“Regret” is a word that is alien to my heart. I have none. I have had things I wished I had (like children) but I don’t regret - to regret is to deny oneself the ability to change oneself and one’s life. Regret is enforced suffering brought on by inaction and lack of self belief. So regret is not for me.
Instead, I would sooner turn each loss into a fresh opportunity for growth and understanding. In this way, I can reinvent myself and my past for a brighter future. So, for example, I can see my childless state as something that has liberated me to explore other avenues, free from responsibility to those precious lives and also I can revel in the love and warmth of others as they enjoy their children and see the wonder that each child represents for the world, the hope for our future.
I could moan and complain and dig up the “issue” afresh all the time and saddle myself with sadness that would close my heart to other things, but I don’t. I prefer to enjoy my solitude in nature, connecting instead with the youthful life force in so many things, to embrace the cycle of birth and death in all its forms.
I could choose to father a child to fill the missing presence, but for me at my age I want other things and above all to express myself to the world, so no need for regret because I could make it otherwise yet I choose what I have.
In fact, as I write, I struggle to think of anything I truly regret. I have made mistakes and learnt from them; I have wronged people and made good the wrong; I have been wronged by others and forgiven them with genuine compassion; so there is nothing I can regret. Regret is such a wasteful state of being.
Tuesday, 28 June 2011
Monday, 27 June 2011
What does it mean to be homosexual?
A friend on Facebook recently posted the following question and I want to share my reply.
Q: What does it mean to be homosexual? It’s a broad question, but I’m looking for broad answers. It’s a serious question I have been asking myself after reappraising my relationship with God and Jesus and The Bible.
A: I assert that it means nothing. To be homosexual is simply a state in which you find yourself for just one aspect of your being. You are first and foremost a human being with all the wonderful attributes that suggests. Furthermore, you are ...a unique human being so there is no person like you who has ever existed or will ever exist again. Even within the limited area of being a "homosexual man", there is no other like you. No need to sweat it or be anything other than true to yourself.
A better question therefore would be, "How would I conduct myself in life in all areas of my life if I were being true to myself" and then in so doing you find that special person who you are in its purest form and in that God will be delighted as you expand him through the expansion of yourself.
For me, being gay is an important aspect of my being but just one aspect of many: I am so much more than "a homosexual" (as if my whole life revolves around sexual gratification with a man!). I am a healer, a writer, a lover, a caring human being, a teacher, a pupil, a nature lover, a linguist, a recovering lawyers (as I like to joke). In fact, so many things.
In a nutshell, be yourself, be true to yourself, in all areas of your life and though life will throw challenges at you, you will be happy and fulfilled...if you choose it. This is true of everyone, "homosexual" or otherwise. The perceived division of gay and straight, of us and them is false, an ugly illusion. We all have a unique gift and such concerns about being "homosexual" only serve to confuse or hide our true nature.
For what it's worth, I won't believe that a loving God or his special envoy, Jesus, have any concern over our sexuality, only whether we lead a life of being true to our heart (here not meaning the romantic sense of the word but our very essence) and thereby good to others.
I hope this helps.
Q: What does it mean to be homosexual? It’s a broad question, but I’m looking for broad answers. It’s a serious question I have been asking myself after reappraising my relationship with God and Jesus and The Bible.
A: I assert that it means nothing. To be homosexual is simply a state in which you find yourself for just one aspect of your being. You are first and foremost a human being with all the wonderful attributes that suggests. Furthermore, you are ...a unique human being so there is no person like you who has ever existed or will ever exist again. Even within the limited area of being a "homosexual man", there is no other like you. No need to sweat it or be anything other than true to yourself.
A better question therefore would be, "How would I conduct myself in life in all areas of my life if I were being true to myself" and then in so doing you find that special person who you are in its purest form and in that God will be delighted as you expand him through the expansion of yourself.
For me, being gay is an important aspect of my being but just one aspect of many: I am so much more than "a homosexual" (as if my whole life revolves around sexual gratification with a man!). I am a healer, a writer, a lover, a caring human being, a teacher, a pupil, a nature lover, a linguist, a recovering lawyers (as I like to joke). In fact, so many things.
