Powerful Creativity from “Going Inward”

In the 24 hours or so since I realised that my next big challenge was to find a focus for the theories I am writing about, rather than just putting them “out there”, thinking they will somehow magically reach the right people, and I have gone through several phases: first, a sort of panic based on the fear that I am not up to the task (worthless!); second, a sense of having come to a grinding halt, a brick wall of nothingness (see yesterday’s blog entry for how that felt!); third, after a good night’s sleep, a reluctant acceptance and conscious choice not to push it or “stress it”; and now the most powerful state so far, a wholehearted surrender to the process, the creative process, if you like.

It is in that space that I write this piece somewhat excitedly as the process has brought me peace of mind and real faith that I will find the solution when the time is right. The source of this was the realisation that “going inward”, as I was advised to do, is far easier than I had realised. When people told me this in the past, I tended to be afraid that I wasn’t able to. I have a busy mind and though I meditate often it is often not necessarily the most powerful meditation that one could achieve - I have taught myself that it is better to do it than not (many people are so perturbed by the inability to silence their mind that they give up before they start).

But “going inward” can be done without meditation if necessary and, indeed, very powerfully when supported by other tools to get into a creative flow and it is this realisation that has freed me up from reluctance to genuine patience and faith, a sort of knowing that things will be all right.

So, what I do in order to “power up” this process to maximum effect - which will produce results equally effective as with the best of meditations - is that I start by being clear on what it is I am asking of myself and the universe; what is it exactly that I want answered - if it is blurred, this will confuse the subconscious as well as the universal consciousness into which I am effectively tapping when I do this.

Then, if I have any fears or doubts about my ability to do it, I notice how the ego likes to play games, thank it for its contribution and then let the thought go and trust in the process. It is a bit like when you are trying to remember something but it stubbornly sticks in the recesses of the mind and won’t come out: the more your force it, the more you try, the worse it gets; whereas, if you let go, think about something else, 9 times out of 10 the answer will suddenly pop into your head. In effect, this process is the same but is taken to a more creative level, not simply retrieving something from the annals of your memory, but processing things so as to churn out something innovative, the essence of human creativity.

Depending on the size of the creative task you have set yourself, the process then involves degrees of patience: the bigger and more complex the issue, the longer it will usually take for the answer to be forthcoming, but there are no hard and fast rules. Some things will flash into consciousness as soon you relax your mind; others will take days, weeks, months or even years perhaps, but if so the level of detail and creativity will certainly be outstanding, perhaps even a quantum leap of human thinking. For most purposes, the period will be very short.

For me, realising that I can just let go and use this process to answer my predicament about the angle and focus to apply to my work and my ebook is enough to trigger, first, that peace of mind I referred to earlier but, then, a sort of creative flow that led to this piece that I am writing now. Most exciting of all is that during the outpouring of this creative flow, the results of which you now see before you, I began to see things from it that touch upon the answer to my problem. It is not all there yet, but in the sudden rush of creativity born of freeing the mind and trusting the process, the answer is already beginning to come through, almost like magic. So this is all that going inward requires; this is the power of what it can produce!

Moving Beyond the Tower of Babel

Words suffice to describe the feelings of most of us for everyday purposes, yet they never suffice for those of us who seek a deeper understanding and fulfilment. They limit the sensations by attempting to define them. This is unfortunate since it will not allow for fluctuations and subtleties that need expression yet cannot find words.

The medium of feelings to communicate sensitively has long been used by ancient cultures but we have lost touch with this innate skill that transcends language barriers; barriers of language both within cultural groups and between them.

The goal of this article is to awaken in some a desire for a return to what was once normal, to what expresses accurately one’s feelings and needs without having to struggle to find suitable words. Once relearned, this skill enlivens the connection between humans and brings the possibility of mutual understanding at a deep level in a way that is not possible with words.

This process I describe for feeling sooner than speaking is communication by telepathy. It takes time and practice to ‘build the muscle’ we all have as our birthright and time is on our side as we slide into a new era and begin to seek understanding as the source of mutual respect and love amongst humans as well as the source of world peace.

In future I will explore some practices one can adopt to begin the process of rebuilding the muscle of this important skill for mankind’s long term growth and survival.

Sleeping Blind

It is for me as if I have hit a brick wall after travelling at some speed and with relish, only to find that the journey had no destination of value and now all the accumulated mileage is meaningless and pointless. It is as abrupt and blinding as that. I can conceive of no way out, as if in a maze that has suddenly closed in on me, crushing my spirit and enthusiasm. It is very strange. My current numbness, born of a blindingly obvious yet neglected need for focus of intent and benefit for all that I am doing, has brought me to a grinding halt that has had me frozen all day, so frozen that till now not even words have been emitted to describe the block on my thinking that even had my blog dry of contribution and understanding. In a rare moment of inability to see the next step, I will just surrender to the now and relax until a new day brings fresh perspective on my dilemma that comes remarkably close to reviving that sense of worthlessness that I had thought surmounted. Beyond my current vision is just one thing, just one glimmer of hope for tomorrow: my faith that the universe always pulls me through, no matter what it is. That I cannot yet see it is of little importance. I shall not waste sleep in anxiety over the dilemma; instead I look forward to whatever tomorrow may bring by way of clarity and focus. I shall sleep blind.

Pulling the Plug on the Impact of a Lie

Allowing the effects of this recent healing about my “worthlessness issue” to slowly unfold, I had a “shower moment” this morning when I realised that not only had I resisted completing any of the five books I have started because of it but also I am afraid that if I put down all the detail, it would become obvious that it is worthless!

In fact, the effects of the lie my ego told myself for decades is far more involved than I make it sound. I have noticed in the last couple of days how I see other people doing different yet somewhat similar things to me and for that they produce considerable detail that scares the living daylight out of me (even repulses me!). It is only this shower moment that got me to see why I felt that way. If I have any chance of making my life purpose come true, I have to transcend this fear and I am aware that as I come out of the healing phase, I will still feel its effects as I slowly adjust to the healing. The first step is the awareness, the identification of the issue. Then one can choose being something else rather than fearful.

