I have woken up full of why’s and how’s and the consequential unsettled feeling inside for not knowing the answers to any of the cascade of insecurities that have rained on me from nowhere with no apparent reason other than that they just ‘are’. Not so pleasant, this feeling I have awakened to. Not the same peaceful state I have become used to but it need not last and, as I prefer my mind to relax into my daily ritual free of flow writing, I turn my mind away from the unanswerable questions and allow the anxiety to slip away slowly from inside. I resist the temptation to force the process, close my eyes and breathe deeply, soaking up the calmer energy in the morning light and letting it work its way into my body and heart.
The odd sip of tea supports the gradual restoration of order and calm within, a healing of old wounds that generate doubt and the need to know, and in its absence, a vacuum forms in which anxiety builds a nest unless I scatter the branches which form its structure. I do this by not letting a question or fearful feeling take hold. I do not fight it, accepting the mind’s attempt and desire to be secure through certainty (however misguided it may be), but I let it go with gratitude for its good intentions, preferring the inner peace and ease of effort that comes when we simply trust and accept the moment, moment by moment, hour by hour and so on till whatever happens happens and our future is mapped out at a deeper level from within.
This surrender to the natural order is a recipe for peace and happiness and with it comes love, love for people, love for so many things that the Universe provides freely to those who wait for It to deliver what they want instead of taking over and forcing their own will upon the situation. It is hard not to drive things forward, for the strength of belief and unquestioning acceptance which is needed to bring about ones dreams so easily slip into will-powered determination, born of past experiences and pushing against the natural flow, causing it to slow down or even reverse, leaving us exhausted, perhaps wounded.
And now, only minutes since I started, calm has returned and I feel contented, disinterested in the why’s and how’s that brought suffering, preferring the joy of acceptance and surrender to the pain of futile attempts to know and control. How quickly peace of mind resumes with the tools of faith in the Universe.
Sunday, 26 April 2009
Wednesday, 22 April 2009
Simply Divine
“Simply Divine!” It sums up everything, for when we are have peace of mind and life is therefore good, it is simple, uncomplicated and definitely of the Divine, so it is a succinct statement of the truth of my life. How nice! How lucky I am to have been able to see it for what it is. It does not relieve me of dreams and requests for even better things but blesses me with an awareness and resultant gratitude for what I have already.
This is joy. My awakening to it this fine, sunny morning carries the blessing of a great day ahead as I venture to take on the challenges of work and study amidst chaos and beauty, scorching heat and invigorating light. Mine is a strange existence at present, bereft of structure and routine, dependent on only me and the Universe. I cannot imagine how utterly weird, even mad, I must look to those for whom habit and security are so important. Even my beloved does not understand but his love is deep enough to allow me to be myself, most of the time at least, and he does to seek to change too much in the realisation that I am not one to be tamed!
My simply divine existence will bring me what it will today, gradually answering my prayers and fulfilling my dreams at its own pace, not mine, sometimes slowly and sometimes with almost shocking speed. The request for abundance, so long coming, now so fast arriving, with more almost by the day. Such contrast with just weeks ago and not once did I actually go hungry, even at its worst, for I am well loved and protected from above, all the more so as I surrender to what comes to me, knowing if not understanding how it all works for my ultimate well-being.
I desire so many things and experiences, yet I am happy here and now, not at some distant future time. I sit here, my beloved sleeping, his arms and embrace awaiting a wake up call I will soon give that will further feed my unlimited happiness, as loving words and touches are exchanged before the dawning of a fresh day of love’s opportunity. How rich am I that I have all this and no need for lock and keys to protect it from the envious eyes of others, for happiness is true yet intangible, not the product of false beliefs in material security and control. No insurance can cover its loss and its loss is not in prospect as long as I keep my eyes open to the truth.
This is joy. My awakening to it this fine, sunny morning carries the blessing of a great day ahead as I venture to take on the challenges of work and study amidst chaos and beauty, scorching heat and invigorating light. Mine is a strange existence at present, bereft of structure and routine, dependent on only me and the Universe. I cannot imagine how utterly weird, even mad, I must look to those for whom habit and security are so important. Even my beloved does not understand but his love is deep enough to allow me to be myself, most of the time at least, and he does to seek to change too much in the realisation that I am not one to be tamed!