In a nutshell, be yourself, be true to yourself, in all areas of your life and though life will throw challenges at you, you will be happy and fulfilled...if you choose it. This is true of everyone, "homosexual" or otherwise. The perceived division of gay and straight, of us and them is false, an ugly illusion. We all have a unique gift and such concerns about being "homosexual" only serve to confuse or hide our true nature.
For what it's worth, I won't believe that a loving God or his special envoy, Jesus, have any concern over our sexuality, only whether we lead a life of being true to our heart (here not meaning the romantic sense of the word but our very essence) and thereby good to others.
I hope this helps.
At Home on the Sea of Whatever
I really want to write something amazing, something to touch the heart of millions, yet I don’t know what to write about.
The problem is that I am trying too hard when I set myself such lofty goals. The goals remain but need not cloud my reality by posing an insurmountable obstacle through fear of not being good enough. Better instead to take one step at a time and do what feels right in each moment.
If I feel like writing, as I do now, that is a prompt; no need to sweat the topic and its outcomes, just put pen to paper, or in this instance, fingers to keyboard, aware of the desire to produce something illuminating, trusting that whatever comes will be alright, worthy of reading.
So, here I am, fingers poised and here it comes, that flow, that wave of inspiration that passes over one and is gone in an instant unless seized and enjoyed for what it is, a vacuum, an opportunity to express one’s heart, one’s inner self. But if I force it, it vanishes in an instant, lost in an ocean of thoughts and ideas that pass me by. The wave having past its crest, I settle into the gentle waters of post-wave quiet and just let it be and, as I tread water, waiting for a wave to ride once more, I am at peace, accepting the waves and their absence for the gift they both are.
Then here it comes once more, my fingers poised again, I mount the surf and ride it for all its worth...yet so soon am I back to shore, my heart beating with life and joy and, hey presto, I have given of myself and, now spent, I feel the ecstasy of the moment of realisation that it was the whole of the ride, the peaks and troughs, that have given me what I thought eluded me, something that expresses myself for others to read. It need have no purpose, no goal, no lofty ambition, just the joy of the moment, the expression of the human experience being itself enough, no need for it to be worthy or profound or something more.
The problem is that I am trying too hard when I set myself such lofty goals. The goals remain but need not cloud my reality by posing an insurmountable obstacle through fear of not being good enough. Better instead to take one step at a time and do what feels right in each moment.
If I feel like writing, as I do now, that is a prompt; no need to sweat the topic and its outcomes, just put pen to paper, or in this instance, fingers to keyboard, aware of the desire to produce something illuminating, trusting that whatever comes will be alright, worthy of reading.
So, here I am, fingers poised and here it comes, that flow, that wave of inspiration that passes over one and is gone in an instant unless seized and enjoyed for what it is, a vacuum, an opportunity to express one’s heart, one’s inner self. But if I force it, it vanishes in an instant, lost in an ocean of thoughts and ideas that pass me by. The wave having past its crest, I settle into the gentle waters of post-wave quiet and just let it be and, as I tread water, waiting for a wave to ride once more, I am at peace, accepting the waves and their absence for the gift they both are.
Then here it comes once more, my fingers poised again, I mount the surf and ride it for all its worth...yet so soon am I back to shore, my heart beating with life and joy and, hey presto, I have given of myself and, now spent, I feel the ecstasy of the moment of realisation that it was the whole of the ride, the peaks and troughs, that have given me what I thought eluded me, something that expresses myself for others to read. It need have no purpose, no goal, no lofty ambition, just the joy of the moment, the expression of the human experience being itself enough, no need for it to be worthy or profound or something more.
Friday, 24 June 2011
The Ecstasy of the True Beauty of my Mortal Form
I did a beautiful thing last night as I lay waiting to fall asleep: I touched first my shoulder then down my arm and over my hand. I felt their softness, their undulations and the tiny imperfections as I passed over the surface of this vehicle for life, this gift from Mother Earth that houses our soul on this mortal leg of our journey. I felt the pleasure of my hand’s awareness of my whole body, the over-ample and somewhat loose chest and belly, the contours of my face and large nose, the long slope of the lightly furrowed brow, the warmth of my hand on my face and the ecstasy of gratitude for all the excesses my body has endured along the way, the years of heavy smoking, the stress, the drinking, all to cope with what life threw at me.