It is my passionate desire to ignite in others the many wonders that lie within us all. To do that I cannot expect to act alone and I must be able to express it clearly and in detail if I am to reach more than a few hundred people - I say that because I am fine with handling things intuitively “one-on-one” but that severely limits the effectiveness and reach of my work.

I know that for me the one thing that always works is to forget myself and my fears and to plough ahead regardless, simply trusting that when I connect with the universe and write from the heart, I always produce something effective that reaches those the universe intends it to reach. I am watching this process with great interest, if also more than a little trepidation, but one thing is for sure, I will not let this continue, no matter what I have to do.

A Healing Revisited - Part 3

How fascinating this healing process has been: much pain, emotion and finally an upset stomach that left me feeling utterly drained today, both literally and energetically, so much so that I had to cancel my last chance for lunch with a friend before she leave for foreign parts tomorrow. and instead I just slept for some 90 minutes.

I felt that, though separate ailments, they were all connected with the same issue in my life and that this might be the closing chapter on the mini saga of my healing. Sure enough, when I woke up I felt so much better and within an hour I was almost back to normal in terms of freshness and energy and also 90% of the pain in my arms had vanished in just a few hours. In fact, I could almost observe myself getting better, so fast was the change. Several hours later, I feel totally reinvigorated and almost back to my very energetic, upbeat self, except with the extra benefits of the healing which I really feel is set to catapult me forward at long last.

Only time will tell but I have been shocked by today's peculiar events and ailments and the rapid change that seems to have brought 5-6 days of sometimes hellish pain to an end. What strikes me is how much easier it was because I went along with the process, even though it was painful, because I understood some of how the body works to help us by releasing pent up negative energy in the form of pain and sickness, pent up energy that otherwise holds us back and even brings long term health problems. It is also trying to tell us what it wrong so that we can make changes for the better. In modern thinking, so much of medicine has neglected this time-honoured understanding and respect for our body and how it works. It is such a pity.

A Healing Revisited - Part 2

Another day dawns and the physical pain is still strong and extremely debilitating as the healing process continues to eject all the pent up negative energy from decades of subconsciously feeling worthless. As I stand back and observe myself undergoing this painful healing, I recognise that I am better off peacefully accepting the process, going with its natural flow, since it is ultimately in my best interests and, after all, nothing last forever.

Then, as I sat here poised to write today’s blog entry, a strong surge of sadness surfaces and I immediately see it for what it is, a deep sadness, the emotional pain of years of feeling worthless and all that it has cost me in life until now. It is quite breathtaking as I feel the buried sadness emerging from the depths of my being and I allow myself to be with the pain, to experience it and no longer deny it, and as I do so I fight back the tears that would otherwise flow, since I am for now in a public place!

However, I welcome this surfacing of hidden emotions (energy) that has been locked deep inside me for so long: I welcome it also for the firm evidence that it constitutes for the effectiveness of the healing process and for the prospect it offers for flourishing at long last in the wake of all the pain both physical and emotional. For this reason, again I say, I would not swap this important if unpleasant experience for anything.

A Healing Revisited

How slippery is the ego on the path to freedom! Just when you think you are getting somewhere, it hits you in the back of the head!

I have looked at myself very closely over the last 7 years or so and I thought I had got to the bottom of something I knew was eating me away yet was slow to reveal itself: I refer to my favourite topic, my worthlessness (don’t cry, please!). So painful was the fear that my ego had hidden the memory of what it came from but I persisted and after two months of enquiry and leaving it to my subconscious to disclose, it finally came home to roost and I saw it in all its pathetic glory...the moment when my father had slapped me for breaking a valuable wedding present when I was aged just three. Being three years old, I drew conclusions that for an adult may seem silly, that “my Daddy doesn’t love me” and “I’m obviously not worth anything because he thinks the valuable gift is more important than me!”. The sad thing is that it is incidents like this that form the basis of who we think we are (our ego or personality), yet they are mere reflections or interpretations of what other people seem to think about us. They are not at all real.

Since this awakening I felt it was “handled” or “healed” but, in fact, I now understand healing at a deeper level and such life-shaping decisions attract negative energy that we store inside our whole self and indeed continue to do so as evidence secretly accumulates within us over the years to “prove we are right”. It is this that I am now dealing with at the next level. Will I shed it completely? I doubt it. Will it have the effect of reducing its impact on my life considerably? Of that, I have no doubt.

That said, where I am at now is that I have woken up to where this childish yet seemingly very real (if buried) fear is impacting my life and holding me back from writing the books that so excite me that I gave up everything to create them! It took the physical manifestation of the fear to awaken me and bring me to this latest healing on my endless journey. Right now it shows up as agonising aches in the arms and neck, so bad that I find I cannot stretch to reach up for even the lightest things - how interesting is it that the manifestation of my fears even shows me that I cannot, with this ailment, hope to reach for the things I aspire to unless I heal it?

My body, relieved at my awakening, slowly allows me to heal but not before using the opportunity to rid itself of the negative energy my poor, long suffering body has endured and stored away like a mischievous squirrel. So it is that I reluctantly embrace the process and go with the flow of the pain until it is gone (with a little help from pain killers when it gets severe!). I await with interest the end of this phase so that I may resume normal life but empowered by this latest letting go or healing. Such is the journey that pain does sometimes ensue in order to release us from the burdens of the past. I may not enjoy it but I would have it no other way.

Out in Nature

Today our trip to visit my partner’s second cousin has brought us out into the country for the first time in many weeks, thus feeding my craving for nature, that source of sustaining energy, energy that feeds my heart and my connection with the universe. Just being among trees, in peace and with clean air lifts me like a refreshing drink or healthy meal. How ever did I manage to live for so long in the choking energy of London, such a large, intense presence that drains sooner than nourishes. Yet for all that, I still love London; I just cannot live there any more.

The much quieter and smaller Chiang Mai has also become too much for me and I cannot wait until we make the leap at last into nature in the relative paradise that is Krabi. That thought sustains me as I slowly address the issues that need resolving before that leap can be made, now just five short weeks away.

