An Altered Focus

An Altered Focus

It is funny, you know, for much of my life I worried about money and status, about proving my worth and one obvious outcome of this besides seeking my somewhat prestigious profession (well, at least it used to be!), was the need for material success. But as the years since I lost everything passed by, I saw that there is far more to me than money and slowly my attachment to it has diminished to the point now where my fear of scarcity (of not having enough) has largely vanished, supported for the most part by the ever-reliable support of the universal consciousness.

At this time I am involved in some legal consulting that will fund some important purchases as well as living expenses and I have noticed that my focus is back on money again, buoyed by the thrilling prospect of finally owning a top of the range laptop as part of my commitment to my new creative life and its manifestation in the soon-to-be-launched Sanitara website. Yet, lurking beneath this focus is a distinct discomfort in dwelling so much on money.

Until now, such discomfort was the domain of the fear of scarcity, but this time it feels different; at least as unpleasant but distinctly different. As I reflected on this unsettling feeling just now, I realised that following my heart and building my sense of connection with nature and the universal consciousness is so joyful, so peaceful and so natural that to take away my focus on those things in favour of something altogether more basic and uninspiring feels ugly and no longer familiar or desirable.

It seems I have indeed travelled far on my journey of self discovery, from that little boy of three who decided he was worthless after being slapped for breaking a valuable wedding present and set about proving his worth. And my awareness of this shift today has tears well up in recognition of this dated material focus that eats at the real me when it raises its ugly head. It is not that money or things are inherently bad, undesirable or upsetting but that the focus on them takes me away from the far more enjoyable and satisfying focus on that inner me and its connection with everything.

That one day I hope to have some beautiful things including a wonderful home in nature remains true, yet I will not let that detract from who I am by a focus on money and success, since they otherwise damage the sense of joy and fulfilment I get from my relationship with the universal consciousness which now truly lights my fire and brings joy, bliss as well as infinite hope for the future.