Then shortly before I fell asleep I felt a deep contentment, a profound love for my body and self and when I awoke and recalled this experience I was again uplifted, so much so that as I went back to my room and saw my partner sat exercising his own body on the bed to perfect its form, I just felt love and kissed him on the lips.
Then shortly before I fell asleep I felt a deep contentment, a profound love for my body and self and when I awoke and recalled this experience I was again uplifted, so much so that as I went back to my room and saw my partner sat exercising his own body on the bed to perfect its form, I just felt love and kissed him on the lips.
Sunday, 12 June 2011
What is the truth about gay relationships being inherently less likely to last?
It is often said that gay relationships don’t or can’t last, that male behaviour is such that the chances of them doing so are slim. So, what is the truth of the matter?
I have chosen for this “assignment” of answering the question to go into a mode of reply that calls upon me to suspend my own beliefs and opinions and follow what my heart says (automatic writing). In doing so, the result is this piece you see before you here.
The truth of the matter is easy: there is no inherent issue with gay people having relationships that last. It is a matter of choice. However, many choose alternate lifestyles that are no less valid and involve multiple partnerships over a lifetime or even no partnerships at all.
Why should a gay relationship be inherently any less likely to succeed than a “normal” (heterosexual) one? There is no valid reason, just ones thrown out by those who are cynical or disruptive in their beliefs, singling out gay relationships as different or somehow “wrong” in nature. The fact is that when two humans fall in love they may endure if the relationship itself endures and is desired to endure. What I mean by that is that relationships are often not required for a lifetime and therefore there is no valid reason to continue it other than attachment to a concept. This is true for all humans [see “Till Death Us Do Part”]. However, where they do feel a desire for it to continue, then it may do so, subject to appropriate measures to allow people to grow together and handle personal and life changes constructively.
It is arrogance to think that one is singled out for better performance in life relationships merely by dint of being “straight”. Indeed, it is foolish given the current state of the institution of marriage in most societies around the world!
So, to sum up, there is no reason why one relationship should inherently last longer than another. It is down to the commitment people choose to make and the extent to which they are suited in the first place. That is all.
I have chosen for this “assignment” of answering the question to go into a mode of reply that calls upon me to suspend my own beliefs and opinions and follow what my heart says (automatic writing). In doing so, the result is this piece you see before you here.
The truth of the matter is easy: there is no inherent issue with gay people having relationships that last. It is a matter of choice. However, many choose alternate lifestyles that are no less valid and involve multiple partnerships over a lifetime or even no partnerships at all.
Why should a gay relationship be inherently any less likely to succeed than a “normal” (heterosexual) one? There is no valid reason, just ones thrown out by those who are cynical or disruptive in their beliefs, singling out gay relationships as different or somehow “wrong” in nature. The fact is that when two humans fall in love they may endure if the relationship itself endures and is desired to endure. What I mean by that is that relationships are often not required for a lifetime and therefore there is no valid reason to continue it other than attachment to a concept. This is true for all humans [see “Till Death Us Do Part”]. However, where they do feel a desire for it to continue, then it may do so, subject to appropriate measures to allow people to grow together and handle personal and life changes constructively.
It is arrogance to think that one is singled out for better performance in life relationships merely by dint of being “straight”. Indeed, it is foolish given the current state of the institution of marriage in most societies around the world!
So, to sum up, there is no reason why one relationship should inherently last longer than another. It is down to the commitment people choose to make and the extent to which they are suited in the first place. That is all.
Thursday, 2 June 2011
Till Death Us Do Part?
I was asked a question about life-long relationships today: “do you think that beings in 5th/6th dimensional worlds mate for life?” I am perplexed by the way humans can so easily betray their mates and I’ve never understood the notion that one can “fall out of love”. How is that even possible? I still love every ex of mine and the idea that someone would leave their wife when she has young children with no way of supporting herself is abusive to my mind. These things do not register for me. I wonder if it’s because this is how people live in the higher realms? How do you feel about this topic?
My reply reads:
I have opinions and thoughts but they are not much help so I am going to write whatever words come to me from my heart on this and shut out the prejudice of whatever I think in my head. So here goes:
"The answer to this question lies in the difference between true love and romantic love. First one must understand that there is a discrepancy between what people think is love and the reality of it. Love is unconditional and that remains true everywhere, on planet earth and beyond into the stars. Therefore, nothing else prevails anywhere in reality.
