I later realised what the toilet incident meant: the toilet itself was tiny in two small chambers and had bars like bamboo in light grey around it so anyone could see in and though I noticed it but it didn't really bother me. That's when the chap appeared (after the event he looked completely different - neither one attractive at all!). It wasn't about sex in the dream and less so in its message. In simple terms, it represented my power and creativity (the penis!) and that I was comfortable for people now to see it though still a little reserved (the bars and the noticing of the visibility) and the man handling me (there was no sex) was my being comfortable with my power and its ability to call to & reach people.
That was a dream although it works the same way as with waking fantasy images and likewise comes from the deep subconscious processing things. Today I had an example of a waking “story”. In it, I saw an old man in a dark cloak and hood that looked a bit like a monk. He sat and looked forward, slightly hunched, sitting in moonlight on a snowy winter’s night. Afterwards he got up and was suddenly driving through the snow with some horses pulling a sledge or cart (I couldn’t quite make out which). Then the horses got stopped by the snow and became engulfed in it. Then a fresh image came: the horses somehow now free, the man, now looking remarkably like Santa Claus, was happily driving the horses forward at speed (speed that had the horses hairs swept back and snow cleared in their path until they took off into the air and by this time it was Santa Claus happily about to deliver his gifts to the children of the world. I then saw the deep, deep snow and a way ahead already cut in it for the man to pass through without hindrance.
This was very clear for a fantasy yes also vague and suddenly shifting like in a dream. So, what do I interpret this to mean? Well, the man in the monk’s outfit is me. I always say that I am about to live a non-religious ministry! I see that in a sometimes cold and dark world, if I allow myself to get caught up in the things that surround me, I will eventually be stopped and swallowed up by the cold and dark and so be unable to deliver on my gifts to mankind. So, instead, I must go speedily through the cold and dark, paying no attention to either aspect of my surroundings and instead keeping my eye on the road ahead (the vision for the future) and if I do this I will find that a way will always be made for me to pass safely through and deliver the gifts to the children, the gifts of my words to the lives of many unhappy souls eagerly awaiting their Santa Claus.
You may see my images differently but that is how I see them and indeed it makes sense to me at this crossroads in my life as I venture out to share with people what I have learned that has set me free in the hope it will help others. What is wonderful is that we can receive feedback from within, and feel truly connected with our whole selves. This muscle is becoming quite powerful and in identifying it, its power and effectiveness will grow even faster.
I’ve always thought of myself as not being very good at the visual and being more of a word-based person; not surprising for someone who a friend described only yesterday as clearly having a writer’s soul! But, actually, I am finding that as I learn to stop and pay attention to some of the things I see when I close my eyes, I am seeing more and more interesting things. This suggests to me that Ia m building the “third eye muscle” over time and that it will become a strong tool for communication within me and externally.
Let me explain. You see, there appear to be two now distinct types of images: those that I have described as fantasy images, not real “photos” of people and things and those that are snapshots of something real, past, present and maybe even future (though I have no real personal experience of the latter myself).
Yesterday, I experienced a snapshot image of a young boy, a black and white photos obviously dating back to the 1940’s or so. This kind of image is not one for interpretation and without other skills I would never have known who the boy was and why I was seeing him. Through psychic connection with my guides I gleaned that he was the latest incarnation of the soul who is my one true soulmate and whom I already knew had chosen to remain in spirit at this key time and incarnation in order to assist me better from “above”. Indeed, I was then introduced to him and what followed was a most extraordinary introduction to this soul who is the mirror of me and whose love for me is second to none other than the universal consciousness itself.
His name as I knew him in our last joint incarnation many thousands of years ago in Kashmir, India, was Castria and I saw a picture of his face in that life, a young, handsome man with a slim light-skinned face and medium length dark burly locks and an intriguing smile, a man who, I am told, was my lover in yet another gay life of mine (that makes 3 I am aware of including this one!). He simply told me that he had come to announce his fulfilment of his promise to me to be by my side always, now that my “real work” in this life is about to begin.
So, there is what is for me a beautiful example of why real images can sometimes appear. But what then of fantasy images and how do I distinguish between them?
I will answer the second question first. The non-fantasy type of image, whether still or moving, has a certain vividness to it and leaves me with a knowing that it is a real image and not a creation of my subconscious imagination. I cannot put it any other way. The fantasy ones are often clearly so and are less vivid. These are a communication from the subconscious for whatever reason. Observed and interpreted appropriately, they give you a message about what is going on or something that needs attention in your life. They may also be a message for communication to someone else - I sometimes see representational images when a friend is seeking support in some way.
