A Tranquil Heart

From a place of peace in my heart I commence writing once more. I am free in my heart now and proud of myself for letting go of anger. Thus is it once more that I put pen to paper (metaphorically today since for once I am not handwriting it first) and allow myself to just go with the flow of words that come into my head.

There is little I have ever done that was truly important, yet I behaved as though my very life depended on so many things. Now free of this unreal perspective, I can do things with expecting too much or stressing myself about the outcome, instead trusting that once I have truly given it my best, I will be free to move on to another task without wasting a second worrying if it is good enough or “right”.

I like this new way of being, unattached to results and expectations, and open to anything, willing just to wait and see what happens as a result. It is glorious, this feeling of freedom from expectation and faith in the outcome being whatever is will be but always ultimately for the best. So many years I laboured in vain, attempting to control everything in my life. How very stressful and demeaning it all was. How very unpleasant.

This new way of being tales practice. It is not easy at first, so conditioned are we to behaving in the old way. Everything around us seems to support the need for and value of expectations and drives us through obligations that are false too. It starts at home when we are small and is then reinforced at school and on television and all around us in society until the barrage of expectations dominate our lives: the need to own a home, work hard, have a perfect family and marriage, etc, etc. It is not to say that these things are wrong, but the expectation of them, rather than the request for them, puts pressure on us to conform and to do things we “should” do. This closes us to the intuitive following of a path one step at a time, in tune with our inner selves, because the “noise” of the obligations and the stress of fulfilling them closes our ears and heart to the quiet voice from within that seeks another route to happiness.

Thus it is that I spend my day, every day, living through desire backed by following the heart as the guide along the path, no longer ruled by a head dominated by ego and compliance, and true happiness becomes possible and hiccups few and far between. So much better than before. So very tranquil.