Regret

“Regret” is a word that is alien to my heart. I have none. I have had things I wished I had (like children) but I don’t regret - to regret is to deny oneself the ability to change oneself and one’s life. Regret is enforced suffering brought on by inaction and lack of self belief. So regret is not for me.

Instead, I would sooner turn each loss into a fresh opportunity for growth and understanding. In this way, I can reinvent myself and my past for a brighter future. So, for example, I can see my childless state as something that has liberated me to explore other avenues, free from responsibility to those precious lives and also I can revel in the love and warmth of others as they enjoy their children and see the wonder that each child represents for the world, the hope for our future.

I could moan and complain and dig up the “issue” afresh all the time and saddle myself with sadness that would close my heart to other things, but I don’t. I prefer to enjoy my solitude in nature, connecting instead with the youthful life force in so many things, to embrace the cycle of birth and death in all its forms.

I could choose to father a child to fill the missing presence, but for me at my age I want other things and above all to express myself to the world, so no need for regret because I could make it otherwise yet I choose what I have.

In fact, as I write, I struggle to think of anything I truly regret. I have made mistakes and learnt from them; I have wronged people and made good the wrong; I have been wronged by others and forgiven them with genuine compassion; so there is nothing I can regret. Regret is such a wasteful state of being.