A New Year's Eve Ramble

Once again, a blank sheet before me and nowhere to go, no goal to achieve, no purpose in mind other than the free expression of my true self pouring onto the page before me uncontrolled and with heart-felt passion. So where will you lead me today my lovely inner self, what truths will unfold of the lies untold till now? Will you be mine, true and unlimited or will you withhold yourself until another time and thereby deny your power and grace to all, unseen, hidden, denied, a fraud on the self?

No, I will venture forth and discover what there is to know today, what beauty of revelation exists in simple flow, in letting go of the self in favour of the divine inner me, my own alma mater, my one true friend, myself. Spill it out, spew forth the regurgitated thoughts until they are new and fresh and reborn of I know not what, but reborn they will be anyway, will no end in sight, no purpose, just the quintessentially aimless ramblings of a futile mind and body surrendering to the soul once more.

So, here I am. Take me...for what I am and who I am and be me, the child of a flawless universe, the son of mankind and father of all things, the internal paradox in everything. I am me, all, everything, yet nothing in a vast existence beyond the stars and beyond even the realms of love. Floating aimlessly allows me to see the stars, the world, the universe, the coils sprung deep within life bursting forth in existence that is but transitory, a magical journey as if on drugs but in my case no drug is necessary as I shun pure rigid existence and instead flow within and without, weaving the tapestry of life, neither moaning nor screaming with joy, for in this state there is no point in either state of being, just so, heaven in a state of being beyond feelings, awareness as an observer and nothing more, yet so it is I know myself to be part of the divine order and in surrender to it I am more than I can ever be alone.

So now what...?

Life is Good!

As I caressed the ever-diminishing remains of my “laughing Buddha” styled tummy, I felt a new love and closeness with my body, a strong urge to treat it as it deserves, with love and respect always. So long has it suffered my excesses, stresses and challenges, now is an awakening to the that part of me, the whole me, that has so sorely been neglected at times, the vehicle of this wonderful incarnation.

Then a short time later I took Lucky (my dog) out for a lunchtime walk and as I passed a neighbour a street away, he smiled and exchanged brief pleasantries in typical Thai style and as I left him I pondered the awareness of the loving way he was painting his front porch and painting pots to match. The colour choices would not have been mine but I saw a light form of love and respect for his home.

So, this second dose of loving respect, this time for an external inanimate object, reminded me of the love I had put into preparing a delicious meal for my partner last night and suddenly, amidst the tripartite experiences of honouring oneself and others and other things with loving respect, I felt a surge of bliss, a sense of wonder at life and the consciousness of love and being at one with everything. It all made sense to me, the love starts with oneself, one’s whole self, mind body and spirit and the more one feels it, the more one heals the lack of it, the greater it is.

Life is good!

Don’t Give Things Up, Just Heal

In the strangest, perhaps most challenging of circumstances on several levels, I find myself truly blissful and indeed excited as I notice myself emerging free of bonds that have tied me for decades, bonds of unnecessary weight and regular alcohol consumption.

The traditional approach to such things is to “give things up” and this creates a tension within the whole self, the mind, body and spirit. The reason the weight and regular beers were there in the first place was to protect me from pain, to give me comfort and numb reality that I secretly perceived as deeply painful; secretly to myself as well, as I had no idea how much pain lay buried deep within my subconsciousness as I went about my life, often smiling even int he face of challenges. But now I face a future of real smiles and peace of mind.

I have prayed for several years to be able to be slim again and not to drink every day as I have, pretty much, for the last 30 years or more, not large amounts all that time but every day without fail for more than 25 of those years!

What I was seeking was, in effect, a healing of the issues that had me feel I needed to be this way and only now do I feel ready to shed this shell I wore to protect me from my heartache. It is a wonderful feeling: having done much work to heal myself and with considerable external help from the forces that help if we ask, this realisation that I am ready has been triggered by the detox diet I am undergoing in which I just don’t miss drinking at all and all I care about is healthy, delicious food, things that honour my body and fill it with energy and a lust for life.

The whole point about this is that doing it this way, healing the underlying causes, it is truly effortless and I have no sense of giving anything up - besides which, I have every intention of enjoying the odd glass of wine or beer, etc. I knew that in order to lead life-changing retreats I should be healed and whole to a level that has shed all addictions and here I am, now ready to receive all that I have been asking for.

I finally see that I am ready to step out into the world, free to yet another level, happy in my skin, yet all of this at a time when some aspects of my life are extremely challenging! What an adventure life is!

Itchy Fingers!

So, it seems my fingers are itching to write something; no particular place to go but a strong desire to express myself from my heart and my fingers are listening, even when I am not!

“Why?”, I hear you say. No reason, just a feeling. Feelings have no reasons. They just are. If only we could live in the feelings of what is and just be. How simple and peaceful that would be. No place to get to, no past to lament or future to long for, just now: the beautiful ever-changing patterns on the clouds at dawn as the sun rises and bring new hues on subtle puffs of white to a myriad variations pink, grey and blue, of wondrous art hewn on the fleeting art of the skies.

As I wonder around in this state of awareness I see new buds and shoots rise amid dying and dead branches and leaves, the whole cycle of life before my very eyes in its own glory, without associated fear that usually accompanies the cycle in humans, so often unaware of their part in nature for all it is.

Next, a sound: the shrill whistling of a small group tropical birds as they call to each other and play as the day breaks and beyond, providing a regular chorus that reminds me not only of their presence and their beautiful song but also the immense beauty all around me in my simple tropical paradise.

Then later in the day as heavier clouds form, the forbidding dark grey tones that promise a heavy downfall are both cause for seeking protection but also for delight as the anticipation grows and shortly before the first drops come, a sudden rush of wind to stir things up and beckon the oncoming rains. Then, in a flash, there it comes, pouring down so fast it fills large tubs in minutes and washes away much of the accumulated detritus since the last storm and I watch as the torrential rains bring freshness to all that surrounds me and invigorates me with its electric energy, its passionate embrace of the earth an act of natural love.

By my very presence in being, I see this and not the sourness of grey skies or the ugliness of dead plants. I see life in all its beauty and I am content.

By way of gift, my fingers bring me beyond the many minor woes of my day to a state of gratitude and joy, the source of the woes, a creation of a busy mind looking at what it thinks should be rather than what is, soon swept aside.

Oneness Episodes: True Glimpses of Reality

I have noticed that since I began the very powerful pyramid sessions 7 days ago in which I receive very high frequency energies, I have had the usual feelings of tiredness but also a strange sensation occasionally that I find hard to put into words.

Usually it occurs when napping, just before I nod off. I have often experienced what is presumably the commonplace drifting into sleep when “reality” mixes with dreams but this is different. In that same time slot, perhaps immediately before it, everything is strange, very confusing, like nothing makes sense anymore.

Though I remain unable to express it in words properly, I suddenly saw it for what it is this morning: I am temporarily experiencing a total lifting of the veil of illusion that we call reality and suddenly it is gone. It lasts but a split second but is perhaps a little disconcerting. My first sense was that I was “losing it” but I now realise it is part of the process as I am almost literally re-wired by the high frequency energies that I am receiving.

I actually get the odd even shorter glimpse of it sometimes during the day - not much at all but just the tiniest split second in the middle of doing something. It started with lapses in my ability to connect quickly as I am used to being able to do, having a very quick, mercurial mind as I do, but it developed to this very interesting experience. I wonder where it will lead.

I don’t expect that these episodes will necessarily grow or expand I suspect they are merely symptoms of this process, of this “re-wiring” that I had already been warned would happen and would ultimately result in me seeing the entire nature of this world differently. I have also been told that the process with inculcate a sense of oneness not only at a mental level but at a body level too so again I suspect this is part of it.

The nearest experience I have had to this, on reflection, is very different and occurred 21 years ago after a year of regular meditation (once or twice a day) and involved me walking down the street when suddenly, I had a flash sense that I was just part of everything around me, the garden of the ordinary terraced house that I was passing at the time, just everything. It was a magical moment of oneness that I have never forgotten and kept open the possibility of a universal consciousness (that for shorthand I now sometimes call “God”), though i stopped meditating for 15 years and only when I started again did I suddenly find the strong faith that I now have.

So, strange though this experience is, I think it is wonderful and a sign of major internal shifts in my consciousness as well as my physical being, a move to open oneness consciousness, not merely as a intellectual concept but as an actual experience of “reality”.

Successfully Navigating the Chamber of Demons

Yesterday, I read somewhere a tale about some monks that had to pass through a chamber of demons before getting to the door on the other side that leads into the promised land, the highest state of inner peace. The tale went that monks often went into it never to emerge but when eventually one did so, he was asked how he did it, he said he just kept his eye on the door at all times.

