Sneaking in by the Back Door

Awareness of oneself is of paramount importance in life, yet it is not easy with all the distractions of daily living. How easily I fall back into lack of self awareness when something creeps in “by the back door”, unnoticed, and bites me!

I had thought that by following my heart faithfully in everything, I would not be vulnerable to my fears or stray far from my path, yet buried deep inside is that issue, that old chestnut that I thought was under control yet has been there all the time and only brought to light by physical manifestation in bodily pain.

I refer to my ache from within, that burden my soul still seems to carry after all, from an ego-based decision of a hurt little boy whose father had slapped him for breaking a valuable wedding present and had taken that as a sign of being worthless (oh, the simple mind of a 3-year-old!). I have been aware of this issue for several years now and am normally able to notice when I react as if it were true, but in truth I have neglected to notice the many signs in my life of the manifestations from this insidious core fear of mine.

So, it appears that I cannot just surrender to the flow if I is to transcend my past; I have to maintain self awareness too, so the sometimes slippery ego can be monitored and dealt with appropriately. Awake now to where I am not honouring my self worth, I am set to shift my consciousness away from that old fear. Thank goodness for the awareness expressed through the severe pain my body has suffered in the past two days as it steps up its complaint to shout to me about the burdens I carry and have failed to address despite the prompting of the lesser aches and pains over the past 6 months, leaving me holding onto false beliefs that are so very painful that they are slowly killing me!

Almost in tears with pain before I awoke to the cause, I have had enough of this lie that the ego continues to promulgate: I choose something else that recognises my true worth and the aspirations of my heart and soul.