Allowing the effects of this recent healing about my “worthlessness issue” to slowly unfold, I had a “shower moment” this morning when I realised that not only had I resisted completing any of the five books I have started because of it but also I am afraid that if I put down all the detail, it would become obvious that it is worthless!
In fact, the effects of the lie my ego told myself for decades is far more involved than I make it sound. I have noticed in the last couple of days how I see other people doing different yet somewhat similar things to me and for that they produce considerable detail that scares the living daylight out of me (even repulses me!). It is only this shower moment that got me to see why I felt that way. If I have any chance of making my life purpose come true, I have to transcend this fear and I am aware that as I come out of the healing phase, I will still feel its effects as I slowly adjust to the healing. The first step is the awareness, the identification of the issue. Then one can choose being something else rather than fearful.
It is my passionate desire to ignite in others the many wonders that lie within us all. To do that I cannot expect to act alone and I must be able to express it clearly and in detail if I am to reach more than a few hundred people - I say that because I am fine with handling things intuitively “one-on-one” but that severely limits the effectiveness and reach of my work.
I know that for me the one thing that always works is to forget myself and my fears and to plough ahead regardless, simply trusting that when I connect with the universe and write from the heart, I always produce something effective that reaches those the universe intends it to reach. I am watching this process with great interest, if also more than a little trepidation, but one thing is for sure, I will not let this continue, no matter what I have to do.
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