As the co-creator of my existence, I do what I can when it feels right but, as for the things that are beyond me to change, I simply make the request of the universe, knowing it will sort things out when the time is right. I can accept that and be at peace or I can fight it and the futility of doing so will cause me stress, which is suffering by another name, suffering that I can choose to experience or not. The choice is mine and mine alone and I choose inner peace.

Ours is Not to Reason Why

"Ours is not to reason why. Ours is but to do and die", Alfred Lord Tennyson.

There are years ahead of me, I hope, in which to fulfil my potential and realise my ambitions. These ambitions are ahead of my like a guiding light or principle and they call upon me to stretch myself and my thinking way beyond what Maitland Kalton, the ego, can contemplate at this time. It lies within us all to do something great, something momentous that is worthy of our precious time on Earth.

That said, until we believe it and identify it, it lies dormant within, perhaps never to be realised and I feel sad when I consider the lost opportunity for each of us as we let life pass us by without thought of what great thing we are here to do. It is usually something surprisingly big and it often lies beyond our conscious awareness.

As for me, I am astounded at what came out when I sat down to write out my main purpose in life, my commitment. At first I fed ideas from conscious thought about helping people find and fulfil their true potential and indeed I do wish to do that but the words sounded a little contrived, so I decided to approach it differently. I engaged the consciousness of my whole self (mind, body and spirit) and then handed over to “it” (me) the task of producing something that is the essence of my purpose, simply transcribing the words as they poured forth. What resulted was almost shocking for me:

“My main commitment and purpose in life is to ignite in mankind a desire for honesty and integrity in all dealings, to unify mankind as a single whole and to being peace to the entire planet”.

Well, there’s an easy task - I think I’ll manage that by lunchtime on Tuesday! In fact I have no idea where these words come from nor how I will do it, though I can see the seeds of it already in what I am now doing, following my heart to a career as a writer.

Of course such grandiose statements are beyond Maitland, the ego, as I have said, but expressed with passion and commitment from the core of my whole being and coupled with undying faith, since anything is possible in life, so then is this too...and so shall it be, since “Ours is not to reason why......” (or how)!

The Co-creators of Life

It is said that we are the co-creators of our life with God, not just observers as it unfolds. That said, we are also sometimes told that it is wrong to desire (at least with attachment), so where lies the boundary between co-creation and pushing against the natural flow of things? Of that I am unsure, even confused. As I let my pen speak freely without forethought from me, what emerges is the following:

You are my fellows in the creation of what you seek for your life. You have the power, with me, to be, do and have whatever you want. I will not hinder you if you will leave me to do my bit in the process in a time frame that suits your needs from my perspective, not yours.

You need to act clearly to show me your desires and your passion for their fulfilment, nothing more. From then, just listen out and feel your way through, doing what feels right in the moment and nothing more. Correct any aberrations from course and stay in touch with me periodically to indicate your continuing desire, but don’t push me, for I will deliver...when the time is right.

Remember, I will facilitate whatever outcome, so do take care in what you wish for, as it may turn around and bite you!

Sneaking in by the Back Door

Awareness of oneself is of paramount importance in life, yet it is not easy with all the distractions of daily living. How easily I fall back into lack of self awareness when something creeps in “by the back door”, unnoticed, and bites me!

I had thought that by following my heart faithfully in everything, I would not be vulnerable to my fears or stray far from my path, yet buried deep inside is that issue, that old chestnut that I thought was under control yet has been there all the time and only brought to light by physical manifestation in bodily pain.

I refer to my ache from within, that burden my soul still seems to carry after all, from an ego-based decision of a hurt little boy whose father had slapped him for breaking a valuable wedding present and had taken that as a sign of being worthless (oh, the simple mind of a 3-year-old!). I have been aware of this issue for several years now and am normally able to notice when I react as if it were true, but in truth I have neglected to notice the many signs in my life of the manifestations from this insidious core fear of mine.

So, it appears that I cannot just surrender to the flow if I is to transcend my past; I have to maintain self awareness too, so the sometimes slippery ego can be monitored and dealt with appropriately. Awake now to where I am not honouring my self worth, I am set to shift my consciousness away from that old fear. Thank goodness for the awareness expressed through the severe pain my body has suffered in the past two days as it steps up its complaint to shout to me about the burdens I carry and have failed to address despite the prompting of the lesser aches and pains over the past 6 months, leaving me holding onto false beliefs that are so very painful that they are slowly killing me!

Almost in tears with pain before I awoke to the cause, I have had enough of this lie that the ego continues to promulgate: I choose something else that recognises my true worth and the aspirations of my heart and soul.

A Futile Quest for Knowledge

It is great how things pan out when I let nature take its course rather than struggling to bring things into line with my expectation by force. I find I learn more when I am free of the burden of the need to control things in my life: I observe more and feel less pain.

I know many things about life, but they pale into insignificance compared with all there is to know yet that is where I often reside, seeking to know above all else, whereas know is so much less powerful than feeling....feeling how to go about my daily life to best effect. In knowing, I seek to control the uncontrollable; in feeling, I have access to an inner knowing of unlimited power and through that I guide myself beyond my limits to live truly, fulfilled and happy.

And it is this to which I surrender yet again as I struggle to deal with so many forthcoming changes arising from our move to a whole new life in Krabi. In so doing I allow inner peace to creep back in and take over from the pain of my mind troubled by its futile attempt to take control.

A Mirror of True Beauty

As I sat down to write this piece, an old friend and her search for elusive happiness came to mind. Last night I had shared with her some of my own experiences since we last met several years ago and how important gratitude has been in bringing me to a state of happiness now, regardless of circumstances. What then sprung to mind was the intense beauty that lies within us all and, as I was present to that, I felt tears welling up as I was filled with a mixture of sadness and joy: sadness for my friend whose beauty is obscured, lost to her view, yet she is such a deeply caring person, bursting with love and playfulness as her fears stall happiness in the moment and lead to frustration and deny her just rewards; joy too as I contemplated her potential, her true beauty and also the role I am sometimes blessed to play in holding a mirror up for those who cannot yet see themselves in all their glory. Can there be any better job in the world than this, I wonder.