That said, there is a vast difference between cultures across the stars but at their core is the same love.
Now let's look at the issue a little closer: we have to take on board that in the current perceived reality on earth there are millions of beings brainwashed by society into believing that love is somehow the expression of sexual attraction. It is not. Love has nothing to do with attraction which is itself derived from perceived need for growth. When we encounter a being whom we are drawn to, we see something they have to offer us and it is this that sets the tone for the relationship as long as it persists. Once the perceived benefit is ended, so is the relationship, though many hang on in the hope that it can somehow be revived. This is, however, forlorn, since to revive the dead is not possible.
So, when we consider this question in full in its proper context, one will see that there is a vast difference between sexual attraction and love. Love is the natural state amongst all beings in an enlightened society of 5th dimensional level. It is experienced independently of sexual attraction and for all beings. Therefore, the notion of enduring relationships is false. They may endure for a purpose or role to be complete but there is no need for attachment to that relationship once the role is over. The love continues naturally as it is there for all beings. There is no disharmony involved, just the recognition that it is complete in order to allow the parties involved to move on. This appraisal may seem cold in the context of current societal beliefs but in reality it is the utmost expression of a loving society designed to perpetuate itself and grow.
For example, there is a society of exceptional standards of love and being where the people are advanced beings at a whole level beyond humanity on earth. In this society, people are all 5th dimensional beings and very alert to the realities of love and notions of attraction. They know that love stems from their very being naturally and without effort and that attraction is simply the way we are drawn to those they need for their growth. As a result, they choose wisely and only mate with those whom they have vetted carefully beforehand to ensure they meet their needs. When they do so, they are bonded for life by their choice but are free to express their feelings elsewhere whenever they like. There is no jealousy involved because love transcends sexuality and sexual encounters. The norm is to remain with one partner and seek outside what may be missing energetically between them. No one person fulfils all needs. However, sexual encounters differ from earth in that they are less about physical contact and more about energy exchange. There is no ejaculation as such, just a surge of energy at a key point. So it is that the whole concept of sex is less "sleazy" (messy) than on earth! It should be understood therefore that the exchange is entirely more sophisticated than on earth and not base in the way human exchanges can be. People have evolved beyond that stage.”
The effect of the exchange on me was to leave me intrigued! I was not surprised by much of it because of a piece that I channelled 3 years ago in the midst of my own journey of sexual freedom as an access to eventual spiritual freedom. I am, however, still the product of a society where we often regard sex as “bad” and sex outside a relationship as a betrayal unless with mutual consent of all concerned. I have always sought monogamous relationships and wanted someone for life. Though I loved my 6-month period of freedom in 2008 and none of my encounters was anything less than loving at one level, I am more suited to sharing my life with one special person. Yet, I have met people that I would wish to "exchange energies with" were I not in a relationship and I feel that it would in no way alter how I feel about my partner, but I am with someone who is not in that space and I love, honour and respect him very much and do not wish to hurt him. I admit that I am still so wedded to current expectations that the idea of him "playing around" doesn't appeal to me though something perhaps with us both present (does that sound kinky?) is appealing but not on the cards for the foreseeable future! But due to how I have felt, what this says does resonate with me despite my own 3rd dimensional attachments. I think the point is that the whole picture changes when we are in a 5th dimensional plane of existence since the petty jealousies, etc, simply vanish and we are loving with all beings.
Anyway, I felt a tad shaken by the above, as it shakes the foundations of my beliefs and feelings which have changed 180 degrees since I began this spiritual journey and here I don't mean the sexual part of it. If you knew me 25 years ago you would laugh to hear me says this as in those days I saw even thinking about someone else as being "adultery of the mind", no kidding (such was my self repression and intolerance)!
If what I have produced here (which occurs as more like channelling given the 1st person addressing of me as in the 2nd person) is correct, it is highly controversial and yet also very consistent with what we know about love. It is attachments to the 3rd dimension that make it a little hard for me to accept but I am almost there with it. How do you feel - disappointed, upset, or intrigued? I think I am largely in the latter space with minor doses of the former two!