This resonated with me as I pass through that chamber myself and feel the tugging of the demons around me, the demons of doubt and fear. Then later as I shared this with my best friend, I went deeper into the allegory and saw that the best way to live in the most fulfilled and happiest way is to set your sights on that intention without attachment to anything - how it should look and how one should get there - and then just take one step at a time, knowing one will pass through hurdles designed to strengthen us along the way, guided only by what feels right in the moment and NEVER losing sight of the door and ALWAYS following one’s heart.

The only addition to make to this simple way of living is to live in the moment, mindful of that door but present to all that is around you, looking for the good, the benefit in every experience, pleasant or unpleasant, grateful for what each one brings and happy to be on the journey.

With this I don’t need to know what step to take in two steps’ time or whether I will “succeed” - success is in every step, even when we feel we have taken the “wrong one”, for the wrong one never exists as each is perfect to teach us something new. Even persistently “failing” to learn the lesson is simply a set back that will eventually be corrected in this life or another.

So I am reminded to accept today’s challenges with gratitude, to notice my feelings that are unpleasant and know that there us a reason for them surfacing to be released and thereby empower me in the next step of the journey. Do I find this easy? No! Am I committed to this path and this perspective, however? Oh, yes indeed!

Nothing to Do But Wait

There’s nothing to do but wait...wait for my cold to get better, wait for the healing I am undergoing to be completed, wait to see what will come of me and my future, the future to which I have surrendered whilst not really knowing of what it will consist.

So, here I am sat in my “pyramid”, my “intergalactic vehicle for redemption”, to supercharge ‘ad infinitum’ and I am bored, not really tempted by the highly rated if somewhat old film that I have been watching. So, instead I turn to my electronic “pad” and start to scribble the words you are now reading. There’s no place to get to, no goal or end, just wherever they take me, a word-based ramble which is pretty much all I am capable of in this mixture of heat, humidity, fatigue and mucus!

I have become quite a patient man really. I obediently do what I am “told”, guided by words and feelings to do nothing but relax and rest for now. Days have past, perpetually tired but with passing moods that flit in briefly and leave as fast as they came to make room for the next one, the next eradication of past unhappiness from the deep recesses of my ageing mind. Yet, I do not complain too much, remarking on the varying states of being but knowing they are unreal and will soon pass, thereby freeing me of concerns about what it all means. I am therefore at liberty to pursue whatever entertainment I can find.

Now almost recovered from my online addiction to social media, I still peek into it frequently but now leave almost as fast, since I can see how trivial it has all become or is it that something is shifting in me, the petty observations and debates, the meaningless statements and assertions, the occasional conflicts and derisions. It all seems such a waste of time but I search still for something to fill the boredom of this temporary state. But why? Why not be contented with the free time and dwell in the moment rather than on dissatisfaction that has the ‘now’ occur as lonely and boring?

There is no reason, except perhaps for false expectations and disappointments, things I set my mind to that may or may not come to fruition. We shall see. It will slowly be unveiled when the time is right and patience is a virtue I have come to admire greatly. In the meantime, let nature take its course with my cold, my moods and my overall well-being, for tomorrow is another day made better by today’s patient acceptance.

Occupy “For”, Not “Against”

Having seen a friend’s link to a video entitled, “David Icke - Essential Knowledge For A Wall Street Protestor”, I took the time to listen for once. I am not an avid fan of Mr Icke’s, though he speaks a lot of sense at times, but it just felt right to do so and I must say that I very glad that I did, not because it says much I didn’t know already from him and  others but because he succinctly explains what could happen if these valiant, peaceful protests succeed only to be met by the forces behind the current system.

I want to make something very clear: I am not against anything, because being against something is, by definition, negative and I have learned that all negativity breeds more negativity. So, does that mean that we all join hands and sing “Kumbaya” while Rome burns, so to speak? No, decidedly not!

Before I set out what I am for, I want to be clear that there is a distinction between focusing on a negative and beneficial discernment: the former is undesirable since it brings more of the same (negativity) whereas the latter allows us to be aware of what we are up against whilst standing for something positive. It is with discernment in mind that I advocate listening to the video, in order to watch out for ourselves individually and collectively, not to rouse anger and rebellion.

So, what I support is positive evolution of society and mankind by a firm yet peaceful stand for what we want as a collective, not against anything. I stand for:

Power of the individual and the collective
Freedom
Love
Peace
Social justice

And I advocate a stand for this in the face of anything that is less than these things.

I don’t stand for fighting for these things, as that itself is conflict and, therefore, negative. I see a simple image of me stood proudly in public, hand in hand with my fellow humans of equal dedication, saying what we stand for and want and approving only that which meets what we stand for and want and rejecting anything else. Now, once you have seen the video by David Icke, you will see that the protests could indeed be met by solutions that answer the call, solutions that answer stands against certain things. So, for example, to stand up against the banks would appear to be met by greater central regulation and perhaps later a central global bank as anticipated by Mr Icke. Regardless of whether a particular forecast of Mr Icke’s is the actual outcome, it is illustrative of what could happen if we stand against something and not for it.

Instead, we must stand firmly for what we want and what meets those exact broad principles, much as what the founding fathers of the original union of states in North America stood for in the face of the oppression their forebears left behind in Europe. The constitution, before it was tampered with, stood for higher level guiding principles and not for negative controlling laws that have become an ever-increasing mass intelligible only to an elite whose status, often based on manipulation of laws, has lost all public respect.

The simple reality is that we exist and we have power individually and collectively and anything that purports to grants us rights that we have by grace of God (or whatever you choose to call the benevolent universal life force) is a fraud upon the people who have power as a matter of fact: standing firmly but peacefully for what they want can never ultimately be resisted by any self-appointed “authority”. Failure to make such a stand, however, could indeed result in a negative scenario such as the one painted by Mr Icke.

Finally, I say, be not afraid, as fear begets fears; fear begets loss of power; fear empowers those whose values are opposed to what humanity deserves. So, I urge you to beware clarion calls for action against anything and boldly stand for what you want.

A Release from the Prison of Right and Wrong

It’s funny how, even in the most surprising places, there lurk lessons and insights that lift our spirit, if we are open to receiving them. Today, a friend had posted what I would describe as the Facebook equivalent of a greetings card, that is a photo with an inspiring caption. Having thanked her for it, she later posted the following in response:

“With your words I feel good. I feel love. (I may not agree with all :^) )
Bless you bro...♥”

What is interesting is that those simple little words in brackets caught my attention and made me ask myself what she could be referring to, what I may have said in the past that she did not agree with. Being “right” was so important to me that it was a little unsettling but I didn’t let this stop me responding and I just went with the flow and was surprised by what came out:

“Thank you. Take, from anything I or anyone says, whatever feels right for you. What is right for me is not necessarily right for you. But I speak a basic truth. There is a difference between truth and right/wrong. In other words, I do not speak of right or wrong and therefore am not right or wrong. I speak only truth, the truth of the heart. This distinction is important and the right/wrong mentality is one born of a dualistic society run on ego. In that world one must be right or otherwise wrong. I no longer operate by those standards and live only according to my truth, so I am now free of the prison of right and wrong. Hooray! LOL!”

And later I added another follow-up post:

“When I wrote that post and I spoke from my heart without conscious involvement or planning and it just felt good and in my case it truly liberated me from being entrapped by worries about being right or wrong - God knows how trapped lawyers are in that little conundrum! The key thing is to speak from the heart. If we then extrapolate things from the experiences, they are interpretations and those may or may not be accurate but the experience itself cannot be right or wrong, it just IS, as long as the expression of it is words is at least reasonably close to accurate from a heart perspective.”

I find this exchange fascinating, for in it lies the realisation of how much we live in a world of right and wrong and that such a perspective is not real. It assumes things are black and white rather than a wonderful rainbow of truths and a black hole of falsehoods.

The realisation itself, the fresh awareness it brought to me, set me free and all discomfort left me. It also teaches me only to teach by example and leave others to choose those parts that feel right for them and discard the rest; also, to learn by experience and what resonates as right for me rather than what others tells me to think. Imagine if we were taught at school in such an empowering fashion, not filled with someone else’s interpretation of “facts” that become distorted according to the acceptable paradigm of the day: put another way, education is largely a lie, a process of brainwashing people into “acceptable” behaviours and beliefs.

Free of this process, we are at liberty to explore the universe at a whole new level, a level that expresses our true selves and expands it within what feels right for us and not according to what is acceptable to others. Thus the lid comes off the box and we can explode with creativity and confidence in who we are without the need for approval by others. How wonderful would it be for that to become the norm, the way we are trained to be! What wonders would mankind henceforth be able to perform!

Lessons in Aloofness

I want to share this email to a friend that contains a succinct summary of today's lessons for me on aloofness:

Hello sweetie.

I was feeling a little void today - all the rain and no major developments on the surface, not sure how to react to certain things including expressing opinions, supporting causes, etc. But then on the way back from [the supermarket] later I saw that what is being asked of me is not to get involved in things of this world, political, moral or otherwise, to stand aloof, to be in this world and not of it, to extricate myself from participation and with it came a peace, a strong wisdom.