Rejuvenation

Each season has its place in the order of things, hot, cold or otherwise, such is the perfection of nature; so it is that as we go through the seasons of life, everything is also perfect, if we could but see it for what it is. As I lament this ache or that wrinkle, I remind myself that nothing is wrong and in that acceptance is a beautiful presence and gratitude, a peace of mind that is ironically more rejuvenating than any cream or potion can ever be.

Inner War and Peace

Pre-requisite for handling every situation in life is an ability to be centred and focused so that the correct solution is soon forthcoming and not blocked by fears and doubts that cloud the mind. To settle internal ‘disputes’, those imbalances within one’s whole self, is essential in this process: where internal war rages, peace is unknown and inconceivable and centredness goes out of the window.

By “war”, I am referring to the state of imbalance between the often conflicting needs of each and every part of us, mind body and spirit. When one or more parts run amok, regardless of the others, chaos reigns and pain ensues, unsettled and even on the rampage, we almost feel out of control. Taking back control in fair fashion first requires that we notice: noticing is the process of becoming aware that we are out of sorts, in other words, in a state of imbalance: the worse the feeling, the greater the chance that there is all out internal war!

Secondly, it requires identification: that is, the process of identifying what parts of our whole self are on the rampage or in revolt; it may be one part or it may be more and, indeed, the worse the crisis or discomfort, the more likely it is that the war involves more than one disgruntled part. For me, that part is usually the ever-fearful ego, though today an angry inner child has added his cries in the wake of more legal work which he fears will always be needed to make a living.

Once identified, the third step is to adopt diplomatic skills to bring the war to an end, addressing each part that is in revolt and hearing what it has to say, asking it what is wrong that it is so out of balance with the rest of one’s self. Listen and it will be told: you already know deep down so it merely has to surface to the conscious mind. Then find ways to reassure it, to negotiate with it to fulfil its needs and placate its anger and provide it with hope enough to allow it to accept your invitation to cease its sometimes selfish revolt and restore balance with the other parts.

So this is what I did today when, still feeling somewhat down about my apparent lack of success in getting myself known online: the ego had become afraid I might not ever succeed, fearful of my not being up to the task, of not being special enough to stand out in such an enormous online crowd. When I asked that part of me whether it acknowledged that with patience and persistence I had always come through in the past, it conceded that it had (I heard a feint “yes”!) and as I asked it to “back off” and restore balance, I felt somewhat better immediately.

But there was more and I knew it: it was the little me aged about 8, the inner child still angry at decades of denial of its dreams in favour of a life to prove my worth to the world as a lawyer, in revolt over the most recent spate of much needed income-producing work yesterday that, far from pleasing him, had made him angry and fearful that it would always be the same. So I took him too “aside” and reiterated my promise to follow our heart and do what I have always dreamed of and pointed to the forthcoming move as evidence of that commitment. Once accepted, i asked for his support in doing the remaining legal work today as well as I possibly can and in good heart for the sake of the loyal client who deserves the best from us and our self respect. Then, as quickly as the ego had signed its treaty of inner peace, so did my inner child, and harmony thereby restored, I felt a huge burden lift from my shoulders and calm returned, ready for the day ahead.

Fascinating: from near depression to healthy balance in just minutes and by diplomatic means, not a drug in sight! This relatively new method of mine really works!

Dwelling in the House of the Lord

As I go about my day I sometimes get lost in activity, in things to do or say, and I then forget the source of my true happiness, the One, the eternal Father, the universal consciousness. When I do so, I wander from the path, straying from joy and confident knowing into the confusing complexities of life that can at times then drag me down. Yet when I bring my attention gently back to the One, I feel peace flooding in and balance is restored.

I realise I went through months of regular connection with the One (by bringing my awareness to it) that lifted my spirit powerfully beyond “me”, or rather the ego born of a million scars that vanish in the light of the connection. So, I see that I have been neglecting my discipline of regular awareness throughout the day and as a result have felt disconnected, uninspired and even stressed more than I have in quite a long while.

In fact, it was in reading a superb personal account of day to day spirituality by a new online friend, Jyoti Sondhi*, that I realised why I have been feeling somewhat flat and not at all my usual, resilient and positive self. In it she speaks of the need for regular connection in daily life to empower us to live our life to best effect. Her words have served me well as they will bring me back on track.

I once tried to maintain the discipline of connection by alarm reminders but it was annoying and rigid. Practicing awareness of connection takes time to assimilate into daily life and is better done patiently and naturally, I feel. So, today I am resuming my conscious practice, not forcing anything, just seeing where it takes me. I live my life ‘feeling’ my way through it, going with the flow, something I still do, but this practice of awareness of the One takes it to another level entirely and effectively ‘supercharges’ my life whilst also bringing inner peace and happiness.

Quite why I have let it slip with such obvious benefits in keeping to it, I don’t know...or may be I do: perhaps it is a result of the recent excitement over my forthcoming move to that tropical paradise in Krabi that, with the neglect in connection has given way to concerns, taking away all the joy in what is the most important step I have taken in at least two years and possibly in my whole life. No need to dwell on the doubts and fears: sooner “dwell in the house of the Lord” by my regular connection...and that is precisely what I will now do.

* Jyoti Sondhi’s excellent blog is called “Awakening” .

Triumphant Arch

There is an arch I know, an arch that stretches the mind by its very elasticity and strength. It superimposes itself on the mind of anyone its finds asking for its wisdom and power. This arch is neat, unobtrusive and easily built, for it exists in the heart yet enhances the entire body by its caring reach across the whole self, the persona included.

This arch has existed for all time and transcends everything. It superimposes itself upon anything when it is sought to do so and, once engaged, it will never lose it hold. It is a beautiful yet invisible construct, made of the finer things of life; love, compassion and mercy. Stretched across your heart, it will both guide and protect you. It knows no limits, for it has none itself. It stretches you as you stretch yourself and reach out beyond your perceived limits, bursting forth courageously yet ever supported by its ever-presence, this arch of love.