My reply reads:
I have opinions and thoughts but they are not much help so I am going to write whatever words come to me from my heart on this and shut out the prejudice of whatever I think in my head. So here goes:
"The answer to this question lies in the difference between true love and romantic love. First one must understand that there is a discrepancy between what people think is love and the reality of it. Love is unconditional and that remains true everywhere, on planet earth and beyond into the stars. Therefore, nothing else prevails anywhere in reality.
That said, there is a vast difference between cultures across the stars but at their core is the same love.
Now let's look at the issue a little closer: we have to take on board that in the current perceived reality on earth there are millions of beings brainwashed by society into believing that love is somehow the expression of sexual attraction. It is not. Love has nothing to do with attraction which is itself derived from perceived need for growth. When we encounter a being whom we are drawn to, we see something they have to offer us and it is this that sets the tone for the relationship as long as it persists. Once the perceived benefit is ended, so is the relationship, though many hang on in the hope that it can somehow be revived. This is, however, forlorn, since to revive the dead is not possible.
So, when we consider this question in full in its proper context, one will see that there is a vast difference between sexual attraction and love. Love is the natural state amongst all beings in an enlightened society of 5th dimensional level. It is experienced independently of sexual attraction and for all beings. Therefore, the notion of enduring relationships is false. They may endure for a purpose or role to be complete but there is no need for attachment to that relationship once the role is over. The love continues naturally as it is there for all beings. There is no disharmony involved, just the recognition that it is complete in order to allow the parties involved to move on. This appraisal may seem cold in the context of current societal beliefs but in reality it is the utmost expression of a loving society designed to perpetuate itself and grow.
For example, there is a society of exceptional standards of love and being where the people are advanced beings at a whole level beyond humanity on earth. In this society, people are all 5th dimensional beings and very alert to the realities of love and notions of attraction. They know that love stems from their very being naturally and without effort and that attraction is simply the way we are drawn to those they need for their growth. As a result, they choose wisely and only mate with those whom they have vetted carefully beforehand to ensure they meet their needs. When they do so, they are bonded for life by their choice but are free to express their feelings elsewhere whenever they like. There is no jealousy involved because love transcends sexuality and sexual encounters. The norm is to remain with one partner and seek outside what may be missing energetically between them. No one person fulfils all needs. However, sexual encounters differ from earth in that they are less about physical contact and more about energy exchange. There is no ejaculation as such, just a surge of energy at a key point. So it is that the whole concept of sex is less "sleazy" (messy) than on earth! It should be understood therefore that the exchange is entirely more sophisticated than on earth and not base in the way human exchanges can be. People have evolved beyond that stage.”
The effect of the exchange on me was to leave me intrigued! I was not surprised by much of it because of a piece that I channelled 3 years ago in the midst of my own journey of sexual freedom as an access to eventual spiritual freedom. I am, however, still the product of a society where we often regard sex as “bad” and sex outside a relationship as a betrayal unless with mutual consent of all concerned. I have always sought monogamous relationships and wanted someone for life. Though I loved my 6-month period of freedom in 2008 and none of my encounters was anything less than loving at one level, I am more suited to sharing my life with one special person. Yet, I have met people that I would wish to "exchange energies with" were I not in a relationship and I feel that it would in no way alter how I feel about my partner, but I am with someone who is not in that space and I love, honour and respect him very much and do not wish to hurt him. I admit that I am still so wedded to current expectations that the idea of him "playing around" doesn't appeal to me though something perhaps with us both present (does that sound kinky?) is appealing but not on the cards for the foreseeable future! But due to how I have felt, what this says does resonate with me despite my own 3rd dimensional attachments. I think the point is that the whole picture changes when we are in a 5th dimensional plane of existence since the petty jealousies, etc, simply vanish and we are loving with all beings.
Anyway, I felt a tad shaken by the above, as it shakes the foundations of my beliefs and feelings which have changed 180 degrees since I began this spiritual journey and here I don't mean the sexual part of it. If you knew me 25 years ago you would laugh to hear me says this as in those days I saw even thinking about someone else as being "adultery of the mind", no kidding (such was my self repression and intolerance)!
If what I have produced here (which occurs as more like channelling given the 1st person addressing of me as in the 2nd person) is correct, it is highly controversial and yet also very consistent with what we know about love. It is attachments to the 3rd dimension that make it a little hard for me to accept but I am almost there with it. How do you feel - disappointed, upset, or intrigued? I think I am largely in the latter space with minor doses of the former two!
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