My simply divine existence will bring me what it will today, gradually answering my prayers and fulfilling my dreams at its own pace, not mine, sometimes slowly and sometimes with almost shocking speed. The request for abundance, so long coming, now so fast arriving, with more almost by the day. Such contrast with just weeks ago and not once did I actually go hungry, even at its worst, for I am well loved and protected from above, all the more so as I surrender to what comes to me, knowing if not understanding how it all works for my ultimate well-being.
I desire so many things and experiences, yet I am happy here and now, not at some distant future time. I sit here, my beloved sleeping, his arms and embrace awaiting a wake up call I will soon give that will further feed my unlimited happiness, as loving words and touches are exchanged before the dawning of a fresh day of love’s opportunity. How rich am I that I have all this and no need for lock and keys to protect it from the envious eyes of others, for happiness is true yet intangible, not the product of false beliefs in material security and control. No insurance can cover its loss and its loss is not in prospect as long as I keep my eyes open to the truth.
Sunday, 19 April 2009
Freedom Apace
Late today, I am out on the open-air landing in the mid-afternoon, now rested, hair groomed at last after weeks of delay, calm in spirit once again, contented with my lot. I prepare to put myself into ‘free-flow gear’ and accelerate to that wonderful place of freedom, fastening the mental seat belt to allow me to let go completely. So, here goes!
One, two three, bang! I explode once more, nodes of understanding forming quickly as I release again. Crystal pure thoughts ejaculate from nowhere, my thinking obscured as the flow releases to me whatever it wishes to reveal and again I find myself able to trust and, therefore, to hear that all is well with the world, my world in particular, no need to fear scarcity any more, the river of plenty coursing through my every cell, bringing me whatever I desire at a pace that astounds. There is nothing rare or unique that I cannot have if I set my mind to it. As that generous thought melts away, I am left to contemplate what I could have, like a distant, curious observer, unsure of where to look next, excited but confused by the infinite choices available to it.
How splendid! The motor of the flow still running smoothly, I step up the pace and loosen the wheels still further so they run as if on air, oiled by my freedom and my refusal to accept anything less than the fulfilment of my dreams. It really heats up inside me now as the flow gets going and boosts itself towards the greatness it contains quite naturally and without effort. Racing ahead, unstoppable now, I see on the horizon great things to be shared in future as events unfold and call me truly into being at a whole new level. This is great, for I too am great when greatness within us is allowed to breathe and sustain its life within us all. No exceptions, each of us paints a false picture of reality that, once found out, fades away, leaving in its wake a beautiful reality whose power is truly great. This, then, is what I shall convey to the world in my books, that the great may become great and freedom ensue.
One, two three, bang! I explode once more, nodes of understanding forming quickly as I release again. Crystal pure thoughts ejaculate from nowhere, my thinking obscured as the flow releases to me whatever it wishes to reveal and again I find myself able to trust and, therefore, to hear that all is well with the world, my world in particular, no need to fear scarcity any more, the river of plenty coursing through my every cell, bringing me whatever I desire at a pace that astounds. There is nothing rare or unique that I cannot have if I set my mind to it. As that generous thought melts away, I am left to contemplate what I could have, like a distant, curious observer, unsure of where to look next, excited but confused by the infinite choices available to it.
How splendid! The motor of the flow still running smoothly, I step up the pace and loosen the wheels still further so they run as if on air, oiled by my freedom and my refusal to accept anything less than the fulfilment of my dreams. It really heats up inside me now as the flow gets going and boosts itself towards the greatness it contains quite naturally and without effort. Racing ahead, unstoppable now, I see on the horizon great things to be shared in future as events unfold and call me truly into being at a whole new level. This is great, for I too am great when greatness within us is allowed to breathe and sustain its life within us all. No exceptions, each of us paints a false picture of reality that, once found out, fades away, leaving in its wake a beautiful reality whose power is truly great. This, then, is what I shall convey to the world in my books, that the great may become great and freedom ensue.