Consign yourself to love* and the arch will be your hidden strength in all circumstances, your shield and your sword that none other can vanquish.

* Soon after my own “known world” fell apart in 2003 (when I lost my business and two homes) I made two important, life-changing commitments: first to have the best life I possibly can, leaving no stone unturned in order to do so; secondly, to stand for love in the world, something I now see (with hindsight after awakening faith int he universe) was a commitment to serve the universe (or “God’/Allah”) since it is love: love is, after all, the only true power in the world and trumps all that is not real, the powers born of force, fear and greed.

The Only True Safety and Comfort There Is

Such is the infinite beauty and challenge of life that I forego comfort and safety in favour of something altogether more exciting and fulfilling. That something is in fact a myriad different experiences that I may choose along the way, things that expand who I am beyond “known” limits first perceived before I became whole again.

I am truly thrilled by life and the opportunities that now lie ahead of me; scared a little too, as I am only human after all. Nevertheless, I would swap nothing for comfort and safety that is an illusion anyway and a waste of opportunity for growth. Play small, play safe; play big, live life to the full. True happiness can never come from the dark corner in which we hide but from the freedom of the heart expressed with infinite openness and lack of restraint.

My only true safety net is the ever-present love and protection of the universal consciousness which feels ever closer and stronger as I bravely follow my heart to freedom. In moments of fear and doubt, my solace comes to me when I recall that love and protection, its undying support and encouragement, that rock of love offered unconditionally to me and anyone else who would follow its guidance through the heart. Once I am present to its infinite power, fear just melts away and I am at peace once more, enlivened by anticipation of what is to come.

Practical footnote: I have gleaned from repeated experience that, though fears may surface from time to time (which is better and easier to deal with than the alternatives of being buried or, worse still, denied), the simple answer is to stop thinking about anything you cannot change and to hand it over to the universe to deal with and to think instead of the sheer enormity of the universal consciousness, its infinite power, intelligence and love. I sometimes do this by remembering those wonderful photographs of deep space taken by the Hubble Telescope and the incredible, unimaginable vastness of space and the universe and how, despite my relative insignificance in that context, it always cares and provides for me.

Boat to Paradise, Shaken, not Stirred

When my boat to paradise is left a little shaken by doubting words from a good and caring friend who does not understand the journey I am on, it finds peace again by entering the universal haven, the rock pool that is love, the infinite love and protection of the universe which is available any time, any where for those who seek peace of mind.

Entrusting myself to its care and following its constant guidance, my boat to paradise is once more secure and moving forward in the chosen direction, the folly of doubt clear and apparent in the face of certainty, that inner knowing in the wake of which peace of mind is automatically restored.

In truth, the shaking of the boat is only possible where I harbour doubt which, if not named and owned, will gnaw away silently and hidden from view until it is too late and the boat sinks altogether. Owned and appreciated for its intention yet superseded, its unreal power loses its hold on me and then sinks like a dark demon that hopelessly clings to tiny log in the wake and wash of that all powerful vessel, the universal Light.

From River to Ocean Bound

Life is an enigma for us all at times, an unknown quantity as it slowly unfurls and hopefully reveals a path of fulfilment and satisfaction. I don’t know what my life will bring and I don’t want to know: the joy emerges from the surprises, the turns this way and that, meandering peacefully as a sluggish river makes its way to the sea. And it is there that one reaches real depths, akin to rebirth, as one takes on bold new endeavours in the faith that in so doing my fulfilment will one day be complete and that, as I return “home” to another world, I may look back with joy and without regret.

I feel as though I have, by my meanderings, now reached open sea, with all the freedom and power it implies, and now my course leads me internationally, fulfilling an expectation from youth that until recently had been denied to me by life’s twists and turns. The promised journey now holds hope and promise like never before and blossoms like a dormant flower of infinite beauty which only now becomes apparent in all its glory. It seems it is never too late to find inner peace and happiness!

Seeking a Rock Pool in Life

“Let it be OK”, I think as waves of thoughts alight upon the shore of my conscious mind and as they do so I gently let them ebb like the summer tide, preferring the quieter waters of the rock pool that remain calm in all but the most extreme circumstances.

So it is in my life that I now choose calm over turmoil and drama and, in so doing, the dangers subside and I am free to enjoy each moment. As I let go of thoughts, lingering fears and doubt, peace is restored and I am unburdened once again.

How I wish I could have learned this in youth when, plagued by doubts and lack of self esteem, my busy mind raced and usually found rough seas and almost never found the haven of that sacred rock pool.

Buoyed by my ability to seek refuge at the drop of a hat, I have access to inner peace for the asking, without the need even for meditation often, nor for external relaxants such as alcohol: it is there, on demand, time after time.

This is how I always dreamed life could be - dreamed perhaps but I never really believed it could become reality. Life is such a wonderful Pandora’s Box of experiences in which even the bad moments contribute to your ultimate overall good.

I am blessed indeed!

Resisting the Tree of Knowledge

I had a very short and concise lecture from the universe at the temple today. It said that my need to understand everything was holding me back because the need to understand is driven by the ego, fearful of being our of control. As such, it inhibits one’s growth as it gets in the way of a purer faith that is not only faith and trust but also knows anyway that all is in order. Put simply, it either feels right or it doesn’t.

So the advice was simple: let go of this need to know and understand and from it will follow faster progress on my journey. And the irony is that in doing so, I will be given the knowledge eventually anyway since an awareness or knowing will just come to me without me having to struggle with it (as thoughts that just pop into my mind one day, as indeed I have experienced many times in the past).

In essence, this is another aspect of letting go and going with the flow rather than planning, knowing, controlling everything in our world in the futile attempt to control things we can never control. However, such is the nature of man that it finds it hard to resist the need to know or, as the Christian Bible puts it, to take a bite of the apple from the tree of knowledge. It is thus the verification of that same “sin”*, the need for knowledge, as in that biblical story. Fascinating: I do so love this journey of self discovery!