I have since ventured into grey areas and this is fine since I then explore boundaries. But this is about mental discipline and not allowing the issues of this world to drag me down. It does not mean to condone behaviour and for others it may be OK to make stands for things but I must remain neutral and speak my truth and nothing more. I immediately removed a protest entry on FB about what my friend called state sanctioned murder (execution of an innocent man). I can stand for love but not against anything. I think this succinctly sums up what is asked of me and now I understand and am happy. It is not to give up on justice but to stand for it from on high, to manifest it from non-engagement because the engagement carries a serious risk of taking it out, of causing it to fail: it is just one step removed from anger and then loss.

I said to you earlier that the illness aspect of the anger was a new perspective but it isn’t really, just in this context, I haven’t seen it in action - but now I see that there is no difference between anger at a known individual from anger at some nameless entity who has let the road prematurely stripped road surface remain untreated and therefore dangerous or at some company whose unilateral change in terms literally steals from me. Every person involved in either situation is, I know, much more than this (individually and collectively) and as such is no better or worse than me at their true core. They deserve my love, compassion and forgiveness so that they too may find the light, not my anger, my “righteous indignation” that denies them everything and locks them up in judgment.

I wanted to share this with you, since I have struggled in the last 24 hours to see what is my lesson: now it is abundantly clear and very wonderful.

Love

Maitland

Dawning of a New Awareness

I woke up at 5:45am this morning, a little earlier than usual and I lay there in the half light of the pre-dawn contemplating how, as I attune myself more and more with nature and the universe, my body also comes into line, feeling the disharmony of some of what I do like drinking beer and so on.

Anyway, within a few minutes my lovely dog, Lucky, had registered that I was awake (presumably noticing the shift if the sound of my breathing) and jumped onto the bed with his usual rush of intensely imploring licks, indicating a strong desire to relieve himself! I “fought him off” for 5 minutes or so, telling him “walkies” would follow shortly and commanding him in Thai, “Norn” (“lie down”) but he did so for less than a minute before going through the whole routine again and I think it was the beginning of the 3rd round when I finally surrendered to the inevitability of the forthcoming walk and got up.

Attending briefly to my own personal needs before leaving so that I was free to devote this time to him in comfort, I soon had his lead on him and was marching out the door into the beautiful cool air of the pre-dawn period some 10 minutes before sunrise. And what a beautiful morning it was (and is) too. Largely a blue sky, wisps of cloud streaked across the dawning blue expanse before me, a few huddles of cotton-wool-like clouds as well. As I came with Lucky to the end of our side-street in our “moo baan” (private housing estate) I chose to turn left and so indicated to Lucky by a gently pull on his lead as I wanted to see the beautiful canvas that the pre-dawn sky now presented before me. I love clouds. I mean I really love clouds. They are somehow heavenly, otherworldly, and lift my attention from the mundane to the sublime.

So, as I made my way towards the back of the “moo baan” on its east facing border, slowly but surely the sun burst forth in a splash of golds on the horizon, nearly blinding me as I persisted in soaking it up in its fullest glory! Lucky did his usual business, pottering about oblivious to the delights of my world as he sniffed and marked his territory, having given up attempts to force me to turn back to face his mortal enemy, the large dog who lives opposite who roams free, wreaking havoc on all dogs who dare to invade his domain.

This fleeting display of the dawning sun now complete, I led Lucky back in the other direction so that he could enjoy a fuller expression of his “doggy needs” and we went out, past the central island that greets visitors to our “moo baan” with the large golden statue of the Hindu god, Ganesh, and made our way out of the estate and down the hill past a garden centre and onto the main road that curves away from us to the north-west and in the distance I saw the mottled horizon of the numerous “karsts”, the large 300 million year-old limestone formations that once formed part of the world’s largest coral reef that is now much of South East Asia.  Lit up by the sun, they looked stunning and I was totally alive to the wonders of nature, even in this otherwise somewhat bland immediate vicinity amidst ugly concrete constructions that sadly replaced the traditional wooden houses when wood became more scarce and concrete the cheaper option for building.

By this time I was feeling on cloud nine (cloud nine being that fluffy little number on the horizon that I mentioned earlier!): there I was in the cool morning sunshine, watching the beauty that is so abundant in Krabi, catching glimpses of the early morning dew in the short time before it evaporates, since the sun burns off all water so fast this near to the Equator, noticing its refreshing sparkles that quenches the thirst of the plants it blesses with its life-giving night-time blanket of moisture and how, in places, it reflects light so as to look like frost, yet the temperature is far too high at some 23-24 degrees Celsius for it possibly to be ice.

In this heavenly state of being, I felt at one with my surroundings, so happy to be alive and to live here in my new home country, Thailand, so grateful for its generous supply of natural beauty and comfortable climate. Attuned to nature in this way, and increasingly to my true self that is so at home in nature, I felt such intense joy, such deep happiness without a care in the world, a state of mind I find myself blessed to enjoy as the norm these days.

While Lucky was in his element, no doubt delighted that his impatient pulling to go in new directions had been successful, I turned my thoughts to what I had been contemplating so early on in bed, how my attuning or aligning with nature and my true self in this way was bringing me to new awareness and a prospect of new health and vitality; I could rally feel it, not just have it as some vague notion or concept. As a result of some fairly dramatic shifts in the last fortnight in my feelings about life and the people I know and don’t know, I have come to such a place of love and gratitude which feels sublime at the deepest possible level and I can feel my body’s reaction to such resonance with all that is, telling me that it is no longer comfortable with that which I had soothed up my inner aching, the beers at night, the early morning coffee one could stand a spoon in, the excesses of sugary delights and so on.

The dulling of the senses by these means was becoming unnecessary and I contemplated the prospect, indeed the probability, that as I march on and further attune myself to my true self, my natural self, when my new work begins next month, I can realistically anticipate that my body will reach new levels of vigour, of youthful balance and eventually fitness with the least of effort, because that, I realise, is our natural state when properly and finely tuned like a winning Formula One engine purring gently before the race.

Virtuous Circle of Love

I have had the most beautiful morning of contemplation, relaxation and love! I was tired, having risen early to walk my dog desperate for immediate relief and had therefore taken a nap late morning. As I came downstairs with Lucky after my nap and put him down on the sofa next to where my partner too was snoozing, he snuggled in beside him to join him. I was touched by how much love he has to give and what pleasure he gets from showing his love by his snuggling close. He is such a deeply loving dog and as I made my way back upstairs to return to my contemplations in what you could describe as my meditation room, I was filled with warmth at this loving scene between two of the most important creatures in my life.

I went in armed with my laptop and once sat in my meditation pyramid, I saw a message a recent friend had sent me asking for loving prayers as she had been having a tough few days. Then, as I sent the following reply that felt relevant to give, I felt such love for her, this new friend who I know is on a sincere journey if self discovery herself:

“Aw, darling, I am sorry to hear that. I have indeed sent you loving energy to help you heal whatever it is you are healing at present - in times of healing it can feel worse than before, as things surface before finally leaving our energy field. Try not to despair or attach any meaning to it or to analyse it because nothing is wrong. I went through months of this just on one subject and through years of it in fact on and off, so I am now well acquainted with thee process. The good news is that in these times, it is all speeding up and healing so much quicker than before, so it will not last. Nurture yourself, follow your feelings - if you feel like sleeping, sleep; if you feel like eating, eat and don't worry about your weight, because right now it is more important to heal and to nurture yourself through it. Bless you darling, for ultimately all this is great news. Love, Maitland”.

I was so full of love by this time that another thought occurred to me to express to her to soothe her pain and help her along the way, so I sent her this too:

“By the way, there were many times I felt so bad, I felt I had taken several major steps back into darkness but these were just part of the process, so if you ever feel that way, remember my words: you never step backwards once you have chosen this path of self discovery and renewal as you have. Love to you sister X, Maitland”

By now full of love in my heart, something strange but wonderful happened, people who had hurt me so much in the past, people who had lied, cheated, betrayed and rejected me suddenly and unexpectedly came to mind, yet as I saw each one, each of whom I had already forgiven in order to free my soul from anger and resentment, I felt love for them: I felt I could have hugged each and every one if they had with me then. A step beyond forgiveness and compassion, this pure, unconditional love seemed to radiate from my chest, so powerful it was almost tangible; it is no exaggeration to say I felt it pouring from my heart and in its wake I felt a peace and calm euphoria, taking the healing of my own heart in forgiveness to yet another level altogether.

This upward spiral of loving energy, this virtuous circle of love that started with my gorgeous Lucky lifted my whole being and as I reflected on it, the words that came to me were, “This is who you really are” and I felt a profound peace and gratitude for all that had led me here including the injuries perpetrated upon me by those souls who I now saw for who they really are; that love that came from knowing who they are at heart and from a desire that they too find themselves as I have been blessed to do.