Friday, 10 April 2009
Yet Another Perfect Day
“Yet another f…..g perfect day!” The words come back to me from a film with Sarah Miles called “White Mischief” as I once again indulge myself with an early morning writing meditation to start my day. This time alone, my beloved now working again, I relish the beautiful start to my day, from the email I awoke to bringing news of imminent profitable work to the positive email from a close friend endorsing what I am doing, to the joy of seeing my beloved off to work in good spirits, to the cold I surrendered to that has now gone after only 2 days, to the taste of strawberry jam signalling a return of my sacred sense of taste and, above all, to the joy of early morning sun on the landing outside our apartment. Yes, I feel on top of the world today, succeeding in accepting and, in so doing, being blessed with so many things – all this in the face of illness and injury. Not bad for a once whinging pom!
I am so thrilled with my day and the good news that it brings on so many levels that I can hardly contain myself. Where joy has been missing for the 4 weeks since my accident, it is now present in abundance even though I have not yet recovered. Doing as I am told (for once!) and accepting everything without complaint for days on end has produced what I was told it would: joy in the moment with resultant good fortune.
I see that I have squandered so much precious energy suffering and then moaning about doing so. More importantly, I have deprived myself of much, even more precious, happiness and well-being in the process. No point in lamenting it but let it be a lesson for the future, for every moment that is less than joyful is a waste and one for which I alone am responsible.
This being the case, I close my eyes, feeling the intense heat contrasting with the somewhat cooler breeze, not seeking a particular line of thought and instead just savouring the moment. As my tea is nearly finished, I countenance the continuance of this blissful state in whatever activity I am next drawn to. This daily indulgence of writing out of doors is but part of the joyful experiences on offer and soon must give way to another part. Will it be preparations for our forthcoming move to another room or will it be the review of that helpful email about work in readiness for a full and rewarding reply? I do not know and as my tea is still not quite finished, it does not matter. I do as I feel in the moment and refuse to worry about something in the future, no matter how soon – to do so is just too wasteful of this precious joy!
I am so thrilled with my day and the good news that it brings on so many levels that I can hardly contain myself. Where joy has been missing for the 4 weeks since my accident, it is now present in abundance even though I have not yet recovered. Doing as I am told (for once!) and accepting everything without complaint for days on end has produced what I was told it would: joy in the moment with resultant good fortune.
I see that I have squandered so much precious energy suffering and then moaning about doing so. More importantly, I have deprived myself of much, even more precious, happiness and well-being in the process. No point in lamenting it but let it be a lesson for the future, for every moment that is less than joyful is a waste and one for which I alone am responsible.
This being the case, I close my eyes, feeling the intense heat contrasting with the somewhat cooler breeze, not seeking a particular line of thought and instead just savouring the moment. As my tea is nearly finished, I countenance the continuance of this blissful state in whatever activity I am next drawn to. This daily indulgence of writing out of doors is but part of the joyful experiences on offer and soon must give way to another part. Will it be preparations for our forthcoming move to another room or will it be the review of that helpful email about work in readiness for a full and rewarding reply? I do not know and as my tea is still not quite finished, it does not matter. I do as I feel in the moment and refuse to worry about something in the future, no matter how soon – to do so is just too wasteful of this precious joy!
Thursday, 9 April 2009
Surrender to a Cold Flow
It seems to get hotter every morning at the moment, as summer takes bite before the rainy season begins. My streaming cold feels out of place in such extreme heat and the hot air teases the lining of my now hypersensitive nose, bringing still more sneezes and a rush of clear liquid the supply of which appears infinite! Discomfort and minor irritation aside, I apply my new practice on accepting everything to alleviate my sense of suffering and instead take it for what it is, part of a gradual process of cleansing and renewing to allow me to flourish once more.
It is not easy to accept these discomforts for what they are but once I do so I am less stressed and upset by them as they pass by soon enough, some things faster than others. Long ago, I learnt not to fight a cold with medicine and to surrender to it to allow it to run its course. In so doing, it ended sooner - recovery was thus facilitated by this casual, trusting approach to minor illness. Medicines sometimes made me feel better but they usually prolong the illness and also they prevented the body shedding whatever it felt it needed to shed that had it ignite the dormant illness within. After all, illness comes when we resist something or have something to remove that we have taken into our body through trauma or emotional distress. With illness our body communicates the acts and omissions that bring it pain. If we listen, we learn and move on.