*I should point out at this point that I don’t believe in original sin or indeed in “sin” but rather in thoughts and acts that have a positive or negative energy and a karmic response for them (cause and effect by another name).

The Path to the Right Answer

When again I feel the gentle warmth and peace of God’s energy passing through me, I glow with delight, a gentle smile betraying my inner feelings, and I put pen to paper, again blessed by good music to oil the cogs of the creative machine. “Where will it lead today?”, I wonder, another piece of intrigue like yesterday or something less mysterious and more mundane? It doesn’t matter, there are no rules, just freedom; freedom to be, do and have whatever I want, moment by moment. Indeed, that is my test for action - does it feel right now? - supplemented by trusting in the process and letting go now that the pace of activity in my life is stepping up, since it would be easy to let myself drown in a vast ocean of thoughts and ideas, not to mention the fears and doubts that emerge from the deep when I allow myself become inundated with activity.

So, as my mind rushes to control by trying to map out and understand everything, which immediately begins to make me feel overwhelmed, I consciously step back, preferring to allow the awesome power of the subconscious or superconscious mind to handle such complex tasks which then directs me through feelings...feeling my way forward one step at a time without thinking about what lies ahead, thus avoiding stress and ensuring the most efficient path forward in all the areas of my suddenly busy life: the move to Krabi, my daily blog, my new ebook and my new video series, not to mention the myriad mundane chores of my typical day.

Handled this way, my otherwise racing mind is tamed and able to save precious energy reserves and keep my body well, in addition to completing tasks with the maximum of efficiency and efficacy. I find it very powerful now that I can let go in this way and just “go with the flow”. In fact, it is this very topic that is the subject of my new ebook, the all-important and anchoring title for which came to me just yesterday and led to a short burst of creativity late last night: “The Right Answer...How to make the right choices for YOU time after time”.

This guiding method to daily effective daily decision-making has proved a potent source of happiness and inner peace in my life, as well as taking me forward in leaps and bounds in the direction of my path to the fulfilment of my major dreams in life, so now the time has come to share it with anyone who is willing to listen and wants to enjoy similar benefits in their life.

The Pattern of Life

There is a pattern to life, one that stretches the imagination by its very complex nature. It is this that is behind everything. This pattern is unique: it explains everything that is and yet is so complex that the mind of man cannot expand enough to absorb its complexity.

It is a colourful pattern, full of many wonderful things, things that are an infinite enhancement upon any notion of beauty you can conceive. There is no limit to its beauty in fact. It is the perfection of beauty called “love”, true love, and it is everywhere. It is the pattern and all else is illusion, less pretty and sometimes even ugly. Yet all is well with the universe. It is complete.

There is nothing more to say on the subject other than that life mirrors this pattern for those who seek its truth and in its perfection nothing is wrong. Let it all go and be happy in the space of beauty that you then create for yourself, for such is the illusion of life that its expression finds light once more and nothing can then deprive you of that light and all is well.

God’s Pot of Gold

There’s little in the world that lifts my spirit more than a breath-taking view or Pachelbel’s Canon in D Major, except perhaps for those special moments with God (the universe), those moments when I feel its love and trust and its caring, protective arms around me. With Pachelbel still reverberating inspiringly in my ears as I write and present to God’s love, I find tears welling up and I am reminded of the decades when I was in denial of its existence and lost to its gifts.

I used to dismiss the divinity as a creation of the mind by unhappy souls looking for comfort, particularly as life drew to a close! I have heard it said so often, yet now I see the folly in it, because God is just there, whether one believes in it or not, no need for it to prove itself to anyone. It just is.

There’s no point in regretting the past when God was a stranger to me: it was what it was and all points lead to now. I am just so grateful for having had my blinds removed for me so that I may see the Truth ... with new eyes that see fresh, vivid colours in everything: the music reaching deeper into my heart, the scenic beauty leaving me that much more bowled over, the daily existence bringing me more and more joy and satisfaction.

So this is God’s pot of gold at the end of the rainbow!

Overwhelm

So much has arisen in the past five days that it has left me in somewhat of a spin with so much new information to assimilate and process, so many things to do to prepare for our move. I find the best way to handle the situation is first to let go and stop thinking of all the things to sort out, not to mention the minor issue of manifesting all the money it will entail! The latter issue I park, since I am assured that all will be provided for and, deep down, I know it is so, that sort of inner knowing not born of knowledge so much as absolute faith since it feels right for us and other things are slowly but surely coming together, so why worry about what is not yet visible to me?

I think this sense of overwhelm is more of a reaction to just how many things need sorting or deciding, not only for the move but also for the business opportunities I am to market and create. It just takes a little mental discipline to drop the thoughts, take a deep breath and ask myself, “What now? What feels right for me to do next?”

It again reminds me how to eat an elephant!...One mouthful at a time. It feels as though I have barely begun this particular feast but it will all happen so fast and soon we will be unlocking the door to our beautiful new home in paradise....I feel better already!

Some Dreams Realised Through a Single Thought

What started out as a passing thought just a few days ago is fast unfolding to reveal itself as the answer to my prayers, the fulfilment of my dreams. As the days have passed since deciding to move to Krabi, more and more is slowly being revealed to me through a rich mixture of thoughts, ideas, feelings and even intuitive insights from friends into what I have told them.

It was in one such encounter last night with a friend by email initially that I was shown that I would receive paying guests at our new home on special “one-on-one” retreats, though the first thought on this came as an idea to have paying guests generally until my friend independently told me what she had seen when I first mentioned the move to her, unaware of my idea. This independent verification and expansion of a thought (which I had previously rejected as not being quite right) seemed to fit perfectly or, put another way, it felt right.

This latest revelation is so exciting, the culmination of so much of the sometimes challenging, sometimes strange, journey since I first arrived in Thailand over two years ago. It brings together my aspirations as expressed in the strap line commitment of Sanitara (my business brand), “things that lift the spirit”, as well as providing the means to have some of my material aspirations or dreams come true; a beautiful home in an area of great natural beauty and, also eventually, a new car. It is all so perfect, so much coming out of just one thought, that we could live in Krabi for an unspecified period.