Coming to Ramadan

It’s interesting but I have been aware of Ramadan and its practices of personal sacrifice to show devotion to Allah since about 1983 when my sister fell in love and eventually married and Egyptian man but I have never really understood it in all its depth and purpose. Of course I understood its purpose superficially but not deep down, deep inside me. But now I do.

I am not a Muslim and have no desire to follow any specific religion but that doesn’t mean I don’t respect their values and practices or at least some of them. I live in a region of Thailand where Muslims make up over 30% of the population and will soon move to an island where the vast majority are Muslim and though there are problems between the Buddhist and Muslim communities nearer to the Malay border, the region formerly part of Malaysia until my country did a deal and carved it up many years ago, generally the communities live together in harmony.

As a man committed to world peace and mankind unified as a single whole, respecting the views of others, the rich diversity of mankind on earth, is vital. So, my opening to the richness of the Ramadan duties is particularly welcome.

I am no expert on Ramadan despite the family connection and the close proximity of so many of the faith of Islam, but I recall that during this period, Muslims are expected to show devotion by doing without drink of any kind (including water) and food during daylight hours and throughout the entire period to avoid physical contact (sex and even kissing or hugging) and alcohol (the latter being prohibited altogether for some of the faith). How it occurred to me before was as an obligation with more suffering than merit, especially for Muslim in Northern Europe where the daylight hours if Ramadan falls in summer are so long it is sheer torture.

But in recent years of my own hardships I have had to scrape by, though never once have I gone hungry, and I have been aware for some years that I am likely to earn large sums of money in the end and will be free to have anything material I may want, but the effect of the hardships has not been to drive me to want all those things and shower myself in possessions and excesses of food and drink.

Though I will undoubtedly have much of what I want if I am right about my future, I actually enjoy the restraint, the need to “make do” and be grateful for what I have. In fact, I am going through such a period right now and it is remarkable how well I can now “make do” and I am happy for it because it sharpens my sensitivity to the issue and above all it heightens my gratitude for what I have. And it is in this that lies the core of the benefit of Ramadan, to show devotion and gratitude and not to take for granted. That I have food and drink is at Allah’s grace and something I still too often forget, especially when money becomes tight, yet I am so blessed, so provided for that never once have I gone hungry even though there are many who do. It would be a “dis-grace” not to appreciate what Allah provides for me so loyally if I keep my faith. I don’t have anything as of right but only by His/Her loving grace.

Thank you Allah. Allah is indeed great!

The Gift of Unbounded Patience

In the silence of the space between internet access periods, I find myself drawn to write once more. I haven’t done it in a while, just going with the flow with no particular point to make or place to go. Here I am sat in a pyramid, a haven of support for me at this critical time in my life and I feel comfortable, at home, as if to leave to resume connection with friends online would uproot me inappropriately so I won’t and will instead forego the delights of conversations with friends for the alternative delights of writing something simple from my heart.

I miss this, taking time aside to write down whatever comes into my mind, to search beneath the surface and see what transpires. With nothing in mind, I came to this and found myself not wanting, as one word followed after the next without plan or foresight. With it will begin an incandescence born of my hearts passionate desire for expression. The fury of missed opportunities for fulfilment has long since waned and in its place a singular determination not to let life pass by a moment longer without expressing myself clearly so that others too may find what I have, the freedom to be myself and the ability to make a difference.

Here again I find myself at odds with life in that I wait patiently until the detail of my new work has erupted in a frenzy so that I may then get on with what I have dreamt of for so long, the chance to reach into people’s hearts and show them who they really are. Give me the strength, the patience and ardour to carry on regardless of delays and unsupported expectations that carry within them the seeds of disaster.

In my heart I know I will not fail but in my mind I sometimes nurture doubts born of life’s past affronts that no longer have meaning but as a distant memory. You see, in my heart I know everything is there already, waiting behind closed curtains to emerge onto the stage of life and burst into euphoric song. Not long now, I sense, no point in looking behind the curtain to check and see everything is alright; better to wait and see what will emerge to surprise and delight the audience that is me and all in sundry. Much as I crave this new work and the new me with it, I am content to wait because the gift of patience knows no bounds and with it nor will I!

“Absolute Nonsense to Love God?”

Krishnamurti famously said: “When you say you love God what does it mean? It means that you love a projection of your own imagination, a projection of yourself clothed in certain forms of respectability according to what you think is noble and holy; so to say, `I love God', is absolute nonsense. When you worship God you are worshipping yourself - and that is not love.”

This was quote in fuller form on a post on Facebook and it struck me as a strange thing to say and confused me at first. But then what is love if we cannot love that which is love and what is true love? I have also seen people debate what love it but to attempt to define it is to attempt to define (i.e. limit) God or the universal consciousness and in my opinion it can never be defined, its expressions being as infinite as the love it seeks to define.

So, I think that this statement is fundamentally flawed because “to love is divine”: it is all the Lord does and is; love is all there is and all that is derives from love; the Lord loves none more than itself, for there is nothing other than itself. How could it possibly be absurd to love God; the absurdity is the notion that it could be otherwise, since it would then mean that all love is absurd: to love anything is to love God in one or more of its infinite forms and so all love would thereby be invalidated according to this statement and so, therefore, would God and all life would not exist in any of its forms and dimensions, whether this illusory world or otherwise.

That to me is the essence of absurdity.

Why God Got Out of Bed!

I had a chat with a friend on Facebook yesterday and we talked about the turmoil in the world and the forecasts for the end of the Mayan calendar, the supposed “end of days”.

We talked about this and that and for my friend he seems to take comfort from the fact that this life is ultimately an illusion because in reality the universe is all one thing at every dimensional level, namely energy, our apparent physicality being an illusion according to the speed with which the energy vibrates. This means that we are all part of the universal consciousness, the everything that some call God or Allah, and that it is an illusion that we are separate, an illusion created by the ego.

Therefore, my friend argues, whether we live or die doesn’t matter. He maintains that it is an ego attachment that we care about it at all. So, he is trying to keep the perspective that he will be OK whether he dies or not. This is all good stuff in that we can then be free to live in the moment and not live in fear. I get all that and its great. It is also true that we are just part of the One and in death we go “home”. Great. By why come here at all? What is the point if we don’t “give a damn”?

As my friend said (I hope I recall this correctly) we come to experience and I think he said that God, as I will call the universal consciousness for ease, want to experience itself. OK. I get that too. But from my experience, when we die, we don’t just go back into the common pool that is the universal consciousness free of separation (i.e. we don’t vanish or melt back into God) but somehow continue to be ‘demarked’ - I say “somehow” because the main separation tool in life to allow the maintenance of the illusion is the ego but the ego is part of our incarnation which vanishes on or soon after death. I have no thoughts on what it is that maintains the separation until a spirit is ready to re-join the whole in unseparated form once more. I just experience the separate spirits that persist beyond this incarnation and indeed reincarnate until they have reached the point of no longer needing to do so (though some still do anyway to assist other souls advance).

Let me interject at this point. I “know” or at least think I “know” the things I am writing about and that my friend talks about too, but I was left feeling something was missing in that perspective as in a way it makes a nonsense out of living. If you are going to go out and play football, would you go on the pitch and just stand there? It is perhaps unfortunate that my example uses competition which is not relevant in the game of life, but a game is what life is, a game to be played “to the max”. I agree that if you “lose” or “fail” it doesn’t matter but to come to the game to play and then not play in earnest is not, for me, an attachment, it is what life is about.

No wonder I had an uncomfortable feeling inside. It is not about being attached to the outcome but committed to something, preferably something that lifts your spirit and contributes directly or indirectly to the collective game, the collective benefit. Sure, if we fail and earth is destroyed, the universe will go on as an illusion without us and, in all probability, Mother Earth would pick up her illusory pieces and continue her own game of illusion, but my aim is not one of the ego at all, it is something I have set my heart of for lifetimes at a soul level. I know because it is what sets my heart on fire and fills me with a passion for life. It’s why I get out of bed in the morning and probably why God did too!

The Third Eye...Our Very Own Cinema of the Mind

I’ve noticed something in recent weeks: I am getting more and more clear images and also more fantasy images in my so-called “third eye”, the little cinema screen inside you head located between you eyes where you see images that you just think are inside your head until you realise that this third eye is a real gift and very useful indeed.

I’ve always thought of myself as not being very good at the visual and being more of a word-based person; not surprising for someone who a friend described only yesterday as clearly having a writer’s soul! But, actually, I am finding that as I learn to stop and pay attention to some of the things I see when I close my eyes, I am seeing more and more interesting things. This suggests to me that Ia m building the “third eye muscle” over time and that it will become a strong tool for communication within me and externally.

Let me explain. You see, there appear to be two now distinct types of images: those that I have described as fantasy images, not real “photos” of people and things and those that are snapshots of something real, past, present and maybe even future (though I have no real personal experience of the latter myself).

