Short Steps Ever Forward

(This piece of flow writing sums up an important understanding for me, namely the importance of accepting things, being patient and trusting the universe in the process of personal and spiritual growth. This year has, on the face of it at least, been incredibly slow and challenging with months on end with no income-producing legal consulting or other work and days on end when I just got up, exercised, showered, went to the coffee shop for a couple of hours or walked in nature, planning food for dinner, later going shopping for the food at the market and finally preparing and eating the food, the shower and bed, with TV liberally splattered in between! It may sound good but to someone used to achieving things (even addicted to it), this was a form of living hell for me!

Yet with hindsight it has been perfect, a whole series of priceless, powerful lessons have been learnt in that period, lessons some of which appear in blog entries and some of which will eventually appear in my book (Effective Use of the "C" Word ... the Power of Commitment). Indeed, it culminated in a flash of guidance and inspiration that led to this blog and will soon expand into much more. It just shows what is possible when patience and faith are combined (well, most of the time!))

Short Steps Ever Forward

One step. … a long pause … another small step. Slow, slow, slow, calm, at ease, with poise and patience I move inexorably forward. Between steps, in a long pause, I can forgive myself for thinking I am not progressing, for forgetting that the pauses are as much a part of the progress because they too are a step forward in allowing things to sink in and take root, either to allow time for changes to be accepted or mastered or to set the scene for the next stage of the journey.

So, in reality, slow or quick, the change is constant and inside a commitment to do so for the best, any step, even one seemingly in retrograde, is really a step forward.

Bliss in Adversity

I feel glorious today: still “financially constrained” and facing my concerns for my dear brother which is about to go in for emergency surgery to remove an aggressive cancerous growth in his mouth, I do what I feel is right in furtherance of that concern, things prompted by an intuitive knowing of the root cause of his illness, then I let go and consciously connect with the universal consciousness, “God”, leaving It to deal with the rest within the generous confines of free will.

Then, making our way to visit my partner’s second cousin, a short journey away into the country, I continue to process thoughts and repeatedly reconnect with the universe and I feel truly blissful, so calm, trusting … yes, just happy! You might think it strange, even wrong, in the circumstances, but happiness and inner peace are “now things”, something available in the face of most things, this state of being is so incredibly powerful and beautiful.

As we wound our way here to our favourite coffee house in the mountains on the back of our motorbike, round bends and up steep inclines, immersed in a myriad vivid greens beneath ominous grey clouds, I revelled in nature and a welcome return to this environment that only serves to boost my good humour and sense of well-being.

Earlier, as I consciously connected with God, I spontaneously spewed out the words “I love you”. It took me by surprise as the words came unplanned, without prior intent, yet on careful retrospection they were indeed heartfelt. What is happening to me? I seem to be becoming happier, more trusting and joyful than ever, all this in the face of some major challenges. Strange that at other times I should feel I am making little progress on my journey of self discovery! This is no mean feat, the balance of mind, body and spirit undoubtedly being the root cause of my own good state of health.

Phew!

Another day in what I can only describe as a sometimes excruciatingly painful period of learning and being tested and today I feel like a student who has just finished an important set of exams, confident in his success. The lesson is a simple one in essence: to trust in the universe in the face of everything, no matter who would otherwise pull you down into the fake drama of everyday life.

I feel so calm, so contented. Any flashes of doubt of fear are swiftly put aside, my attention instead turning to “God within”. My own restfulness or inner peace sometimes contrasts starkly with the mood of my beloved, besieged by fear and anger at our current financial challenges, his occasional good humour swept aside by a wave of pessimism and annoyance in a dark grey cloud that seems to be perpetually hanging over him at the moment. I can only offer help when it is asked for and hope that the light of my good humour will help him in the end.

Reflections on Peace in the Face of Adversity

I am sat in the shade on a warm, humid afternoon, at peace despite a night of fear-invoking dreams and thoughts and fearful mood swings by “my other half” who struggles to cope with his own fears following his recent redundancy. That his fears superficially mirror mine at a time of financial drought is but a further test of my ability to transcend fear and seek refuge in internal harmony and faith in the Universe.

He, however, denies his fears and thereby feeds them, also preventing him from transcending them, reduced to a more than usually moody person, swinging from loving concern for me (probably better aimed at himself!) and dark moods with fear, bad temper and long silences prevailing.

I offer what I can and try to show him what I see, but he is not open to discussion or to acknowledging his fears, so I sooner leave him in peace to deal with it in the best way he can, thereby also protecting myself from being drawn into his negative, fatalistic view of life, no doubt fuelled by a society with strict structures that inhibit true freedom of expression and fulfilment of human potential.

Our journeys may be together yet they differ, there to provide mutual love and comfort as we venture forth, to complement and balance each other at times yet at others to serve to test each other unwittingly but surely, expanding each other’s self awareness and advancement.

This perspective on our relationship helps free me of burdensome expectations, allowing silence and space to soften the edges of the less beautiful interactions between us, acknowledging an overall beauty, however, in the love and freedom we offer each other that of itself unties our hands and allows love to flow more freely, even in the face of sometimes extreme adversity.

“Let Me Take Over”

It was my birthday and over dinner the words “Let me take over” popped up from nowhere in my mind as I contemplated my slightly depressed state and the simple sense and power of the words, which I realise came from the universal consciousness or “God”, slowly sank in, so that by the next day that is precisely what I do. How? By refusing to take part in gainsaying, forecasting and analysing things in a vain attempt to control my world. “Surrender” is another way of putting it and, indeed, I have none of the normal reaction to such a concept (in this context only!) since I trust it will be for my ultimate good, no matter what the outcome may be. I say “I” but I mean that part of me excluding (at least at times) my ego, since it is a simple beast and knows only fear and pleasure and the idea that it cannot control in order to prevent harm or bring pleasure is abhorrent to it, especially after being used to getting its own way for five decades.

It is for this reason that my first port of call after the invitation to surrender to the One is at the door of my ego, having stern words for it but also loving words of reminder of my unerring commitment to live fully and without unnecessary restraint and of my acknowledgement of its important role in my life. Its subsequent relaxation seems to have allowed balance of mind, body and spirit to be restored and today I live simply, following my instincts in doing what feels right in the moment and not rallying or challenging in a forlorn attempt to seek security where no material security exists and metaphysical security, ironically, only exists in surrender, the only source of true happiness and peace of mind.