Letting Go of the Past

I had never been able to enjoy my father’s company in the past, preferring in fact to avoid him altogether, yet now, for the first time since I was a young boy, I am finally able to enjoy a relationship with him, by email across the miles maybe, but a relationship nevertheless. I am very moved as we share our taste in food and music and find common ground as well as differences. There is something very satisfying in giving up the past with all its hang-ups and prejudices and re-living a relationship I long thought dead.

Experience has taught me that my father was the one issue that was unresolved in my life. As a boy I craved his love an attention and felt I was beyond it, somehow not good enough for him, yet now I see him for who he is, able to express love in less conventional ways and rarely doing so expressly. One has to watch out for the clues, the hints, the things he shies away from saying. To do so is worth the patience and understanding, for they are there, quietly hidden away in a passing comment or rare compliment. I am very grateful to the universe for bringing us together, for whilst I now understand that even to the grave it is not too late to heal a soured relationship, the fact is that one is more complete when it is handled whilst both are still alive and able to enjoy some of the rewards of the healing.

Recent weeks and months have increased this sense of there being a real relationship, so much that I asked him to consider recording some background music for my videos eventually, when we can afford to buy the keyboard it would require, and he agreed. There seemed a beautiful poetry about the idea that my videos about my life journey and the lessons I have learned from it should have some backing with pieces played by my musically gifted father. And, now, when I contemplate this fairly momentous turn around in our relationship, I am deeply moved and grateful and looking forward to what make spring from it, not just between my father and me but in other aspects of my life, since my experience has been that any impairment in one’s life shows up in all one’s life in some shape or form, that where, for instance, one lacks confidence in a particular situation, it will often cover up a similar lack of confidence in many areas, if not across the board.

So, as I face the third attempt to make my first video, a video on the subject of forgiveness, how perfect it is that I should see now the benefit of having forgiven and let go of the past with my father as I did 5 years ago. How perfect its blossoming should coincide with this important first step in making videos to lift people’s spirits. How perfect that I now realise the focus of the video should be that story, for if that does not lift the spirit, then nothing will!