Yesterday, I experienced a snapshot image of a young boy, a black and white photos obviously dating back to the 1940’s or so. This kind of image is not one for interpretation and without other skills I would never have known who the boy was and why I was seeing him. Through psychic connection with my guides I gleaned that he was the latest incarnation of the soul who is my one true soulmate and whom I already knew had chosen to remain in spirit at this key time and incarnation in order to assist me better from “above”. Indeed, I was then introduced to him and what followed was a most extraordinary introduction to this soul who is the mirror of me and whose love for me is second to none other than the universal consciousness itself.

His name as I knew him in our last joint incarnation many thousands of years ago in Kashmir, India, was Castria and I saw a picture of his face in that life, a young, handsome man with a slim light-skinned face and medium length dark burly locks and an intriguing smile, a man who, I am told, was my lover in yet another gay life of mine (that makes 3 I am aware of including this one!). He simply told me that he had come to announce his fulfilment of his promise to me to be by my side always, now that my “real work” in this life is about to begin.

So, there is what is for me a beautiful example of why real images can sometimes appear. But what then of fantasy images and how do I distinguish between them?

I will answer the second question first. The non-fantasy type of image, whether still or moving, has a certain vividness to it and leaves me with a knowing that it is a real image and not a creation of my subconscious imagination. I cannot put it any other way. The fantasy ones are often clearly so and are less vivid. These are a communication from the subconscious for whatever reason. Observed and interpreted appropriately, they give you a message about what is going on or something that needs attention in your life. They may also be a message for communication to someone else - I sometimes see representational images when a friend is seeking support in some way.

I recently a dream in fact (while sleeping) that told me I was making progress in accepting my new role in life as a teacher instead of a lawyer. But how did this show up - as words printed on a page in my head? No! The subconscious works in images, not words. The dream was strange. My current partner existed in the background of awareness and I was out at a gathering at a sort of multi-designer studios and there was a party in fact and my clothes were swapped from my fuddy duddy one for a really nice modern one that really suited me (see the imagery in that!) and I wanted to keep it and by the end of the dream (into which I kept dipping after moments of wakefulness) I was in my coat but with the new shirt underneath and I felt I had to own up to it and pay for it so I asked whose it was and could I buy it. It ended there as I awoke. In between I went to the loo and a man could see through the toilet that just had railings, not private at all and he came in thought he space was so tight even before he did that I couldn't move well and he stood behind me and took my penis and helped me pee and that was it (I think I awoke again then!) and later in the party my ex partner (who was not just like him but was a perfect image of his about 10 years ago) arrived but we were not together (as I said, my current partner existed in my awareness but was not there) and indeed I even referred to him as my ex and I showed off my new clothes, though he wasn't too impressed it seemed to me.

What is strange too is that I feel emotional and I couldn't put my finger on what the feeling was. It was making me feel tearful but it didn't feel like fear of the future actually and then it hit me, it is a grieving for the passing of a dear and longstanding friend, the old me, like I am sad to see him go. I suppose that is a sort of hanging on - my ex being there was a representation of the past yet I was not wanting to be with him at all and in fact I didn't much like him. I found him uninterested in anyone but himself. I think the coat over the new shirt was about the holding on, hiding my new self perhaps.

So, what I saw in this is progress, a recognition that I am a new person but not a full acceptance of it still. I later realised what the toilet incident meant: the toilet itself was tiny in two small chambers and had bars like bamboo in light grey around it so anyone could see in and though I noticed it but it didn't really bother me. That's when the chap appeared (after the event he looked completely different - neither one attractive at all!). It wasn't about sex in the dream and less so in its message. In simple terms, it represented my power and creativity (the penis!) and that I was comfortable for people now to see it though still a little reserved (the bars and the noticing of the visibility) and the man handling me (there was no sex) was my being comfortable with my power and its ability to call to & reach people.

That was a dream although it works the same way as with waking fantasy images and likewise comes from the deep subconscious processing things. Today I had an example of a waking “story”. In it, I saw an old man in a dark cloak and hood that looked a bit like a monk. He sat and looked forward, slightly hunched, sitting in moonlight on a snowy winter’s night. Afterwards he got up and was suddenly driving through the snow with some horses pulling a sledge or cart (I couldn’t quite make out which). Then the horses got stopped by the snow and became engulfed in it. Then a fresh image came: the horses somehow now free, the man, now looking remarkably like Santa Claus, was  happily driving the horses forward at speed (speed that had the horses hairs swept back and snow cleared in their path until they took off into the air and by this time it was Santa Claus happily about to deliver his gifts to the children of the world. I then saw the deep, deep snow and a way ahead already cut in it for the man to pass through without hindrance.

This was very clear for a fantasy yes also vague and suddenly shifting like in a dream. So, what do I interpret this to mean? Well, the man in the monk’s outfit is me. I always say that I am about to live a non-religious ministry! I see that in a sometimes cold and dark world, if I allow myself to get caught up in the things that surround me, I will eventually be stopped and swallowed up by the cold and dark and so be unable to deliver on my gifts to mankind. So, instead, I must go speedily through the cold and dark, paying no attention to either aspect of my surroundings and instead keeping my eye on the road ahead (the vision for the future) and if I do this I will find that a way will always be made for me to pass safely through and deliver the gifts to the children, the gifts of my words to the lives of many unhappy souls eagerly awaiting their Santa Claus.

You may see my images differently but that is how I see them and indeed it makes sense to me at this crossroads in my life as I venture out to share with people what I have learned that has set me free in the hope it will help others. What is wonderful is that we can receive feedback from within, and feel truly connected with our whole selves. This muscle is becoming quite powerful and in identifying it, its power and effectiveness will grow even faster.

The Power of Commitment

In the past 48 hours I had been exchanging emails with a friend who was very down about her progress in life lately and even I feel victim to my own doubts and fears a bit in the last 24 hours. As I shared with her about the importance of being committed to yourself and to fulfilling your life purpose, things really shifted with my friend who wrote back sharing about the insights gained as a result and also talking about her work as being her truth. I explain this so you can make sense of my reply:

Dear [Anon]

For me the power of commitment is huge. When making one, we are saying we will do it, not that, as I said yesterday, we will “try” and it pulls us through our doubts and fears. How I see your "little wobbly" & mine is that we forgot our commitment for a moment and so the 1st thing I do is forgive myself and I invite you to do the same. Then we just dust ourselves off and get on with it! Same rules: just keep on doing what feels right till the moment we die. It really is that simple and when we get upset it is because we have allowed ourselves to get caught up in the drama of the illusion for a while. I can see it now for myself and I plod on patiently again. I really see it like running a marathon.

I would say that for me truth is very very high level - love - the rest is not truth but what you stand for and choose. So, for me, my truth is that I am pure love and am here to spread love and light to as many people as I can possibly reach. I set myself aspirations for that (many millions of people to reach) but that is detail and in some ways unimportant. In fact, I am love, compassion and integrity, a teacher and a writer. These are all subsets of the main thing. So some way down the list is the work I will do on the retreats in furtherance of the higher level stuff. I see it similarly for you - your work is the means of delivery of something that you wish to bring about and so it is not your truth but an important vehicle for the fulfilment of your purpose in this life.

Do you see what I mean? This is something I have been aware of for some time - it really helps to give clarity whilst not getting attached to detail - the retreats are a detail. No need for attachment. Sure, they will be powerful and an expression of the highest me, but that is all they are. They are not me. Indeed, I will do retreats for as long as it feels right but I know I also have much more I intend doing with my life, some of it I have a vague idea about and others I am still clueless about since in the current paradigm they are beyond my comprehension.

Why I am telling you this is not to "correct" you as such but to help you stand back from things and see yourself - when I do this, I see us as high spirits looking down at ourselves (I guess I am saying that what I am expressing here is a perspective from our higher selves, beyond our silly dramas from this life). I actually find it most uplifting to express it in this way, almost as if I have taken myself in hand like a naughty child and have set him straight and he is now happily sat at his toy (my Macbook) playing and sharing with his close friend! It brings a tear to my eye as I say it. LOL! I really see me as the little boy here and you are my little friend and we are in a playpen together as we both got upset with our toys!!! ROFL! It really is a very vivid picture for me right now!

In fact, looking at you again, seeing yourself from "up here" allows you to see the toys for what they are and not to take them too seriously. It is not to belittle my retreats or your own work but they are vehicles and nothing more. Our choice of partners are fellow travellers for however long both parties wish - again, nothing more. When we do our work we will be very happy as any child would be with the toy of their dreams but all toys become boring after a while and we will move on when the time is right. Retreats are not my life’s work as I have been saying. They are the highest expression of my life so far and of my higher self too but later there will be more if I remain "up for it" and how far we go is up to us individually. I know my higher self has set a path that stretches way beyond my imaginings at this time but that is OK. Its fun watching it unravel.

I feel so happy now, at peace with myself and no longer frustrated or fearful.


I hope this helps.

