Here I am on my way to Laos once more, possibly for the last time for a visa run at least, and I am alone with my music and my beloved Macbook Pro! Our affair began but a few months ago and I fear it may be a lifetime thing. It is like having a portable office, studio and entertainment centre all wrapped into one gloriously sexy package! It is pretty much everything they say it is but I fear I am in danger of looking like an Apple salesman, so enough said!
I am tired yet not ready to sleep since there is another 11 hours before we arrive and I am buoyed up by things at home. I just ran through our recent photos of the Loi Kratong Festival and there were the two main focuses of my private life, my two other beloveds whose loyalty is not flaunted by my dalliance with another love, my Apple Mac! Those other two beloveds are my partner Than and my 8-month old dog, Lucky. Just the expressions on their faces, that tongue hanging long and thirstily from Lucky’s over-cute face melts my heart and I look forward to my return home in less than three days.
I left a challenge for my partner, an invitation for him to step up and claim his own greatness in life, seeking from him and for him a promise to go for it, for the best life he can possibly have, for true freedom and self expression. I need someone equally committed to themselves to be strong together, to support each other on our journeys that are not always easy to say the least. I love him dearly and so much that I really want that for him, yet it is his choice, not mine. One thing, however, is that if he does not choose himself, he does not choose me. I cannot live with someone who is not growing alongside me.
Far from rejecting my recent raising of this as an issue, he saw that I was right and this gives me great hope for our future together. It takes a lot to step into such a role and it is not for everyone, yet the potential rewards are great, greater than the inevitable challenges along the path. Thought it is his own journey, when two people share such a commitment to themselves they can care for and share for each other in ways that are not possible with others less committed, less caring about their own future and their fulfilment of their life purpose.
He has yet to find his own and it will take time and patience from us both to allow him the space to grow and find his path, his vocation, but that is my commitment in return, if he makes that promise to himself, to support him one step at a time and to be patient as he takes each step, sometimes making inevitable mistakes along the way, just as I have done many times since I made a like choice nearly 8 years ago now. I have a head start perhaps and can help him in that yet his path is his and it will differ from mine and what a mistake it would be to impose myself on him as a mere copy rather than a beautiful expression of the uniqueness that is him.
So, I await my return and his considered response with more than a little anticipation and yet in my heart I know he will make it and, therefore, so will we.
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