And, as if to remind me of the universe ‘s promise to deliver upon all my requests in the fullness of time, I look at my collection of photos on my door showing images of my requests and I saw that one is a beautiful beach scene in Krabi! I was a little shocked to realise that yet again a picture could now be removed and clear space for others in expansion of my life and experiences. How thew universe has excelled itself in bringing me even more than I asked for. in ways only it can know will make my heart sing.

So immense is the forthcoming change of lifestyle, so intense the feelings of joy and hope they inspire within me, that I have to postpone looking at it all closely to all my heart to quieten and have it all sink in, my subconscious mind processing everything behind the scenes until I am ready to look at it further and build on the foundations of what I have already gleaned.

So it is that I start my day by sharing this amazing development with readers and then I will edit and prepare the third and final video on the subject of forgiveness before I even attempt to look further at the exciting things that lie ahead of me in Krabi.

So it is from a centred space I have created for myself today that I close this news that carries such powerful hope, hope for me and for others who choose to take on their life and “live it to the max”.

Following my Heart to Paradise

It is always hard for me to get used to new lifestyles and, having now settled relatively well in Chiang Mai, I am being asked to move on in the interests of happiness and fulfilment in my work. It is indeed a strange thing that occupies little time in practice but much though as I slowly grow accustomed to the idea of the move and all that it will entail. Above all, I feel blessed to be going somewhere so beautiful, so idyllic, so peaceful and so serene. Indeed, I could not ask for a better place from which to work on my books, videos and websites.

All of this is so sudden, yet it answers a number of requests of the universe at once: a request for time by the sea for relaxation and writing; a request to live in nature; a request to have a home where we can have friends and family to stay. How beautiful, how complete it all is. I love the sheer perfection in things arranged by the universe: I would probably not have dared contemplate this whole plan, attached as I am to false beliefs that have no real basis, such as that I am meant to be in Chiang Mai (the false assumption arising from the fact that it was the right place to be when I arrived but has now outgrown its role in my personal and spiritual development). Yet as the plan slowly unfolds and reveals more, I see that, in fact, our move will be for more than six months and indeed probably for several years.

Weaned off city life over the last two years, I feel ready for this move, if not positively hungry for it. Now the time has come to enjoy my life as an expression of who I really am, in nature where I belong and feel at home, surrounded by reminders of the beauty on Earth in a place where nature has largely been preserved in the face of that vile global disease of the late Twentieth Century, tourism! Krabi can be likened to a paradise that won my heart when I first stumbled upon it 13 years ago, relatively unknown as it was then and almost deserted in the late rainy season.

Though still some seven weeks away, the awareness of the move and what it will bring to me causes one of those rare, momentary flashes of super-connection with the universe, leaving in it wake a blissful state and an awareness of just how great life can be when I follow my heart as my guide to life. Nothing, no material temptation or otherwise, could lead me away from this potent way of living.

Nomadic Freedom

In the space created by me for peaceful reflection to allow me to write today’s entry, I feel at home: it is familiar here, if a little dull and also comfortable as a result. I will soon, however, face a complete change of environment following yesterday’s decision to uproot ourselves and move south to Krabi for six months to allow me to indulge my passion for nature and the sea. I have wanted to spend time there for some time but had a short holiday in mind, feeling the natural beauty of the area would enhance my work through increased connection with nature and the One, allowing me, in turn, to maximise my potential in my writings and in developing videos and my new website whilst also recharging my somewhat depleted batteries.

So, when I saw that since I am without ties and am therefore able to make this nomadic styled move for a while, it excited me enormously at first, but as it sank in. I began to worry about details, about how to make it happen: where would resources come from and how would I move so far? These thoughts haunted me as a result, so the joyful gratitude slowly gave way to fear and doubt once more, especially at night until I let the thoughts go and instead brought the universe to mind to soothe my doubts and fears by my faith in its protective and supportive benevolence.

The answer lies in faith for everything in fact, for all will be well as it always is, and that I am as yet denied insight into how to do it will all pan out is not important when I fall back on trusting God to provide answers to everything since it is currently beyond me to see it. Stressing over that inability to control circumstances is merely the machinations of an ever-fearful ego.

Only in surrendering myself to the universe can peace of mind resume, accompanied by the ever-important patience of course, as things slowly unfold, not driven by me but by the universal consciousness in its own time, not mine! And then, sat here writing this piece, after an unsettling conversation with my partner, another hurdle is resolved by a friend who provides ideas for transport as well as offering to store a large mattress which would not fit in a pickup truck, this seemingly small detail having bothered my over busy mind far too much overnight, clouding the happiness at this amazing opportunity to enjoy myself and to write to my heart’s content in at atmosphere that is, for me, akin to paradise. What a waste of energy. Enough! I know better and so surrender wholeheartedly, for the alternative is so unattractive and utterly unhelpful. Everything will be handled in the fullness of time, just as all my experience since I arrived in Thailand has shown it always is.

Futile Challenges to the Inevitable

Stony paths end as does any trail and the awareness that it is so can soothe the suffering flesh in times of hardship. As time goes by, things always change, sometimes for better, sometimes for worse, so staying the same is not possible despite all illusions to the contrary. When we can accept this and just go with the flow, it becomes effortless and painless; when we fight it, we resist and resistance brings pain and suffering.

Accept the inevitable and move on with grace, for you will be blessed with peace of mind and an interesting array of often pleasurable experiences. Resist and all potential for enjoyment is gone, yet nothing can prevent its impact, so why resist when it is so utterly futile? It makes no sense, yet so many of us do so nearly all the time. What a pitiful waste of energy and opportunity!

As I write these words, I see in them a reminder for me, for accepting the course of events in my business including the probably long time frame before its potential is to be fully realised, for doing what feels right in the meantime to the best of my ability and and for leaving the rest in the hands of the universe, for it knows best and only it can see the bigger picture always, for when we purport to fight the inevitable, we are in reality attempting to challenge the universal consciousness and doubt its loving counsel and guidance. Put that way, it does seem rather silly! So now you see why I rarely fight and, when I do, why I surrender quickly!