I recently a dream in fact (while sleeping) that told me I was making progress in accepting my new role in life as a teacher instead of a lawyer. But how did this show up - as words printed on a page in my head? No! The subconscious works in images, not words. The dream was strange. My current partner existed in the background of awareness and I was out at a gathering at a sort of multi-designer studios and there was a party in fact and my clothes were swapped from my fuddy duddy one for a really nice modern one that really suited me (see the imagery in that!) and I wanted to keep it and by the end of the dream (into which I kept dipping after moments of wakefulness) I was in my coat but with the new shirt underneath and I felt I had to own up to it and pay for it so I asked whose it was and could I buy it. It ended there as I awoke. In between I went to the loo and a man could see through the toilet that just had railings, not private at all and he came in thought he space was so tight even before he did that I couldn't move well and he stood behind me and took my penis and helped me pee and that was it (I think I awoke again then!) and later in the party my ex partner (who was not just like him but was a perfect image of his about 10 years ago) arrived but we were not together (as I said, my current partner existed in my awareness but was not there) and indeed I even referred to him as my ex and I showed off my new clothes, though he wasn't too impressed it seemed to me.
What is strange too is that I feel emotional and I couldn't put my finger on what the feeling was. It was making me feel tearful but it didn't feel like fear of the future actually and then it hit me, it is a grieving for the passing of a dear and longstanding friend, the old me, like I am sad to see him go. I suppose that is a sort of hanging on - my ex being there was a representation of the past yet I was not wanting to be with him at all and in fact I didn't much like him. I found him uninterested in anyone but himself. I think the coat over the new shirt was about the holding on, hiding my new self perhaps.
So, what I saw in this is progress, a recognition that I am a new person but not a full acceptance of it still. I later realised what the toilet incident meant: the toilet itself was tiny in two small chambers and had bars like bamboo in light grey around it so anyone could see in and though I noticed it but it didn't really bother me. That's when the chap appeared (after the event he looked completely different - neither one attractive at all!). It wasn't about sex in the dream and less so in its message. In simple terms, it represented my power and creativity (the penis!) and that I was comfortable for people now to see it though still a little reserved (the bars and the noticing of the visibility) and the man handling me (there was no sex) was my being comfortable with my power and its ability to call to & reach people.
That was a dream although it works the same way as with waking fantasy images and likewise comes from the deep subconscious processing things. Today I had an example of a waking “story”. In it, I saw an old man in a dark cloak and hood that looked a bit like a monk. He sat and looked forward, slightly hunched, sitting in moonlight on a snowy winter’s night. Afterwards he got up and was suddenly driving through the snow with some horses pulling a sledge or cart (I couldn’t quite make out which). Then the horses got stopped by the snow and became engulfed in it. Then a fresh image came: the horses somehow now free, the man, now looking remarkably like Santa Claus, was happily driving the horses forward at speed (speed that had the horses hairs swept back and snow cleared in their path until they took off into the air and by this time it was Santa Claus happily about to deliver his gifts to the children of the world. I then saw the deep, deep snow and a way ahead already cut in it for the man to pass through without hindrance.
This was very clear for a fantasy yes also vague and suddenly shifting like in a dream. So, what do I interpret this to mean? Well, the man in the monk’s outfit is me. I always say that I am about to live a non-religious ministry! I see that in a sometimes cold and dark world, if I allow myself to get caught up in the things that surround me, I will eventually be stopped and swallowed up by the cold and dark and so be unable to deliver on my gifts to mankind. So, instead, I must go speedily through the cold and dark, paying no attention to either aspect of my surroundings and instead keeping my eye on the road ahead (the vision for the future) and if I do this I will find that a way will always be made for me to pass safely through and deliver the gifts to the children, the gifts of my words to the lives of many unhappy souls eagerly awaiting their Santa Claus.
You may see my images differently but that is how I see them and indeed it makes sense to me at this crossroads in my life as I venture out to share with people what I have learned that has set me free in the hope it will help others. What is wonderful is that we can receive feedback from within, and feel truly connected with our whole selves. This muscle is becoming quite powerful and in identifying it, its power and effectiveness will grow even faster.
Monday, 1 August 2011
The Power of Commitment
In the past 48 hours I had been exchanging emails with a friend who was very down about her progress in life lately and even I feel victim to my own doubts and fears a bit in the last 24 hours. As I shared with her about the importance of being committed to yourself and to fulfilling your life purpose, things really shifted with my friend who wrote back sharing about the insights gained as a result and also talking about her work as being her truth. I explain this so you can make sense of my reply:
Dear [Anon]
For me the power of commitment is huge. When making one, we are saying we will do it, not that, as I said yesterday, we will “try” and it pulls us through our doubts and fears. How I see your "little wobbly" & mine is that we forgot our commitment for a moment and so the 1st thing I do is forgive myself and I invite you to do the same. Then we just dust ourselves off and get on with it! Same rules: just keep on doing what feels right till the moment we die. It really is that simple and when we get upset it is because we have allowed ourselves to get caught up in the drama of the illusion for a while. I can see it now for myself and I plod on patiently again. I really see it like running a marathon.
I would say that for me truth is very very high level - love - the rest is not truth but what you stand for and choose. So, for me, my truth is that I am pure love and am here to spread love and light to as many people as I can possibly reach. I set myself aspirations for that (many millions of people to reach) but that is detail and in some ways unimportant. In fact, I am love, compassion and integrity, a teacher and a writer. These are all subsets of the main thing. So some way down the list is the work I will do on the retreats in furtherance of the higher level stuff. I see it similarly for you - your work is the means of delivery of something that you wish to bring about and so it is not your truth but an important vehicle for the fulfilment of your purpose in this life.
