Empty-headed and Conscious

I let my mind wander once again, for the joy in the freedom it entails. Alone with my thoughts, conscious of nothing in particular other than the intense heat around me, I absorb only the thoughts as they occur to me and wallow in their glory, as they come freely and without association or condition. It is as though each time I do this I tap into a channel within me, an inner stream of consciousness that appears to have no prompt or guide and just flows effortlessly. As I consciously now request of this inner stream something bold and inspiring for others, I await whatever comes to me from within with a mixture of curiosity and apprehension: curiosity for what it might offer forth; apprehension in case it is not as interesting or special as I would wish, having no control over the topic to be chosen or its content.

As I now start to write down whatever the stream has elected to reveal, I am now amidst still greater emptiness as I allow my mind to follow the direction it has been given by my heart and I discover the thought that has been chosen relates to my expertise in future times, the topics I will embrace as part of my journey in a foreign land in which I currently feel lost. This topic frightens my conscious mind, for fear that in future nothing worthy may flow and then I am done for, lost to the sands of time till death brings inevitable release. However, these thoughts from the inner stream are not constrained by fear and so I go on to discover the purpose in this flow and its purpose in my life.

I am freed by this practice and it shows me who I am by default rather than by design or pressure to perform: I am skilled, loving and careful. I wish to bring joy to the life of millions of my fellow humans and, in so doing, to my own. I will do this when time and experience allow and all that I have created for myself as dreams will be mine in reality. This I find intriguing since I feel ever more remote from such dreams at this time of extreme hardship and discomfort, but I know it is for the best overall and I welcome its end when the time is right but seek it not to end early, for therein would lie a challenge to fulfilment of my desires. This I cannot abide: I have suffered so much, a little more won’t hurt, especially if I am empowered by the experience, as I am sure I will be.

So, this text reveals to me from within that despite my very human fears and doubts, all that I have asked for will be mine in time and to neglect or ignore that fact is the root of my suffering, for when I surrender to the process, even in pain, the arousal of the mind’s doubts and fears ends and, with it, inner peace and tranquillity are restored once more.