So with this in mind, tissues galore piling up in my waste bin, I am starting yet another hot day in this week I began so well by choosing calm. For the most part that chosen state has prevailed, allowing me to rest and recover. When fears, doubts and anxieties flutter by, once I see them for what they are they pass on, disinterested in this erstwhile victim they had targeted, leaving me just to be – peaceful, tame, unquestioning.
That last one is interesting: as many of us humans do, I seek to understand and know through many questions that set me on a path first of discovery and then control. So, when I simply make myself aware of what is but not question what I may or may not become (or if I stop when I notice I have started to question), I leave myself with no need to rack my brains and challenge everything, to be annoyed, resentful or frustrated. Instead, I savour the moment, sometimes just the very nothingness of an unused mind and wait until my feelings point the way to the next thing to be, do or have, to observe with curiosity but not to question. This then is the secret to much of inner peace – let go; do not question or challenge but be contented with whatever you have and wherever you are, for surely other things will follow when the time is right and resistance just delays their arrival still further.
So I am here, mug of tea nearly finished, pleased once more to have reached peaceful acceptance through my writing this stream of thoughts that come unprovoked, though welcome. This regular mental exercise is building a powerful muscle, peace through acceptance, and in time I will expand my ability to regenerate peace at will, on noticing the state that is less than peaceful and its probable cause, freeing me once more from a prison of anxieties and suffering, limiting my once questioning mind to curiosity, an observer of myself from a short distance rather than a drowning child without hope.
It is not easy to accept these discomforts for what they are but once I do so I am less stressed and upset by them as they pass by soon enough, some things faster than others. Long ago, I learnt not to fight a cold with medicine and to surrender to it to allow it to run its course. In so doing, it ended sooner - recovery was thus facilitated by this casual, trusting approach to minor illness. Medicines sometimes made me feel better but they usually prolong the illness and also they prevented the body shedding whatever it felt it needed to shed that had it ignite the dormant illness within. After all, illness comes when we resist something or have something to remove that we have taken into our body through trauma or emotional distress. With illness our body communicates the acts and omissions that bring it pain. If we listen, we learn and move on.
So with this in mind, tissues galore piling up in my waste bin, I am starting yet another hot day in this week I began so well by choosing calm. For the most part that chosen state has prevailed, allowing me to rest and recover. When fears, doubts and anxieties flutter by, once I see them for what they are they pass on, disinterested in this erstwhile victim they had targeted, leaving me just to be – peaceful, tame, unquestioning.
That last one is interesting: as many of us humans do, I seek to understand and know through many questions that set me on a path first of discovery and then control. So, when I simply make myself aware of what is but not question what I may or may not become (or if I stop when I notice I have started to question), I leave myself with no need to rack my brains and challenge everything, to be annoyed, resentful or frustrated. Instead, I savour the moment, sometimes just the very nothingness of an unused mind and wait until my feelings point the way to the next thing to be, do or have, to observe with curiosity but not to question. This then is the secret to much of inner peace – let go; do not question or challenge but be contented with whatever you have and wherever you are, for surely other things will follow when the time is right and resistance just delays their arrival still further.
So I am here, mug of tea nearly finished, pleased once more to have reached peaceful acceptance through my writing this stream of thoughts that come unprovoked, though welcome. This regular mental exercise is building a powerful muscle, peace through acceptance, and in time I will expand my ability to regenerate peace at will, on noticing the state that is less than peaceful and its probable cause, freeing me once more from a prison of anxieties and suffering, limiting my once questioning mind to curiosity, an observer of myself from a short distance rather than a drowning child without hope.
Tuesday, 7 April 2009
Living in the Flow
Here I am once more, alert to the beauty around me, aware suddenly that I differ from most people in that I seek to create the world around me as I would wish it to be, as much from dreams as from faith. Whilst I sometimes allow myself to be dragged down by some of my life’s circumstances, when I wake up and breathe the easy air all around and dwell on nothing else, it no longer has any meaning and instead curiosity prevails: what will I do today, how can I enjoy my day within the time available and the physical state of me and the world around me? I can never know for sure until the day is past, so I do not waste energy answering these questions and instead focus on just one which is ever-present during an enlightened day: what do I feel like doing now?
This simple question, when respected for its enormous contribution to my happiness, allows me to tap into a higher knowing within that guides my actions and my thinking wisely and still has me do the daily chores that are so important to function in life. So it does not ignore the otherwise tedious tasks that so often bother me but instead it allows me to do it when it feels right and thereby brings effortlessness to the whole activity.