Avoiding the Dark Abyss of Failure

I watch as businesses here in Chiang Mai come and go with alarming speed and regularity. I am used to the UK and its high small business failure rate which is startling enough yet pales into insignificance to what happens here where they seem to have little or no staying power, often lasting just one to three months. As an outsider, it seems they have little sense of design, of branding and of marketing skills and above all they have no real commitment to making it work. They seem to get an idea; they think it can make some money and they set it up with little or no funding or reserves or idea how to distinguish themselves in the market place, preferring instead often to just copying others they think are making money with the same thing. Hardly an environment of courage and innovation or what we would call “entrepreneurship”.

Of course, there are exceptions, the ones that prove the rule, but remarkably few in fact. Sometimes I feel like shaking them to wake them up: though I had my big failure in life, I took it to quite a good level and it lasted nearly 20 years, so I did something right some of the time at least! I feel sorry for them yet they do it over and over again it seems.

As my awareness of this issue reaches a peak, I am made aware of the staying power I will need for my own business which will probably take years rather than months to really succeed and see the rewards for what will certainly be substantial efforts in the interim. It is funny how this issue has shown up for me, highlighting the awareness that without staying power and patience born of faith and commitment, my business would otherwise follow the example of so many here and fall into an uninspiring, uncommitted abyss, forever swallowed up by the darkness of failure.

So it is that this awareness sharpens my focus as well as that all-important commitment, cushioned by faith and an all-providing universal consciousness, increasing the sense of dedication and the prospects for ultimate long term success. This project of mine expresses me, my love of writing and of making a difference to people. It will allow me to reach millions of people eventually, truly my heart’s desire. So, tenacity will not be difficult as long as I remember to maintain my connection with the universal consciousness throughout, thereby feeding me content as well as nurturing me and satisfying my material and emotional needs. As such, with a large dose of patience, I believe success will be mine!

A Lecture on Oneness versus Separation

(written in random flow and addressed to me and every reader)

We are at one, you and me, at one with each other and everything. I tell you this because you are forgetting the oneness in everything when you tell yourself you are at odds with anything, for this being at odds is itself a denial of oneness on one level, a simple aberration led by worldly doubts and opinions. If you rise above yourself for a minute, you will see yourself, like others, struggling to come to terms with life and its challenges and therefore unaware of the greater whole that is everything, united, never divided, indeed indivisible in true form yet separate in one’s mind only.

It is this separation that marks mankind aside from other apparently lesser creatures, this awareness of uniqueness or division that holds one apart from everything else in mind alone, for all else is commonplace and essentially uniform save for minor variations that really do not matter.

I am amused by your illusion as it plays out and unfolds, like a fancy carpet decorating an otherwise plain room. If you could but see it as I do, you would understand why there is no real purpose or gain to being separate aside from the experience itself, since without the illusion of separation, we would all experience the same thing for eternity.

Now armed with this level of awareness, see the folly in wasting time or energy lamenting anything. Experience what you can and enjoy the lesson. There is nothing more to it than that.

A Change in the Norm

I get involved in some amazing little escapades really, from simple things like a trip to see how things in nature unfold and how we are blessed by its presence around us to great things like adventures in self exploration that are sometimes pioneering and bold. I am lucky to be able to enjoy and partake in such things, liberated from a mundane existence by circumstances the pain of which was intense yet ultimately beneficial in the extreme.

Without those circumstances, where would I now be? ...in some office, churning out legal work until I retire, paying off a mortgage and lamenting the fact that there are no more public holidays until Christmas? Gosh, it’s too painful to contemplate, yet useful to be reminded of when the otherwise sweet alternative that I am blessed to live is undergoing a challenging phase, because then I can resuscitate gratitude and the inner peace and great patience that comes with it.

The thing about this journey is that I am usually happy, but not always: when impatience kicks in, it tends to trigger fears and doubts which, if unchecked, can send me on somewhat of a downward spiral. However, I usually notice such things early on and, even if I don’t, rescue is usually quick and almost invariably stems from connecting with the God force within and handing things back over to it, peace emerging in place of turmoil when I feel the love and trust resume.

Rarely does this last more than an hour: compared with how, for many, bad periods can involve days, weeks, months or even years, that is really quite something. I am blessed...blessed to have committed to having the best life I possibly can and to serving the God force and all it asks of me, for in that came a turbo-charged personal growth and awareness that is behind most of my happier moments and the new norm of inner peace.

A Flight of Fantasy Born of Reality

What is it about life that so soothes the spirit when, for the first time, we encounter peace? Why is it so strange and unfamiliar when we venture forth beyond the known territory of life’s traumas and speculations into a new realm of inner happiness, free from pain and struggle? That it is so is certain, supported by the range of years of forgotten turmoil that comes flooding back to mind when summonsed to do so. Yet they are better left where they are, lest once more they raise their ugly head and deprive me of what I have come to know and love: peace of mind and the freedom to pursue my heart’s desires.

What can I elicit from this? That though I don’t have all the answers, life is a wonderful adventure, a challenge for personal growth, and that if we let it play out fully and rise to the occasion, we learn so much and often through pain can find happiness and contentment like never before.

And as I lose myself to the mood of the moment and the joyous sounds of Pachelbel’s superb and uplifting Canon in D, I close my eyes and the ecstasy of the moment turns into a beautiful flight of fantasy as I imagine and feel myself falling like a leaf in a forest clearing and then soaring in the firm but gentle breeze that lifts me as I twist and turn, dancing in nature and bathed in sunlight, the heavenly music lifting my soul, picking me up as I fall and rising to fresh heights of bliss once more.

And it then occurs to me that that the fantasy is a colourful illustration of the joys of the journey of life and how it can bring us freedom akin to Heaven on Earth. How superb that my mind, freed by the moment and the music, painted this vivid symbol of how life can be when we simply go with the flow of life’s breezes instead of fearfully clinging on for dear life and in so doing deprive ourselves of the hope for life, its true purpose.