Love

Maitland

Regret

“Regret” is a word that is alien to my heart. I have none. I have had things I wished I had (like children) but I don’t regret - to regret is to deny oneself the ability to change oneself and one’s life. Regret is enforced suffering brought on by inaction and lack of self belief. So regret is not for me.

Instead, I would sooner turn each loss into a fresh opportunity for growth and understanding. In this way, I can reinvent myself and my past for a brighter future. So, for example, I can see my childless state as something that has liberated me to explore other avenues, free from responsibility to those precious lives and also I can revel in the love and warmth of others as they enjoy their children and see the wonder that each child represents for the world, the hope for our future.

I could moan and complain and dig up the “issue” afresh all the time and saddle myself with sadness that would close my heart to other things, but I don’t. I prefer to enjoy my solitude in nature, connecting instead with the youthful life force in so many things, to embrace the cycle of birth and death in all its forms.

I could choose to father a child to fill the missing presence, but for me at my age I want other things and above all to express myself to the world, so no need for regret because I could make it otherwise yet I choose what I have.

In fact, as I write, I struggle to think of anything I truly regret. I have made mistakes and learnt from them; I have wronged people and made good the wrong; I have been wronged by others and forgiven them with genuine compassion; so there is nothing I can regret. Regret is such a wasteful state of being.

What does it mean to be homosexual?

A friend on Facebook recently posted the following question and I want to share my reply.

Q: What does it mean to be homosexual? It’s a broad question, but I’m looking for broad answers. It’s a serious question I have been asking myself after reappraising my relationship with God and Jesus and The Bible.

A: I assert that it means nothing. To be homosexual is simply a state in which you find yourself for just one aspect of your being. You are first and foremost a human being with all the wonderful attributes that suggests. Furthermore, you are ...a unique human being so there is no person like you who has ever existed or will ever exist again. Even within the limited area of being a "homosexual man", there is no other like you. No need to sweat it or be anything other than true to yourself.

A better question therefore would be, "How would I conduct myself in life in all areas of my life if I were being true to myself" and then in so doing you find that special person who you are in its purest form and in that God will be delighted as you expand him through the expansion of yourself.

For me, being gay is an important aspect of my being but just one aspect of many: I am so much more than "a homosexual" (as if my whole life revolves around sexual gratification with a man!). I am a healer, a writer, a lover, a caring human being, a teacher, a pupil, a nature lover, a linguist, a recovering lawyers (as I like to joke). In fact, so many things.

In a nutshell, be yourself, be true to yourself, in all areas of your life and though life will throw challenges at you, you will be happy and fulfilled...if you choose it. This is true of everyone, "homosexual" or otherwise. The perceived division of gay and straight, of us and them is false, an ugly illusion. We all have a unique gift and such concerns about being "homosexual" only serve to confuse or hide our true nature.

For what it's worth, I won't believe that a loving God or his special envoy, Jesus, have any concern over our sexuality, only whether we lead a life of being true to our heart (here not meaning the romantic sense of the word but our very essence) and thereby good to others.

I hope this helps.

At Home on the Sea of Whatever

I really want to write something amazing, something to touch the heart of millions, yet I don’t know what to write about.

The problem is that I am trying too hard when I set myself such lofty goals. The goals remain but need not cloud my reality by posing an insurmountable obstacle through fear of not being good enough. Better instead to take one step at a time and do what feels right in each moment.

If I feel like writing, as I do now, that is a prompt; no need to sweat the topic and its outcomes, just put pen to paper, or in this instance, fingers to keyboard, aware of the desire to produce something illuminating, trusting that whatever comes will be alright, worthy of reading.

So, here I am, fingers poised and here it comes, that flow, that wave of inspiration that passes over one and is gone in an instant unless seized and enjoyed for what it is, a vacuum, an opportunity to express one’s heart, one’s inner self. But if I force it, it vanishes in an instant, lost in an ocean of thoughts and ideas that pass me by. The wave having past its crest, I settle into the gentle waters of post-wave quiet and just let it be and, as I tread water, waiting for a wave to ride once more, I am at peace, accepting the waves and their absence for the gift they both are.

Then here it comes once more, my fingers poised again, I mount the surf and ride it for all its worth...yet so soon am I back to shore, my heart beating with life and joy and, hey presto, I have given of myself and, now spent, I feel the ecstasy of the moment of realisation that it was the whole of the ride, the peaks and troughs, that have given me what I thought eluded me, something that expresses myself for others to read. It need have no purpose, no goal, no lofty ambition, just the joy of the moment, the expression of the human experience being itself enough, no need for it to be worthy or profound or something more.

The Ecstasy of the True Beauty of my Mortal Form

I did a beautiful thing last night as I lay waiting to fall asleep: I touched first my shoulder then down my arm and over my hand. I felt their softness, their undulations and the tiny imperfections as I passed over the surface of this vehicle for life, this gift from Mother Earth that houses our soul on this mortal leg of our journey. I felt the pleasure of my hand’s awareness of my whole body, the over-ample and somewhat loose chest and belly, the contours of my face and large nose, the long slope of the lightly furrowed brow, the warmth of my hand on my face and the ecstasy of gratitude for all the excesses my body has endured along the way, the years of heavy smoking, the stress, the drinking, all to cope with what life threw at me.

Then shortly before I fell asleep I felt a deep contentment, a profound love for my body and self and when I awoke and recalled this experience I was again uplifted, so much so that as I went back to my room and saw my partner sat exercising his own body on the bed to perfect its form, I just felt love and kissed him on the lips.

What is the truth about gay relationships being inherently less likely to last?

It is often said that gay relationships don’t or can’t last, that male behaviour is such that the chances of them doing so are slim. So, what is the truth of the matter?

I have chosen for this “assignment” of answering the question to go into a mode of reply that calls upon me to suspend my own beliefs and opinions and follow what my heart says (automatic writing). In doing so, the result is this piece you see before you here.

The truth of the matter is easy: there is no inherent issue with gay people having relationships that last. It is a matter of choice. However, many choose alternate lifestyles that are no less valid and involve multiple partnerships over a lifetime or even no partnerships at all.

Why should a gay relationship be inherently any less likely to succeed than a “normal” (heterosexual) one? There is no valid reason, just ones thrown out by those who are cynical or disruptive in their beliefs, singling out gay relationships as different or somehow “wrong” in nature. The fact is that when two humans fall in love they may endure if the relationship itself endures and is desired to endure. What I mean by that is that relationships are often not required for a lifetime and therefore there is no valid reason to continue it other than attachment to a concept. This is true for all humans [see “Till Death Us Do Part”]. However, where they do feel a desire for it to continue, then it may do so, subject to appropriate measures to allow people to grow together and handle personal and life changes constructively.

It is arrogance to think that one is singled out for better performance in life relationships merely by dint of being “straight”. Indeed, it is foolish given the current state of the institution of marriage in most societies around the world!

So, to sum up, there is no reason why one relationship should inherently last longer than another. It is down to the commitment people choose to make and the extent to which they are suited in the first place. That is all.

Till Death Us Do Part?

I was asked a question about life-long relationships today: “do you think that beings in 5th/6th dimensional worlds mate for life?”  I am perplexed by the way humans can so easily betray their mates and I’ve never understood the notion that one can “fall out of love”.  How is that even possible?  I still love every ex of mine and the idea that someone would leave their wife when she has young children with no way of supporting herself is abusive to my mind. These things do not register for me. I wonder if it’s because this is how people live in the higher realms? How do you feel about this topic?

My reply reads:

I have opinions and thoughts but they are not much help so I am going to write whatever words come to me from my heart on this and shut out the prejudice of whatever I think in my head. So here goes:

"The answer to this question lies in the difference between true love and romantic love. First one must understand that there is a discrepancy between what people think is love and the reality of it. Love is unconditional and that remains true everywhere, on planet earth and beyond into the stars. Therefore, nothing else prevails anywhere in reality.
That said, there is a vast difference between cultures across the stars but at their core is the same love.

Now let's look at the issue a little closer: we have to take on board that in the current perceived reality on earth there are millions of beings brainwashed by society into believing that love is somehow the expression of sexual attraction. It is not. Love has nothing to do with attraction which is itself derived from perceived need for growth. When we encounter a being whom we are drawn to, we see something they have to offer us and it is this that sets the tone for the relationship as long as it persists. Once the perceived benefit is ended, so is the relationship, though many hang on in the hope that it can somehow be revived. This is, however, forlorn, since to revive the dead is not possible.

So, when we consider this question in full in its proper context, one will see that there is a vast difference between sexual attraction and love. Love is the natural state amongst all beings in an enlightened society of 5th dimensional level. It is experienced independently of sexual attraction and for all beings. Therefore, the notion of enduring relationships is false. They may endure for a purpose or role to be complete but there is no need for attachment to that relationship once the role is over. The love continues naturally as it is there for all beings. There is no disharmony involved, just the recognition that it is complete in order to allow the parties involved to move on. This appraisal may seem cold in the context of current societal beliefs but in reality it is the utmost expression of a loving society designed to perpetuate itself and grow.

