“You are not welcome here anymore!”

“You are not welcome here anymore!” These words sting as surely as a deadly snake and they keep me in my place for far too long. They show me how gullible I have been and how disconnected from my true self. The pain of realising that I led my life in the belief that I was somehow worse than others because I was not welcome in the life of someone dear to me had caused me to pause and reflect and somehow synthesise all that took place as a result so that I may move forward and be free.

I found the source of much past pain and it was ugly. It shocked me and touched me at the same time. I feel so loathed, so rejected and yet I also see that in time I will be able to manage the pain and move beyond the false decisions I made about myself, about who I am.


Oh, gosh, this was so far removed from anything I expected, from my known world, no wonder the pain lay buried so deep, so decked in the paraphernalia of life so as to ignore the real source of suffering, the indignation caused by the awareness at what took place and what I made it mean.

I am shocked and it will take time to adjust to this alternate reality that nature has laid at my door. With it will come freedom I never though possible, that much I can tell. Now let it rest and settle and see what transpires. Tomorrow is another day and it will bring new hope as the dust settles and the emotions are free once more.