When things are not forced but chosen for the obvious benefits, there is joy and satisfaction in everything. When others question this, if I am solid within my true self I am unshaken by the challenge to my wisdom and then, on less centred days, I may wobble for a while as my upbringing, based on obligations (“shoulds”), allows guilt to creep in and I either surrender to the guilt and ignore my wishes or I defend myself to no effect or purpose. Such negative surrender is, I am pleased to say, rare these days. Perhaps less so, however, is that deep rooted trait of mine, defensiveness. Fortunately, usually the happier state of inner peace prevails and I do as I wish, what feels right in the moment, and life then poses fewer threats and obstacles.
This simple question, when respected for its enormous contribution to my happiness, allows me to tap into a higher knowing within that guides my actions and my thinking wisely and still has me do the daily chores that are so important to function in life. So it does not ignore the otherwise tedious tasks that so often bother me but instead it allows me to do it when it feels right and thereby brings effortlessness to the whole activity.
When things are not forced but chosen for the obvious benefits, there is joy and satisfaction in everything. When others question this, if I am solid within my true self I am unshaken by the challenge to my wisdom and then, on less centred days, I may wobble for a while as my upbringing, based on obligations (“shoulds”), allows guilt to creep in and I either surrender to the guilt and ignore my wishes or I defend myself to no effect or purpose. Such negative surrender is, I am pleased to say, rare these days. Perhaps less so, however, is that deep rooted trait of mine, defensiveness. Fortunately, usually the happier state of inner peace prevails and I do as I wish, what feels right in the moment, and life then poses fewer threats and obstacles.
Choosing Inner Peace
This is it: a glorious, hot, sunny day; awake but not ready to go anywhere; is this not paradise? Why question such perfection for not fitting the mould of convention and expectation, for to do so surely destroys the joy in the moment, the realisation that everything is perfect if you let it be? Nothing is wrong; there are just temporary distortions and complications that mould our character but beyond that there is no purpose in resisting the inevitable. Just let it happen with curiosity as to what benefits it will bring your future life, if they cannot be seen already.
This natural state of acceptance and surrender allows me to soak up the morning light and take in the peaceful air that surrounds me this Monday morning. When I stop to notice, it is peaceful and the peace pervades me too, no longer wrestling with the thoughts and doubts to which I arose only to be distracted by shallow fantasies to avoid the pain and boredom.
Now I am free to enter whatever state of awareness I choose for my day and I choose eclectic calm, calm drawn from many sources: the early morning air, the sunshine, the trees in the inner courtyard, the birds singing, almost chanting, the slight clatter of dishes as the restaurant next door prepares for the day ahead, hopeful of more custom in these quiet times. As I look around me, becoming present to the many potential sources of peace and calm around me, I see the list is actually unlimited as I extend my awareness to the bright green new leaves on the trees, to the flowers, to the large colourful fish in the pond below, to the many people also beginning their day, their week, uncertain of what it will bring, perhaps wishing for fun and happiness, perhaps anxious and fearful of the challenges ahead. But for me, breathing deeply as I drink up the calm, the anxieties ebb and leave the mental beauty equivalent to the near-perfect smoothness of a white sandy beach as the latest tide withdraws.
This, then, is a lucky state of mind for a Monday morning, one that sets a happy tone for the day and week ahead. The choice is mine as to whether it continues or I let the noises of life break the inner peace like a delicate glass dropped to the floor by careless hands. I now make the obvious choice and patiently wait to see what the day actually brings.
This natural state of acceptance and surrender allows me to soak up the morning light and take in the peaceful air that surrounds me this Monday morning. When I stop to notice, it is peaceful and the peace pervades me too, no longer wrestling with the thoughts and doubts to which I arose only to be distracted by shallow fantasies to avoid the pain and boredom.