For example, there is a society of exceptional standards of love and being where the people are advanced beings at a whole level beyond humanity on earth. In this society, people are all 5th dimensional beings and very alert to the realities of love and notions of attraction. They know that love stems from their very being naturally and without effort and that attraction is simply the way we are drawn to those they need for their growth. As a result, they choose wisely and only mate with those whom they have vetted carefully beforehand to ensure they meet their needs. When they do so, they are bonded for life by their choice but are free to express their feelings elsewhere whenever they like. There is no jealousy involved because love transcends sexuality and sexual encounters. The norm is to remain with one partner and seek outside what may be missing energetically between them. No one person fulfils all needs. However, sexual encounters differ from earth in that they are less about physical contact and more about energy exchange. There is no ejaculation as such, just a surge of energy at a key point. So it is that the whole concept of sex is less "sleazy" (messy) than on earth! It should be understood therefore that the exchange is entirely more sophisticated than on earth and not base in the way human exchanges can be. People have evolved beyond that stage.”

The effect of the exchange on me was to leave me intrigued! I was not surprised by much of it because of a piece that I channelled 3 years ago in the midst of my own journey of sexual freedom as an access to eventual spiritual freedom. I am, however, still the product of a society where we often regard sex as “bad” and sex outside a relationship as a betrayal unless with mutual consent of all concerned. I have always sought monogamous relationships and wanted someone for life. Though I loved my 6-month period of freedom in 2008 and none of my encounters was anything less than loving at one level, I am more suited to sharing my life with one special person. Yet, I have met people that I would wish to "exchange energies with" were I not in a relationship and I feel that it would in no way alter how I feel about my partner, but I am with someone who is not in that space and I love, honour and respect him very much and do not wish to hurt him. I admit that I am still so wedded to current expectations that the idea of him "playing around" doesn't appeal to me though something perhaps with us both present (does that sound kinky?) is appealing but not on the cards for the foreseeable future! But due to how I have felt, what this says does resonate with me despite my own 3rd dimensional attachments. I think the point is that the whole picture changes when we are in a 5th dimensional plane of existence since the petty jealousies, etc, simply vanish and we are loving with all beings.

Anyway, I felt a tad shaken by the above, as it shakes the foundations of my beliefs and feelings which have changed 180 degrees since I began this spiritual journey and here I don't mean the sexual part of it. If you knew me 25 years ago you would laugh to hear me says this as in those days I saw even thinking about someone else as being "adultery of the mind", no kidding (such was my self repression and intolerance)!

If what I have produced here (which occurs as more like channelling given the 1st person addressing of me as in the 2nd person) is correct, it is highly controversial and yet also very consistent with what we know about love. It is attachments to the 3rd dimension that make it a little hard for me to accept but I am almost there with it. How do you feel - disappointed, upset, or intrigued? I think I am largely in the latter space with minor doses of the former two!

Divergent Paths (dedicated to my earth angel, Donna)

There are two ways to follow in life, divergent paths that occasionally cross and in the end always bring you back to the beginning. Follow a path of “self” denial and pain and you will probably end up back there sooner than you would expect; follow the path of your heart and there will be untold bliss along the way together with some challenges that stretch you and make you grow, ultimately bringing just more joy.

I have chosen the latter path after decades of struggling along the former. Led to a crossroads some years ago by a painful series of life-altering experiences, I made the choice to change my path and commit to it and since then a butterfly of unexpected proportions and untold beauty has come to light where before there lurked an unfulfilled caterpillar too scared to venture off his path and into the chrysalis from which to emerge as was always intended.

Each and every one of us starts as a caterpillar in life and the path we choose decides whether or not we survive long enough to pass through the challenges of our chrysalis stage and emerge as that unique, gentle yet radiant butterfly whose template is indelibly printed on every cell of our being.

So, now watch me fly and as you do so, decide whether you are ready to choose a new path for yourself to a glorious if uncertain future.

Nought but Harmony

I have to document what just happened before my tiredness gets the better of me.

I was watching a fascinating video about sound and vibration and how it even appears in biblical texts through numeration of the original scripts. Forget the biblical implications but it had already struck me that sound would be important in my retreats in the last 30 hours or so and I knew I needed to receive guidance on the appropriate level for the retreat’s musical sounds and here it is...432Hz. I haven’t even finished the video, so no doubt more will become clear on this but in the interim, my incredibly attuned dog, Lucky insistently made it clear to me that he needed a walk, a perfect space for me to think clearly in a calm state akin to a sort of meditation during which time many enlightening things occur to me.

So, as I walked I began to think about the retreats and I asked my guides whether the 432 Hz was indeed the vibration to facilitate connection with nature and I was told that indeed it was. No surprise there with the synchronicity of the subject of this latest video with what I had ascertained just 30 hours ago!

Please with this synchronistic awareness, I continued my walk, by this time extending it beyond the normal length just so I had more of this blessed creative mental space that seemed suddenly to be so effective. As I walked I contemplated the importance of “hitting people on all 5, nay, 6, senses” during my retreats.

And then as the extended walk became extended again and again it struck me that harmony and balance are the key to everything, indeed that they are the power behind everything...OMG, they truly are everything...they are the consciousness that we call God and so many other names. OMG again, harmony IS true love, the state of harmony IS true unconditional joy and love and THAT is God and that IS everything. Harmony and balance are the only true power! Oh shit, what an awakening!

So, herein lie the roots for the power of the retreats. More is no doubt yet to be revealed but in just 2-3 days so much has emerged from what appeared to be the tail end of a state of desperation and disappointment in a ruinous friendship. This is nothing short of a miracle for me.

All the Silly Doubts

Amidst the challenges of waiting for past suffering to leave me and clear the way for my true role in life, I doubt myself so often and frequently feel the pain of past rejections and put-downs, yet it took a friend who reached out to me in fear and frustration to open my eyes to the real me whom I need never have these silly doubts, for deep down and beyond the illusory Maitland, the ego-personality version of Maitland, is this, an uncanny gift to both my friend and myself all at once that comes from trusting myself to say precisely what someone needs to hear without even realising it...

Hi Maitland,
 
I feel like I’m falling hard for [John Doe] – and I’m scared. I’ve been meditating on opening my heart throughout the day – and each time I do It feels like he’s wrapping love around me.
I’m practicing being open to receive but what if all of this is in my head. I know I’m supposed to just let go and trust and yet I really don’t want to spoil [our] relationship if all of this is just a fantasy.
The more I open my heart and receive the less control I have over how deeply I want him – not emotionally but like a heart connection.
I think I’m going crazy – and I can see you grinning and laughing as you read this. Of course I know the answer and soon I’ll be in so deep I’ll be a lost cause...shit I’m falling in love!
 
Sorry for the rant – I’m sure it will amuse you!
 
Happy Easter
 
Love
 
[Anon]

Hi [Anon]

No I didn't laugh either literally or in my heart. I felt a mixture of concern and the very gentlest form of amusement, not laughter but more love and compassion.

I am pleased you have opened yourself up and I get that this is scary for you. Now you are open to it and allow yourself to feel for him, the very normal and human fear or rejection kicks in. I don't know what is best for you to do right now but if you would just breathe, I am confident that you would know. My request is that you stand back from yourself and see yourself as I see you now, with a loving heart and with compassion for your reaction and focus on the love, for yourself for now, fill yourself with love for the girl who has been so hurt that, now open to love, she is terrified. Really focus on it (and as I type hairs are standing up on my aims) and be that love for yourself and all else will flow from this. You need nothing more. Don't think, just do this and then relax and again don't think. Let feelings come and let actions flow when and only when they feel right as always. Be love, be love, be love. How can he resist that?!

Love

Maitland

Thank you so much Maitland. You’ve got me in tears again J

I’m being and feeling love and letting go of the thoughts. I hadn’t really acknowledged the fear of being hurt or really how deeply I had been hurt. I mean I knew, but I hadn’t acknowledged it.

Thanks you so much for this Maitland. I wish I could hug you with all my love right now. Feel it anyway J
 
Love

[Anon]

My Real Motivation

In tonight’s meditation I had a conversation with God, Allah, the Universal Consciousness, the One, the Source of All Things and in this conversation I first asked for what wisdom it might wish to impart to soothe my temporary suffering as I shed the past and free myself of its shackles.

And it replied simply that anything I can conceive will be mine and not to trouble myself with fears from the past. So it led me to describe to it exactly what it is I want for myself. Far from all the things I may “own” as part of my journey, beyond recognition for my work I saw the real me, the real motivations for my life and they are these: to see mankind develop so far beyond the 3rd dimensional paradigm that anything is possible. Even ambitions for a car have little meaning: if I must use transport it I want it to be durable and hovering, maybe even flying, and not damaging to Mother Earth in any way but then I saw that I really wish to fly - not astral travel of my spirit but actually teleporting by thought as well as the ability to manifest on demand, to put out my hand and have before me the delicious orange of my mind’s eye. I saw that I wanted to experience these things, not just observe them from spirit after my departure from this realm. I saw that I wanted a home as a beautiful haven, an example of man and nature in harmony, to witness the sunrises, the sunsets, the rain pouring down, natural beauty in all its forms, but not to show off or create a mini empire of wealth.

