When I look at it, I have had a few unpleasant exchanges with people lately; nothing severe but unpleasant all the same. The resultant negativity from any such exchange can, though need not, perpetuate more in a most unpleasant vicious circle. It seems that I have attracted more negative exchanges by the negative response to the first in what is now a small series of them.
So, what is all this about? It is something I certainly don’t want to see repeated, since the feeling I get is uncomfortable, both at the time of the exchange and afterwards. What is it that I am doing that has me get embroiled in the minutiae of life rather than stand back and maintain my usual happy state?
Well, first, I can see that this mini-series of encounters started with the one I mentioned in a blog a few days ago, the one with the people who control the building I live in. Whilst I did, when writing that blog entry, break away from the upset and release myself from it, I revisited the subject in my mind, letting it think about the person and drawing all sorts of little negative conclusions about her and also about some of the people around her. Rather than discipline my mind by resisting the temptation to make judgments, I allowed it to get a little carried away.
This is not who I feel I have become nor who I wish to be, yet I am human and have been very judgmental at times in the past, so naturally I revert to type occasionally. I am only human, after all!
What is more interesting, when standing back from myself, is how I can see that it led to other negativity: the judgments that started with one person then spread like wildfire until whole classes of people became under its despotic control. Suddenly I saw more people “conforming to type” in a world of judgments and it was ugly; I felt distant and as sad as I felt angry. No wonder then that I drew more experiences of a less than pleasant nature and indeed I even felt disgruntled with some people I like, such was the power and grip of this rampant disease!
What triggered my awareness of what was going on was a “B” movie I saw on television last night, one whose message I love, though the quality of acting and some of the script leaves a little to be desired. In it the “hero” was a man who had led a selfish and dishonest life turn away from his past and seek a better life with a genuine shift in perspective forced by events that showed him that the universe (or “God” as it was called in the movie) was indeed looking after him and that if he committed to a better life all would be well. It was a touching story and one I can related to (not ever having followed a dishonest path but having been unaware of the power of the universal consciousness for most of my life).
What this movie reminded me is that anyone is capable of transforming themselves and are therefore worthy of the respect of not judging them. That they may not yet have found their true selves is a matter for compassion, even though I may then choose not to associate with that person while their way of being is so negative and destructive.
This awareness, coupled with a discipline of distancing myself from my observations or judgments, brings me back to who I wish to be and how I wish to behave and hopefully my normally pleasant encounters will now resume. When I notice I am being critical, I need only pinch myself to remember I know nothing of this person and why they do as they do, that in some way their life may be harder for their behaviour and that there but for the grace of God go I. This attitude of compassion and tolerance can be called “loving kindness” and calls us into being at a whole new level, leaving as its reward a warm, generous feeling inside that trumps the poison of criticism and anger every time without fail. Like so many things that can sound pious or virtuous, why one should do it is not to benefit others but to bring peace and happiness to one’s own life, right now, not at some distant time beyond the grave.
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