Do you see what I mean? This is something I have been aware of for some time - it really helps to give clarity whilst not getting attached to detail - the retreats are a detail. No need for attachment. Sure, they will be powerful and an expression of the highest me, but that is all they are. They are not me. Indeed, I will do retreats for as long as it feels right but I know I also have much more I intend doing with my life, some of it I have a vague idea about and others I am still clueless about since in the current paradigm they are beyond my comprehension.
Why I am telling you this is not to "correct" you as such but to help you stand back from things and see yourself - when I do this, I see us as high spirits looking down at ourselves (I guess I am saying that what I am expressing here is a perspective from our higher selves, beyond our silly dramas from this life). I actually find it most uplifting to express it in this way, almost as if I have taken myself in hand like a naughty child and have set him straight and he is now happily sat at his toy (my Macbook) playing and sharing with his close friend! It brings a tear to my eye as I say it. LOL! I really see me as the little boy here and you are my little friend and we are in a playpen together as we both got upset with our toys!!! ROFL! It really is a very vivid picture for me right now!
In fact, looking at you again, seeing yourself from "up here" allows you to see the toys for what they are and not to take them too seriously. It is not to belittle my retreats or your own work but they are vehicles and nothing more. Our choice of partners are fellow travellers for however long both parties wish - again, nothing more. When we do our work we will be very happy as any child would be with the toy of their dreams but all toys become boring after a while and we will move on when the time is right. Retreats are not my life’s work as I have been saying. They are the highest expression of my life so far and of my higher self too but later there will be more if I remain "up for it" and how far we go is up to us individually. I know my higher self has set a path that stretches way beyond my imaginings at this time but that is OK. Its fun watching it unravel.
I feel so happy now, at peace with myself and no longer frustrated or fearful.
I hope this helps.
Love
Maitland
Dear [Anon]
For me the power of commitment is huge. When making one, we are saying we will do it, not that, as I said yesterday, we will “try” and it pulls us through our doubts and fears. How I see your "little wobbly" & mine is that we forgot our commitment for a moment and so the 1st thing I do is forgive myself and I invite you to do the same. Then we just dust ourselves off and get on with it! Same rules: just keep on doing what feels right till the moment we die. It really is that simple and when we get upset it is because we have allowed ourselves to get caught up in the drama of the illusion for a while. I can see it now for myself and I plod on patiently again. I really see it like running a marathon.
I would say that for me truth is very very high level - love - the rest is not truth but what you stand for and choose. So, for me, my truth is that I am pure love and am here to spread love and light to as many people as I can possibly reach. I set myself aspirations for that (many millions of people to reach) but that is detail and in some ways unimportant. In fact, I am love, compassion and integrity, a teacher and a writer. These are all subsets of the main thing. So some way down the list is the work I will do on the retreats in furtherance of the higher level stuff. I see it similarly for you - your work is the means of delivery of something that you wish to bring about and so it is not your truth but an important vehicle for the fulfilment of your purpose in this life.
Do you see what I mean? This is something I have been aware of for some time - it really helps to give clarity whilst not getting attached to detail - the retreats are a detail. No need for attachment. Sure, they will be powerful and an expression of the highest me, but that is all they are. They are not me. Indeed, I will do retreats for as long as it feels right but I know I also have much more I intend doing with my life, some of it I have a vague idea about and others I am still clueless about since in the current paradigm they are beyond my comprehension.
Why I am telling you this is not to "correct" you as such but to help you stand back from things and see yourself - when I do this, I see us as high spirits looking down at ourselves (I guess I am saying that what I am expressing here is a perspective from our higher selves, beyond our silly dramas from this life). I actually find it most uplifting to express it in this way, almost as if I have taken myself in hand like a naughty child and have set him straight and he is now happily sat at his toy (my Macbook) playing and sharing with his close friend! It brings a tear to my eye as I say it. LOL! I really see me as the little boy here and you are my little friend and we are in a playpen together as we both got upset with our toys!!! ROFL! It really is a very vivid picture for me right now!
In fact, looking at you again, seeing yourself from "up here" allows you to see the toys for what they are and not to take them too seriously. It is not to belittle my retreats or your own work but they are vehicles and nothing more. Our choice of partners are fellow travellers for however long both parties wish - again, nothing more. When we do our work we will be very happy as any child would be with the toy of their dreams but all toys become boring after a while and we will move on when the time is right. Retreats are not my life’s work as I have been saying. They are the highest expression of my life so far and of my higher self too but later there will be more if I remain "up for it" and how far we go is up to us individually. I know my higher self has set a path that stretches way beyond my imaginings at this time but that is OK. Its fun watching it unravel.
I feel so happy now, at peace with myself and no longer frustrated or fearful.
I hope this helps.
Love
Maitland
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