Now I am free to enter whatever state of awareness I choose for my day and I choose eclectic calm, calm drawn from many sources: the early morning air, the sunshine, the trees in the inner courtyard, the birds singing, almost chanting, the slight clatter of dishes as the restaurant next door prepares for the day ahead, hopeful of more custom in these quiet times. As I look around me, becoming present to the many potential sources of peace and calm around me, I see the list is actually unlimited as I extend my awareness to the bright green new leaves on the trees, to the flowers, to the large colourful fish in the pond below, to the many people also beginning their day, their week, uncertain of what it will bring, perhaps wishing for fun and happiness, perhaps anxious and fearful of the challenges ahead. But for me, breathing deeply as I drink up the calm, the anxieties ebb and leave the mental beauty equivalent to the near-perfect smoothness of a white sandy beach as the latest tide withdraws.
This, then, is a lucky state of mind for a Monday morning, one that sets a happy tone for the day and week ahead. The choice is mine as to whether it continues or I let the noises of life break the inner peace like a delicate glass dropped to the floor by careless hands. I now make the obvious choice and patiently wait to see what the day actually brings.
Sunday, 5 April 2009
Empty-headed and Conscious
I let my mind wander once again, for the joy in the freedom it entails. Alone with my thoughts, conscious of nothing in particular other than the intense heat around me, I absorb only the thoughts as they occur to me and wallow in their glory, as they come freely and without association or condition. It is as though each time I do this I tap into a channel within me, an inner stream of consciousness that appears to have no prompt or guide and just flows effortlessly. As I consciously now request of this inner stream something bold and inspiring for others, I await whatever comes to me from within with a mixture of curiosity and apprehension: curiosity for what it might offer forth; apprehension in case it is not as interesting or special as I would wish, having no control over the topic to be chosen or its content.
As I now start to write down whatever the stream has elected to reveal, I am now amidst still greater emptiness as I allow my mind to follow the direction it has been given by my heart and I discover the thought that has been chosen relates to my expertise in future times, the topics I will embrace as part of my journey in a foreign land in which I currently feel lost. This topic frightens my conscious mind, for fear that in future nothing worthy may flow and then I am done for, lost to the sands of time till death brings inevitable release. However, these thoughts from the inner stream are not constrained by fear and so I go on to discover the purpose in this flow and its purpose in my life.
I am freed by this practice and it shows me who I am by default rather than by design or pressure to perform: I am skilled, loving and careful. I wish to bring joy to the life of millions of my fellow humans and, in so doing, to my own. I will do this when time and experience allow and all that I have created for myself as dreams will be mine in reality. This I find intriguing since I feel ever more remote from such dreams at this time of extreme hardship and discomfort, but I know it is for the best overall and I welcome its end when the time is right but seek it not to end early, for therein would lie a challenge to fulfilment of my desires. This I cannot abide: I have suffered so much, a little more won’t hurt, especially if I am empowered by the experience, as I am sure I will be.
So, this text reveals to me from within that despite my very human fears and doubts, all that I have asked for will be mine in time and to neglect or ignore that fact is the root of my suffering, for when I surrender to the process, even in pain, the arousal of the mind’s doubts and fears ends and, with it, inner peace and tranquillity are restored once more.
As I now start to write down whatever the stream has elected to reveal, I am now amidst still greater emptiness as I allow my mind to follow the direction it has been given by my heart and I discover the thought that has been chosen relates to my expertise in future times, the topics I will embrace as part of my journey in a foreign land in which I currently feel lost. This topic frightens my conscious mind, for fear that in future nothing worthy may flow and then I am done for, lost to the sands of time till death brings inevitable release. However, these thoughts from the inner stream are not constrained by fear and so I go on to discover the purpose in this flow and its purpose in my life.
I am freed by this practice and it shows me who I am by default rather than by design or pressure to perform: I am skilled, loving and careful. I wish to bring joy to the life of millions of my fellow humans and, in so doing, to my own. I will do this when time and experience allow and all that I have created for myself as dreams will be mine in reality. This I find intriguing since I feel ever more remote from such dreams at this time of extreme hardship and discomfort, but I know it is for the best overall and I welcome its end when the time is right but seek it not to end early, for therein would lie a challenge to fulfilment of my desires. This I cannot abide: I have suffered so much, a little more won’t hurt, especially if I am empowered by the experience, as I am sure I will be.
So, this text reveals to me from within that despite my very human fears and doubts, all that I have asked for will be mine in time and to neglect or ignore that fact is the root of my suffering, for when I surrender to the process, even in pain, the arousal of the mind’s doubts and fears ends and, with it, inner peace and tranquillity are restored once more.
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