There is never enough time to do all the things one would like to do in life. Therefore, it is important to get on with whatever one can for the time being and to enjoy doing so, whatever it is, however small or modest. This way, you eventually follow your heart to the things you really want to do.
Today I am reeling slightly from my first attempt to produce a video for my blog. Frankly, it was too long and not that all that good really and certainly not good enough for me to post it with pride. So I woke up today feeling a little bruised by the experience, feeling that I can do better but also fearing that maybe I can’t! That hurt!
The upset cut quite deep and touched upon life long issues of feeling worthless, not talented and the usual silly if also human doubts that cross many a mind if people are honest with themselves. As it cut deep it would have been easy to let it reign over me all day or even beyond but I have long since become accustomed to dealing with any negative feelings fast, simply because I can and because not to do so seems silly - why suffer when you don’t need to, yet so many of us love to dwell on self pity and it is easy to get caught up in a vicious circle of negative thinking. So I vowed to stop feeling sorry for myself and to look at what was behind it.
I already know myself well enough to see that old gem, worthlessness, when it rears it ugly head! I also know where that feeling came from, so I know it isn’t a real fear but was merely born of something that happened when I was three years old: I made what happened it mean something about me, something not true, that is, that I am worthless, all because I was slapped after I broke a valuable wedding present of my parents!
That helps, since identifying the root cause of a negative feelings usually takes the sting out of it. Where something really presses that button hard, however, sometimes more is needed and the practice I have adopted in recent months is to stand back from myself, remembering that I am more than my thoughts, more than my body, more than my spirit - I am all three aspects, and only when all three parts of me are in balance can I return to the real me with the inner harmony that I have come to love and expect.
So I address my mind to the whole of me, speaking silently in my mind and telling my whole self to get themselves into harmony. It was, after all, clearly a subset of the mind, the ego, that was kicking up a fuss - hand in hand with that part of my consciousness that people often call their “inner child”, mine feeling sad and disappointed after excitedly anticipating the making of a great video! Whilst the adult aspect of my persona is able to stand by more wisely and see that I can’t expect my first effort to be perfect, that doesn’t stop aspects of me being less grown up or sensible. Yet all of these aspects of myself need to be managed and this process of balancing my whole self is so powerful, as nine times out of ten it causes balance to return quickly and I can let go of the upset. And that is precisely what happened and, though still feeling a tad bruised, now largely balanced, I am fine and looking forward to trying again later. In fact, I will try and try again until I am happy with it, yet also recognise that it will never be perfect and that is OK.
My final comfort comes from the extra step of remembering that the universal consciousness is behind everything, behind every experience, positive or negative, that will teach me what I need to learn and eventually deliver what I am capable of delivering if I trust in that process. My faith untainted, I vow to “fight another day”!
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