These are the things that ignite my soul and give me a reason to live, not the outward manifestations of success that so marked my past aspirations born of fear of being worthless. When there is no fear, anything becomes possible, or, as God said in my meditation, anything that you can conceive and believe in shall be yours in time. Why waste such awesome power with mere material possessions? So much better to strive for experiences that lift the soul beyond the stars.

Goodbye to Expectations

While I go through this protracted period of "cleansing" I am rarely inspired to write, though I miss it a great deal. Last night, after meditation and during much needed reflection these words came to me:

"Expectations harness the soul and do not expand it: have no expectation of yourself; simply be free and do whatever comes to mind and do whatever feels right for YOU. There is NO other rule by which to lead your life. Put simply, follow your heart always."

The Darkest Chasms of the Mind

I see before me a blank page, a welcome friend so rarely visited in recent times as I undergo a metamorphosis from less than to more then most, from fearful and betrayed to bold, then loving and free, a cathartic exercise to relieve my darkest suffering.

No more the old me of yesteryear whose darks chasms were filled with self loathing born of another era when, rejected, forlorn and hopeless, life had no meaning or purpose and every desire remained thwarted by the underlying doubt and insecurity forced upon myself when I decided I was somehow less than I ought to be, a disappointment in the eyes of others. The pain ran so deep and so dark, its veil of reinforced steel thought impenetrable until now when, awakened from deep slumber, I slowly emerge to find my true heart and soul.

Now surfacing from the depths comes much buried pain, all that dark steamy breath suppressed for so long, denied by myself and thereby putrid, out it all pours in doses I can manage and as it does so I am teased with what once was the pain I cried whilst I slept as it gnawed away at me day by day and so on for 47 years of my 52. So painful was it that it was hidden from view even to myself for so long and hence my sudden and rude awakening causing so much pain now. Strange feelings, ugly doubts and fears, strip away all the hope I felt so strongly but 2 months ago.

But I am told all will return and more once the golden light pervades the void where these once dark feelings sought refuge. For now I am curious, uninspired and not at all full of life’s joys as I normally am, these parting feelings excreting their poison on the surface before they leave and die once and for all. I wish I could say I feel the better for it but so far that bonus has yet to be granted to me and I take it all on faith if also sometimes ungraciously as I thrash about in the rough seas of departing sorrows.

“I am you, I am me, I am everything”

“I am you, I am me, I am everything”...these words spring from nowhere to haunt my thoughts for the moment and as they do so I ponder and reflect on what they mean. They are the perfect statement of factual truth that omits only one fact, that we are love and therefore I am love too.

So, if I am love, then anything less than who I am is not true. Why do I allow thoughts that are less than me, less than who I am? If they are true, these statements, let me be who I am, profoundly and without question. No longer able to deny the truth, I am then catapulted forward to being something altogether more powerful and forgiving, loving and whole.

What would I do tomorrow that is otherwise denied me if I own who I truly am? How different would my day be and the thoughts I process as a result of the realisation and actualisation of the truth within me?

I don’t know...so I will try it and see!

My Teacher, the Snake

Over two years in Thailand and until just now I have never seen a live snake except in a zoo. My ever growing love of nature in all forms means that I watched in horror as a well-meaning neighbour came to help and bashed it to death. I am wanting to cry even as I type these words. I doubt it was even poisonous. It was horrible.

On later reflection, the lesson for me from this comes in the form of not standing by and watching a death, thinking you can be free of responsibility while someone else does the bludgeoning in your name. Furthermore, it lies in the awareness that in the absence of a clear and direct life-threatening attack, we all have a right to live and to be respected, both me and the snake. I may be a little scared of snakes but I am pretty sure that this one was not poisonous and, even if it was, it could have been removed calmly and without loss of life. Should I kill all the animals in the jungle where I will soon live, lest they harm me? What kind of jungle, what kind of natural haven, would that then be? A very sterile one, one diametrically opposed to the one I seek.

I feel the snake gave me its life to teach me this important lesson and I apologise to it and offer it my gratitude. If I am to teach a deeper and more fulfilling connection with oneself through a profound connection with nature, such lessons are vital. Through this understanding I may now enjoy a deeper connection with my true self as well.

An Ever-Expanding Awareness

The universe consists of an endless stream of consciousness that stems from the core of everything and this consciousness exists to experiment with itself, to test what it may do and experience as a result and to let advanced awareness within its constituent parts flow through everything, reaching even its outermost corners as it is happening. There is an illusion of time and distance but in reality it is all one place and time. An elaborate mirage set up to expand its self awareness fades as we wake up and see it for what it all is: a game, a challenge, a show.

Viewed this way, we can see new truth, reality beyond the illusion, and it is this veil that is now lifting on humanity for the first time in a very long time. I have experienced growth in awareness at this time and through it I am free of much of the burden of the illusion, the seemingly eternal suffering of human existence. Once you can see it for what it is, there is no reason for anything other than playing the game as it is meant to be played, freely, with an intent to win through and emerge victorious, awakened to a new level of awareness and experience.

There is not much more I can say: simply do what comes to mind and feels right in the moment, as this is the prompt of life, the eternal force of the universe seeking ever greater fulfilment for itself, expansion by another name.

Endless Awakening

Tonight I have woken up, woken up to a still deeper level of understanding about myself and the poor decisions I made based on a hurt little boy whose sister didn’t love him. I have started to realise how my desperation for love and approval by her has had such a deep and negative impact in my life, an impact that was greater than I ever suspected when I first woke up to this reality 10 days ago.

First came the pain, the anger and the hurt that I could have been so foolish, so blind. Then came the realisation that nothing I could do would change it and I was numb for a while. But after that came the awareness that I wanted more; I wanted me, me free of the burdens of this decision that I was somehow to blame for my rejection by her. And as it came slowly and I released the anger and pain and the body slowly healed itself, then came a new level of consciousness, a new level of self awareness and love.

Now that is where I am, as I slowly see the many ways it has impacted me, the acceptances of abuse by others, the tolerance of hatred or disrespect or even jealousy in the desperate hope I would be forgiven for whatever it was I must have done wrong in the first place that was deserving of my punishment.

And from this place of freedom, of self awareness, comes unconditional love in the form of an angel that I drew to help me at this difficult time, my dog, Lucky, that ultimate animal of selfless, unconditional love, bounding down the stairs as I shed my tears, to offer me love, comfort and loyalty in the space left by the void of questioned love.

How can I deny there is a god, a consciousness that pervades everything in the face of this? I cannot and in the wake of this, my stand for myself and the new real me, comes a new awareness in the man I love, an awareness that I will no longer tolerate things that stem from an old me, an old paradigm to which I am no longer betrothed. The love that flows in its wake it real, unconditional and without parallel in my life. The universe has indeed heard my pleas, my cries for help, my promise to be true to it always and replied to me loudly and repeatedly, even when I would not listen and not appreciate its voice it shouted loud and clear. And its voice heard at a whole new level by us both allows a new beginning, a new promise for the future, a future not possible until now.

Embrace or Run Away? The choice is yours!

There is an endless supply of opportunities in life for self improvement: every loss, every challenge, every accident and even every death, presents us with opportunities for growth and advancement. We can embrace life in this positive way or we can run away. The choice is ours.

If we run away, we face life’s challenges as a victim, someone injured by our falls in ways that we will likely never recover from and we lose out hugely as a result as life becomes a struggle to survive.

If we embrace each opportunity, the golden nugget it becomes then fully rewards our courage and fortitude as it brings a learning to strengthen and guide us, whilst incidentally also giving us the benefit of a more positive outlook, with all the joy that it then brings.

My choice was made long ago and I am happier than I ever thought possible. So what will your choice be?

Reach into your Heart

Reach beyond the stars of your imagination and touch your soul, for in it lies the answer to everything, to all the questions we have asked for aeons, all the untold miseries and how to end them. It is now that all will flow, to allow us to reach the heavens of the mind. There is no obstacle left; you are free once more to soar above your thoughts and limitations, to fly beyond your doubts and leave them all behind, but a distant memory of a painful past.

Gorge yourself on a feast of celestial pleasures that nurture your spirit. Soak up the delights of a life fulfilled by endeavours of the heart. There is no thought too bold, too grand; you may have it all and more now that you know who you are.

Come let me show you all this and more and forever in my heart will I be in bliss as I watch unfold the many consequences of my actions that will ignite a fire of freedom amongst mankind. With it will come a new age of awareness and opportunity, new faith in humanity and our ability to be whatever we desire in our hearts with passion. Bring it on!